My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years. We have a long distance relationship and a six year age difference. A little over four years ago, he dated a girl who is the same age as he is. They dated for almost two years. They slept together; we have not. (I want to wait for marriage, and my boyfriend completely supports that.) It was not his first time, but it was hers. His mother also really liked that girl (she doesn't like me). The girl has now graduated and has a very successful career.
This constantly bothers me and I find myself crying about their relationship. My boyfriend broke up with the girl and has no feelings for her anymore. I have talked to him about how much it bothers me and he assures me that I have nothing to worry about. I know that he loves me and I'm not afraid of losing him..I just feel like I can't live up to this other girl. I am in college and I worry that I won't be as successful as the ex-girlfriend.
How can I deal with all of these feelings?
2006-09-02 16:19:32 · 4 answers · asked by daisy24 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Stop playing the victim and feeling sorry for yourself. He obviously has chosen to be with you even through all of the other influences in his life. You are worrying too much about meeting what you think are his expectations, and you may actually be doing more harm than good to your relationship. If you continue to be negative, put yourself down, and believe that you are not good enough... that that is what will happen to you since you will unconsciously sabotage what you have to actually take on these negative thoughts. Just begin to look at things differently, know that he has chosen you above anything else, and all he's looking for is someone to be happy with, not someone who will make his family happy, or have a successful career. Love is everything, don't worry about anyone else but yourself.
2006-09-02 16:27:43 · answer #1 · answered by Rexy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you trust your boyfriend that he is telling the truth then you know you have nothing to worry about with this girl. I think all "new" girlfriends feel this pressure to be better than the ex girlfriend. But I do have to say that this girl is an ex for a reason...something didn't work out with them and they're not compatible for some reason. Trying to live up to the standards of a girl your guy is no longer interested in, is pointless. You will drive yourself crazy over nothing! If money and success was sooo important to your boyfriend, I'm sure he would have tried to get back with her by now. And the fact that he hasn't, is proof enough that he's not hung up on YOUR success and YOUR money. And that's a great thing. Real relationships are about feelings, not money and financial success. You need to find peace within yourself that you are not in competition with this girl. Once you do, you'll be ok.
2006-09-02 16:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hard answer to it is that if by talking to your boyfriend about these insecurities, it doesn't help to alleviate your discomfort, then you're headed for a very unsettling marriage. Mainly because what troubles you now, won't be the only thing in a marriage that will come up that may give you similar feelings, only with different people. It's not just the matter of that other woman that needs to be resolved, but the subject matter itself.
2006-09-02 16:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if you are having second thoughts about either being with him or remaining a virgin. I would suggest that you seek deep within your soul the answer to this from within your own heart.
You will be the only one to live up to your own expectations and should go with your gut feelings.
2006-09-02 16:24:46 · answer #4 · answered by patbendrv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋