Do u like this poem rate it on a scale form 1to 10. Thanks?

Question

Where Once Began, And Time Ended

These wings are broken.
And cannot fly,
They felt the air once,
As it would brush by their silver feathers,
These wings remain folded ,

These eyes no longer see.
And cannot describe your face,
They absorbed the colors of meadows and mountains once,
They drank in the blowing of leaves and the falling of snow,
But they no longer see,

These ears no longer hear.
And cannot tell you the sounds that pulsate through open doors,
Although they were witness to ‘once upon a times,
To the laughing of birds,
There only there now,

This voice no longer speaks.
And cannot tell you this poem,
Although it spoke of beauty and pain,
And whispered thoughts of politics and humor,
This voice no longer works,

And with this I say by both a Hello and goodbye.
A how are you and fine,

I cannot feel the wind blow against my broken wings,
Or see the sights beyond me,
Nor can I hear the laughter of nature or speak of its very existence,

I can though no matter what I loose or what in time gain
Fall victim to sever my world of imagination
My place where illusion and reality run ramped

My mind where all of these words stem from
And form emotions and ideas
That conceive images of detail and delicateness

For this is where once
began

And where time had ended

Answer 1

Yeah its good, longggggggggggggggggggg....................................................................................... 1 mil years! I rate it 9. Look i think you could make it rymhe a bit more!A loot of thinking out the square though! I love it. Good poet luck!!!

Answer 2

5

Answer 3

I would give it an 8.

Mostly because of some grammatical and spelling errors I found while reading it ("There only there now" I believe that the first 'there' should be 'their'. And "ramped" should be "rampant"). Other than that the imagry was good. Remember, poetry does *not* have to rhyme.

Check some of your line breaks and try reading the poem out loud to yourself, because you broke up setences in a couple spots that made it seem a little bit rocky. Make sure to put in all of the punctuation as well.

A lot of minor things really. Overall I found your poem to be wonderful. :3 I hope you continue to write.

Answer 4

I can see that you worked very hard on it and that says a lot. Great writers often don't have the discipline to stick with something. You seemed fairly in touch with your feelings and that's good. But is this the language you would normally use. In places it sounded too contrived, too forced. That said, you are extremely articulate and your poem was very vivid. Just don't set out to write some "great work". Art is art for art's sake and good on its own merit. I'd also like to hear you write about something not so emotionally charged. Don't get discouraged, you're obviously gifted. So give it a 7 but, I can clearly see 15's in your future.

Answer 5

I would give this poem a 10, but I am concerned about the negative images you are painting. You are a very sensitive person and you have been hurt bad by someone or something. If this is true then the best thing to do in order to honer this wonderful gift of life that we have been given, is to understand the negative experience(s) you have had and place them in a perspective of who you are and what you have to learn in this life. I married an English dancer and our marriage blew up in my face. I was murderous and suicidal and then I went into a deep despression that lasted for 3 years. But I worked my out of this by going over and over what happened to me and why and I eventually came to understand everything. When I did reach this level of unerstanding, I found that I could not blame her, or myself for anything or hate her anymore. I found my love for her again and I think this is the only sane and healthy thing to do. If you want to correspond with me I really would like to do this and learn more about where your poem came from. Corky

Answer 6

I give it 1. This is not a good poem. You are rambling. A genuine poet's mind is focused. You are trying to express too much. You are inconsistent with punctuation. Punctuation in poetry is one of the ways the poet indicates meaning. Punctuation, line length, stanza definition are among the means a poet has by which to compress meaning into poetic (verse) form. You show little appreciation of these poetic tools. I give you 1 because you took the time to express yourself in writing. This is always a good start. But first steps and good intentions are not enough. Learn the technical craft of the art form you choose by which to express yourself poetically. Would you dare try accompanying poetic lyrics with notes on a guitar when you haven't learnt to play the guitar?

Answer 7

I give it a 4. The last one was a lot better a 10 - this one is a little too long. You are very talented and I love how your poems express the dark side of life. Keep writing.

Answer 8

Mary, I think it's time to tell you something I think a lot of people have already figured out.

The people whose opinions would be valuable to you aren't answering these types of questions - the is-my-poem-good questions. People with literary taste that you can trust, whose criticism and judgement would be helpful to you, are not answering. You have to ask yourself if the criticisms you do receive are from people whose advice is any good.

Because I have to say, I have never read a poem on Yahoo that I could finish reading. They are generally that poor. Don't try to trust the opinions of strangers. If you really want good criticism, join your local writers' group or send your work to a poetry magazine. If it is good, it will get published. Don't listen to people on here. Because the good writers usually aren't answering.

Answer 9

Some lines can still be refined further.

ie.
Line 17
"And cannot you this poem"
Maybe you can consider using instead.

Stuff like that.

Good job.
I'll give it an 8.
Cause I believe anything thats good can be better.

Answer 10

This is the first original poem on here that was any good. You have real talent. 10.

Answer 11

better than the last one i give it a 7