My husband and I are about 30 days from having our divorce be final. We live in separate residences and have for about 5 weeks. We broke up for many reasons; the final straw however was me discovering his affair with a married co-worker. After his visitation this week my son mentioned that she and one of her small sons came over to dad's house one of the nights. My soon to be ex knows my feelings on her in general, and also that I don't believe we should expose our son to any love interest unless we are on the verge of commitment. She is married, so a real commitment would be pretty hard to make. Am I being a bitter b**ch? Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? Please no jokes; I'm very upset about this. Thanks!
2006-09-02 17:25:00 · 10 answers · asked by babyred 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would talk to him very serious and leave your feelings aside. You need to think about your son's best interest and what is best for him. Your ex should understand that is not healthy for your son to get introduced to someone that is not for sure a commitment. Even if it was it is too soon for your son to comprehend what is happening.He has to understand that it is hard enough already seeing you separated and on top of all having to deal with a new person in his life. you both need to make this change as easy as possible and you ex should understand. That is the least he can do. Right?? Good Luck!!!!!
2006-09-02 17:51:40 · answer #1 · answered by estrella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact of the matter is your ex husband is seeing someone else. there really isn't anyway to keep his new interest from being around your son unless shes in dangering your sons well being. its up to your ex husband to do that. you dont have to like her and your son doesn't have to treat her as a "mom." your not being a bitter itchbay, your just hurt and rightfully so your trying to protect your son. it sounds like you and your ex need to sit down and talk about how the both of you are going to handle raising your son in two different house holds. rules still have to apply in both homes. make sure your ex understands that disciplinary actions are to be acted upon by only you or him, not his currant interest. you both have to put your hurt and feelings toward each other a side. the both of you should also, if you haven't already, sit down with your son and set some rules and explain whats going on. im so sorry this happened to you and i'm sorry your ex is being so inconsiderate and disrespectful. i hope someday you find a better man that will treat you right.
best of blessings.
2006-09-03 00:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by lusciousevil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
,After my divorce years ago we both agreed that dating would be kept away from the kids unless we were serious. There is a lot of hurt in divorces. You really can't tell him what to do and that's hard. I Hope you explain to your son that you will both have friends and you both LOVE him very much. I was never hit with this. I am so sorry for you cause I know you must feel helpless. Never say bad things about the X either. You my dear, be the bigger person.
2006-09-03 00:33:30 · answer #3 · answered by sweethometexas2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to be bitter. but you are absolutely correct about not exposing your son to "dates" until there is some sort of commitment. life is confusing enough for the child and he should not have to be exposed to a parade of people just passing through your or your exs lives. please ask you ex to contact a professional for backup on this topic. also keep a diary of any incidents that happen while your child is visiting,missed visits,etc. this will come in handy if a custody suit comes about. ive been there and done that and won.
2006-09-03 00:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by namanan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to be bitter, unfortunatly because your a mom you need to be really careful regarding what's in the best interest of your son vs your personal best interest. You do not like this women, I don't blame you. My ex is now engaged to be married to the woman he cheated on me with. My son is over there all the time.
At first I was in the same spot as you, I didn't want my son exposed to this trampy home wrecker. I fought a lot of battles along these lines. I don't want him doing this, or that. I wanted to control the situation, we were tense all the time, constantly bickering (doing our best to not do so in front of our son); until one day, my son looked up at me and asked my why I didn't like daddy.
That stopped me dead in my tracks, his father means the world to him, he is male role model, more importantly my son is half me AND half his father. At that moment I realized that I tried to hard to control something that I couldn't. You can not control who your child's father has in his life, you can make suggestions, but ultimatly it's not your choice.
You may think you had an agreement, but really he doesn't sound like the most honest man to begin with, so him backing out of that really shouldn't be a big surprise.
It's not good, it hurts, your worried, your scared, your angry, your hurt. Take all of that and focus on what you can do, what you are doing with your son to raise him to find happiness. You can spend way too much energy worried about what he will learn from his father, your best defence is a good offence. Children are wonderfully intuitive, your son knows, will know the truth about his father and this woman in his own time.
Remember that your son chose you as his mother, just as he chose your ex as his father. Trust that there are some experiences he needs so that he can learn and become a strong man. We are set with lives and paths that have happiness and pain, we learn so much more from the pain and that's what makes our character our strength.
Trust, be good to yourself, be a role model, be what you want for your son because you have no control over what kind of father he needs or has. (unless he/she is abusive in some way)
Be Strong.
2006-09-03 00:38:34 · answer #5 · answered by peacein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not let him see your child unless he's by himself. It's not right exposing a child to different love interests. He's too young and won't understand, it may affect him in the future when he's older and may shape his personality the way you don't want. Of course the same goes for you. Go out on dates, but don't bring them home, unless you are sure you're going to be with that person for a long time
2006-09-03 00:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by venus11224 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your not bitter, just a woman scorn.He should not have that woman around your child because it may relay a bad message to him.That woman is still married yet she found the need to be with your husband.Don't worry she will reap what she sows.You are right to feel the way you do.
2006-09-03 00:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are being a ***** and you are trying to make your hurt feelings feel better
he has moved on, you have problem with the woman not the situation, when the child who is BOTH of yours son is with is father his father makes choices for him, when he is with you you choose.
it is none of your business if his g/f is married or not or can make an commitment. you are not interested in protecting your son but in hurting the people who have hurt you
2006-09-03 00:32:18 · answer #8 · answered by brinlarrr 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes i feel as you do the kids should not be around till it is over and you know this new person is a keeper.You really need to let the ex know how you feel about this .So he doesn.t think you are just bitter.
2006-09-03 00:33:42 · answer #9 · answered by LONA R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not being a bitter *****......speak to a lawyer and see what you can do to prevent your son having any contact with this woman.... good luck .hope all goes well for you.
2006-09-03 07:02:03 · answer #10 · answered by mags 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋