My boyfriend has been in a bad mood for months now, I've become completely passive to avoid fighting with him.
Literally, anything I say causes him to argue or feel aggresive!
Even mentioning a color paint that looks nice on a car or noticing a tree with a broken branch while driving will cause him to go on and on about his opinions!
He's been acting this way for months! I'm tired of saying I'm sorry and telling him he's right when he's not just to diffuse the anger as soon as it starts!
How long is long enough? It's getting worse every day! I'm sick of it! I don't want to be the one to give up right before it gets better!
HELP1
2006-09-02 19:38:45 · 21 answers · asked by me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He used to be abusive (physically) but hasn't hurt me since Oct. of last year. I hate saying that cause it makes me look stupid, but sounds like some of you already knew.
Thanks for the answers! They are good ones and I appreciate you putting real thought into what you said!
2006-09-02 20:05:29 · update #1
Someone asked if he's diabetic. He is. What does that mean?
2006-09-02 20:24:32 · update #2
OK - it's NOT getting better ---- is it? Read what you wrote. You are walking on eggshells with a guy that is not emotionally stable. Just read the rest of your info on his history of abuse. You deserve better - get out.
2006-09-02 20:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a lot of aggression built up about something. Do you have any idea what may have caused this? Has he ever mentioned anything that might be the cause?
I suggest that the two of you seek professional help. Maybe find one who specializes in anger management. If he doesn't get help soon, he might become violent and abusive. Don't leave him but also be concerned for your safety. Now is when he needs you the most. Try to find out why he's so upset. Don't be confronting about it. He might get defensive. Same way with mentioning the fact that he needs help. Find someone who will sit down with him and try to help.
If he doesn't seem to want to cooperate, then there really isn't a whole lot you can do. You can only help those who want to help themselves. You can't force someone to change.
As far as how long should you wait for it to get better, now is the time to seek help!!!! Find family or freinds who can talk to him and convince him to seek professional help. Don't break up with him now. That will only worsen the problem. If you love him, then love will find a way. Protect yourself though if his moods escalate and he becomes violent or abusive.
2006-09-03 02:57:37 · answer #2 · answered by Lonewolf 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all, don't say your sorry, it's not your fault
How do I know, I was that guy not too long ago. Mainly it's because of stress, sickness, overall depression.
It's not right for a guy to do this but I'm sorry to say, it happens.
He needs a slap to the head (figuratively of course) you need to take time off, tell him: I know you are having problems and I've tried to help but I need some time off.
Go to your parents or a friend for a few days, I'm not saying give up on the relationship or go date other guys if you want to keep the relationship. Just let him know when he is ready to calm down and talk to you honestly about things then he know where to find you.
I knew I felt this way because I was sick for weeks, working 12 hours a day, no really entertainment and every day I got home and she wouldn't even ask me how my day was. I tried not to be bad or short with her but I was extremely frustrated since she had time to go out with her friends all the time.
You need to show to him that you want to keep him but this needs to stop. A break with be good for you and him, he will either realize what he was doing (most of the time we don't realise things have gotten so bad) and want to change or it's time to end the relationship.
The thing is, you can cut and run and probably hurt him really badly if he is in a bad situation as it was. Or you can see if you can work things out.
Good luck to you and I hope you find happiness
2006-09-03 02:48:34 · answer #3 · answered by Karce 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has he had a check up? He could be severely hypoglycemic or even diabetic. Does he eat lots of sweets and carbs? Has he really changed recently? Are his family and friends starting to notice the change? You can suggest a check up but if he refuses, you may want to separate. It may shock him enough to get help.
If you are not being cranky back or cruel to him, then stop saying you are sorry. You do not need to say you are sorry for his bad behavior. Even if he is sick or stressed, you cannot change him or apologize for him. It isn't your problem.
If he will not go to the doctor or won't talk things out with you, you should separate. This sounds very unhealthy to me. Is he physically violent or showing signs of getting that way? Please do not wait for it to get to that point. I'm getting huge red flags on this. You need to take care of you.
If you tell him why you need to leave him alone until he gets help, I would make sure someone else is close by. Don't tell him when he's driving! Make sure he is in a quieter mood and chose your words carefully. Please make sure at least a few friends or family know what is going on and alert them that you may need help. Just be very careful. Just remember that it isn't your fault if he is as unreasonable as you say. Take care.
2006-09-03 03:16:39 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He must have an anger problem,so don't think it is your fault.I would probably feel passive,even if you are just really not a negative and angry person ,like he is.Wait sounds too long ,since it seems to be his personality to me.At this point,you need to determine if you can live with a man that could pop any minute of any day.he also sounds a little controlling.Could be a hidden problem,find out now from his friends or family if this is really just beginning to show up,or if he has always had this frustration,agression,etc.if you can live with it,knowing it is his personality and that he has to be in control of your emotions on all this,then hang around .Otherwise,seek help for him,sounds like he needs some kind of help!
ps.If he is a cheater,then at least you will have a clear concious of at least finding out that his problems are not yours!!Thank goodness..I don't know which one would be worse if it were my bf .I really don't feel like this guy is trying to hide a gf,who would have him? nevermind,..I must be naive tonight,but some girls just will have to deal with these kinds..not me!!
2006-09-03 02:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is your boyfriend, not your husband. I would find someone else if I were you. Really, why would you even want to stay with someone who physically abused you. I don't care that it was in the past. It WILL happen again. Believe me. I saw 30 years of it with my parents. You need to wake up and get the hell out of this relationship now. You should have given up the first time he layed a hand on you. NO ONE is worth physical abuse!!!
2006-09-03 11:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with my boyfriend for three years and even lived with him I just now left him and been away for 4 weaks. I left because everyday he was angry about something and he was aggresive, he broke alot of my stuff, I had him get on some medication but that didnt work. I didnt want to leave him because I care alot about him and love him very much and I didnt want him to be alone but I could see that things werent going to change and I didnt want to be on the edge everyday and unhappy everyday because he was unhappy. I had to start thinking about myself and not him and thats what you need to do. I believe there are better man out there for me and I know there is for you too. I hope things get better for you
2006-09-03 02:56:24 · answer #7 · answered by conswayla 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an abusive relationship waiting to happen, it's not going to get better, it will only get worse. Either you can get out now before it becomes violent or you can stick around for the beatings, it's your choice. Sounds to me as if he is "on" something if it has been a "drastic" change...my advice, get out now while you are still able to.
2006-09-03 02:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is cheating and i would personally tell him in his face. his concious is kicking his *** the guilt makes him angry , he doesnt want to have to be nice to you cause then he would feel like a bigger *** faking he would rather you be mad and cursing him because he so rightfully deserves it. its not going to get better until he straightens out his head hes torn between to women. i apologize for being so harsh but i have dealt with the exact profile to many times i had lost count. do some sniffing around and you'll see. you go looking for it you will usually find itl honey its not you , you have done everything to keep this relationship from falling apart and he's steady trying to push you away hoping you will leave him so maybe he wont feel so bad . kick his *** to the curb. but if you want the proof its out there just go find it.
2006-09-03 02:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by purpleartof5 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess your not tried of being sick and tried. If your so sick of it leave him alone. But, have you talk with him about his behavior? Did something seriously happened with in the last couple of months for him to act this way? Try to understand where this attitude is coming from but you do not have to stand there being somebody emotional toilet bowl.
2006-09-03 02:48:19 · answer #10 · answered by JO`NAE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that being passive and apologizing when you've done nothing wrong makes it worse?
I have a dear friend who married a guy like this. It got worse and worse until she started standing up for herself and told him what an ****** he was. She started looking for an apartment and he changed his tune.
2006-09-03 02:42:46 · answer #11 · answered by Pepper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋