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Husband cheated 3 yrs ago when my children were 1 and 3. After 2 counseling sessions, I put on this front like I was happy. I couldn't bear the pain of my family falling apart. 3 yrs later I have more confidence and now am feeling resentful, angry, and feel so distant. I always have been the most devoted wife, make 2x his salary,(he quit college) and I can't get over how he could have cheated! I am attractive, thin and communicate well. He knows he was wrong,..and has changed..(but he is like pathetic puppet) I am confident and he is NOT. He cries all the time when I tell him I lost "it" for him. I am willing to co parent,..he is a very good father,..especially in the last 3 yrs. I am not attracted to him and have lost all respect for him. I know we married way too young. Sadly, we have two children. How do I leave him? I dont want to cheat,...just want OUT! Am I being selfish? How do I convince him to seperate?

2006-09-02 16:49:39 · 9 answers · asked by MrsJR 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

9 answers

Are you waiting for him to do something to justify you leaving after you stayed? If he cheated tomorrow- wouldn't you be gone by dinner? It seems like you want someone to tell you "Go and Leave" so you can let go. As long as you are happy and love your kids- They will be fine. Your kids want you to be happy and would not want you to stay in a marriage that is making you sad. You don't have to convince him- you have to convince yourself. You married him out of love and had your kids in that love but if it's gone- leave before it turns into something you can't live with.
Good luck.

2006-09-02 17:08:44 · answer #1 · answered by ednolb 3 · 0 0

No, you are not being selfish. If it isn't there, it isn't there. Do NOT feel bad about that, ESPECIALLY since he cheated. I hear this all the time and it bothers me to no end (I am a military wife, and all my friends--or at least most of them have been cheated on) You do what you need to do! It would be wrong to stay with him if you lost the love. And although there are kids involved, it is better for them to be able to see their parents separately than together and upset all the time. You know what I mean? If he is unwilling to accept the fact that you do not want to be with him anymore, then you need to be the one who moves out. And probably you should get a lawyer.

I'm just curious, but how old were you when you married? I was 20, when I got married.

2006-09-02 23:57:49 · answer #2 · answered by Amy J 4 · 0 0

I don't think you are going to get the answer you are looking for here. My husband didn't do anything... well, nothing deceitful. I just don't love him. I want out too. I stay for a couple of reasons. One is the kids are so much happier since we are back together (trial separation), two is that I can't stand the idea of going back into the dating scene, the third, and biggest reason I am still here, is that when I said I do it was a vow before God. No matter what I feel, it's really about living for God and doing what He wants. The bible says you are suppose to forgive your husband for what he did. I think if you are a religious woman and are trying to please God, you should go to a different counselor, or back to the old one if it's been a while since you went. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

2006-09-03 00:06:22 · answer #3 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0 0

Put a down payment on an apartment.
Sign the apartment lease. Make sure it is a 1-bedroom.
2 days beforehand, start packing.
When he asks you why, tell him.
If he begins to cry and starts to beg you, tell him you have signed a 1 year lease, it is a 1-bedroom and you cannot back out of it.
Move.

I wish you two could work out your differences, but if you are BENT on leaving the guy, then this is the best way to do so.
Has he apologized to you 100+ times?
I hope he gets counselling after you break his heart.

2006-09-03 00:19:43 · answer #4 · answered by NC_Pianist 4 · 0 0

For some reason a woman can hold this resentment for ever when their spouse cheats on them. It's just a girl thing!! Maybe if you quit thinking about what he did in the past and work on the future of your family you can become happily married again. It will take alot of work but you can do it. I don't say stay just for your children while your unhappy for the rest of your life but you do owe it them to try!!

2006-09-02 23:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by Mellycat123 4 · 0 0

Since you didn't give it your all when trying to put your marriage back together I think your marriage deserves the try with 100% of your effort. Yes, your husband did incredibly wrong but you said he changed and you know he is sorry for it. Now it is the time to work on you. You need to be able to learn to release the anger you feel from his affair. You have EVERY right to be angry about it but you are keeping it inside instead of releasing it. Finding another man isn't going to make things better. You are going to carry that baggage with you to another man and won't trust him either. Your two kids deserve BOTH of their parents trying to save the marriage.

Good luck!

2006-09-02 23:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0 0

You don't really want my opinion. I say this because I think you need the past as an excuse to ditch him/the old life.

He knows he was wrong, but you keep on with everything? What did the counselors say/do? I'd try different ones at this point; as it didn't work!

Good luck and remember not to push the "easy" button!

2006-09-02 23:55:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

you dont convince him you leave or else he might convince you not to leave. If you are not happy you need to go bacuse what is a marriage if you cant trust him and you really dont love him anymore. just ask God to help you in this situtation and you make the first move .

2006-09-03 00:11:37 · answer #8 · answered by cupcake 3 · 0 0

y the hell did u marry him? u should move ut with ur kids for a while and tell him y and when he's ready to actually coraporate with u for life then give him a chance and move back with him well that wut i would but if he"s not ready and while ur still away and cheats on u again then tell him we r gonna seporate no madder wut cuz i just cant stand u cheating on me and now doesnt have a choice but to seporate

2006-09-02 23:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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