Our new neighbors 15 year old developmentally challenged daughter is obsessed with my husband?

Question

Two weeks ago we got new neighbors who my husband and I both knew from High School. They have a developmentally slow 15 year old daughter who is obsessed with my husband. She comes over asking to play with our 10 year old twin daughters and then wont play with them. She follows my husband everywhere and wont leave him alone. She dislikes me and if she sees us talking will interrupt our conversation. She tries to sit on his lap and tries to kiss him constantly. We feel as if we are being stalked when she is in our home, she follows us and stares at him like she is in love. She doesnt act this way in front of her parents, just us and our children. How can we approach them about this without causing trouble in the neighborhood. We are naturally concerned that my husband may be blamed for something that he has not encouraged. She has even tried to walk in on him while he is in the bathroom. This girl looks every bit of 15 or older and very physically developed. HELP please.

Thank you everyone. We appreciate your answers. In this day and age you really have to be careful with children. My husband is terrified that he will be accused of something he has not done or encouraged. We are going to sit down with her parents tomorrow before she has a chance to come over. Again, thank you.

Answer 1

I'm willing to bet your husband isn't the first man she has stalked. You need to bring this up ASAP! If the neighbors won't do anything about it, call the authorities before you husband finds himself in court.

Answer 2

First of all, stop letting the girl in your house. Since she asks to come over and play with your girls, suggest that the girls play outside. Then make sure that hubby stays inside. If the girl tries to go in the house, ask her what she needs. Drink, snack, you can get for her and bring it outside. If she has to use the bathroom, go inside with her. Don't let her stray after your husband. Once she does, gently take her hand/shoulder and steer her back outside.

Then when you find a good chance for you and your husband both to talk to both of her parents, have a sit down. Make sure all three children are otherwise occupied. They shouldn't be a part of this conversation. The four of you need to discuss her behavior when she is at your house. Maybe your husband could say that he is uncomfortable with an older girl who still likes to be shown the physical affection the way a child does. Make sure he stresses that he is not encouraging her behavior, but you two don't know how to stop it. Don't sound like you are accusing the girl of bad behavior, just say you don't know how to properly handle the way she acts. Ask them how they feel is the proper way to handle her when she interrupts your conversations, or when she tries to show physical affection to your husband. Name specific dates, times, when talking about what she does.
"Friday at noon she tried to sit on husband's lap, how do we tell her that in our house, this isn't appropriate?"

If they care about their daughter at all, they will take it from there. While your husband is a good man, the next one she has a crush on may not be as noble. The next man may decide to take what is offered. At 15 she has the body and the glands of a full grown woman. What she lacks is the mental and social maturity to understand why she feels the way she does. The feelings are probably very confusing to her, and she isn't sure how to handle them. So she is doing what her hormones tell her is right, and in this case, that's very wrong.

If this ends good relations with your neighbors, so be it. Better to loose a friend or two than to have your husband jailed for her actions.

Answer 3

Be up front and open with her and her parents. Tell them how she acts while they are not around and tell them that they need to not allow her to come over unless they are present. Your husband should do whatever is necessary to make it a point to stop this before it gets out of hand. You seem like a loveing wife that cares, now is the time to put a stop to her antics before she causes you both undue termoil.
If the girls parents refuse to listen, or do nothing to keep their daughter from acting in this manner, then it will be time to tell the authorities so you and your husband are protected if alegations should ever arise.
Good luck...

Answer 4

Bring in an observer to witness your whole family talk with the girl about the problem. Gently, but as forcibly can you can discus this with her. Tell her you know she realizes what she is doing because she doesn't do it in front of her parents. See how she then behaves for a few days after the discussion. If she continues, call your observer back to be present at a discussion with her parents. Your observer could be a minister, social worker or a friend, but they must be unbiased. You might even eventually have to bring a social worker into the problem. It can not be allowed to continue. It is a dangerous situation.

Answer 5

it is time to talk to the parents. Of course it is an uncomfortable conversation but you can bring it up gently by saying you believe she is in puppy love" with your husband and wanted to let them know how she "follows" him everywhere. Then you can inform them in a nice way that you believe she may be taking things too serious. This can happen even with a "normal" teenager so it is perfectly understandable. I would definately say something though so stories don't get "twisted" later on and then come back to haunt you. If they get mad and wont let her come over then that will be their loss but you have to put your family first.

Answer 6

I would call the parents to have a sit down, explain your concern to them and let them know if the problem consists you will stop having their daughter over to play as it is causing problems in your home. Make sure that she is REALLY "slow" and that, that isnt just your opinion b/c that can be really insulting if you bring that up without knowing for sure! The truth is always the best answer!

Answer 7

If you know the parents well enough, you need to get them alone for a talk. You could phrase it more as asking for advice, explaining that you've never been in this situation before.

If you don't feel comfortable approaching them, talk to a counselor to get some advice in dealing with both the parents and the daughter.

Oh, yeah, start locking doors - to the house and to bedrooms and bathrooms. Better safe than sorry.

Answer 8

This is definately a very delicate situation. The approach to take when dealing with this girl is to always encourage appropriate behavior and make sure you tell her and explain every time she does something that is considered inappropriate behavior. For instance, many individuals with developmental disabilities enjoy hugging. This is not bad except that unfortunately in our social world it is inappropriate to hug a stranger sometimes. I try to make sure the individuals that I work with know that it is inappropriate to hug strangers by always holding out my hand when somone I don't know very well comes in for a hug. Instead of gaining what they want, they are met by my outstretched hand for a handshake and realize this is what they are supposed to do. I know this is minimal compared to your problem, but using techniques like these will be helpful. I would also explain to her that her behavior is inappropriate. We always want to treat those with disabilities as independently and as equal to our peers as possible. We would not let someone's 15 year old daughter who was considered of "normal" intelligence to behave this way - make sure that you let this girl know it's inappropriate as well. Do inform the parents as well! They need to help reiterrate that this is not the way to behave!! Your husband should also try to maintain a "cold" (for lack of a better term) rapport with her. He should not be rude, but should not act too friendly either. If none of this works, I would suggest not letting her come over and play. This will obviously decrease their interaction.

Answer 9

I feel that you should bring this matter up calmly & quickly to her parents before things go wrong.
Your poor husband may end up being wrongly accused of any wrongdoings should that 15 yr girl decided to report against him if she is being spurned.

Since she do not behave that way when her parents are around, this signifies that her parents have some influence over her behaviour.
Have them to speak to their daughter.

Answer 10

I am not sure what to suggest here. I have some friends that look after developmental people, and they can sure play the games!!! One girl likes to steal things, then says she doesn't know why she does it!!! There are some other difficulties, but I won't get into them. Its been very difficult for them. Good Luck.