After I gave birth to my daughter April 2005. 2 weeks later a female called me and was telling me about her relationship/sex life with my fiance... I listen to what she had to say the strangest thing was she keep asking. "so are you gonna leave him" Well later on that night when my fiance came home I confronted him about it and he brown down and told me everything. I told him we need to work it out... The only reason why I said that is because I cheated on him in the beginning of our relationship. Plus I'm not planning on staying with him much longer. And advise? Child involve?
2006-09-02 15:07:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
' ... Plus I'm not planning on staying with him much longer.'
Sounds like you've already made the decision to me.
Though, if you're willing to work it out, and it wont be easy, I think you two may have a shot now that both of you have cheated one time on each other.
As long as both of you can forgive each other for the indiscretions, and promise not to cheat on each other again (and keep that promise). Then I think you both have a shot at staying together.
But, only if you're both willing to put the time and effort into saving your relationship. Because I'm betting that there were more problems and issues that led up to both of you cheating in the first place. And those issues must also be addressed and solved before your relationship can truly succeed. If they are not addressed and resolved then someday down the road, I can picture one of you, or both of you, cheating again.
My best advice is for you two to seek out a marriage counselor to help you through this dilemma (even if your not married), and see if you two can resolve your issues. Not just for the sake of you both, but for the sake of your child as well.
2006-09-02 15:25:07 · answer #1 · answered by Microsoft Bob 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not planning on staying with him much longer, then why are you even asking this question? Seems to me you can't judge him for what he did if you did it too, and it would be rather hypocritical for you to play the victim now. Does he even know that you cheated on him or is he still living that lie? Not that it matters, both of you are liars, so you get what you deserve. If you think there's no way you can work it out and apparently you're not even planning to then don't tell him you need to. I don't want to be rude but...
Your relationship is a joke. A bad one. Trust is a requirement for a relationship to work. You betrayed that trust right from the beginning, so clearly there was no real love there, and then he did the same to you, confirming it. You made a bad judgement of him thinking he wouldn't do the same to you and you can't even use the old "love is blind" excuse. So what blinded you? Maybe you're just not very smart. Personally, I could never forgive the person I love if she cheated on me, just like I could never forgive myself if I cheated on her. You have to be really messed up to sink that low.
I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but hey, you can just dismiss all of this. After all, I'm just a stranger on the internet who just happens to have no respect for cheaters.
Anyway... you've both made mistakes, so if you admit that to him, there's a chance that you can still make things work since neither of you can judge the other. Accept it and live with it if you will. It wouldn't hurt you to mature a bit and become more responsible. You have a new life to take care of now, and she shouldn't have to suffer because her parents didn't know any better.
Your daughter is the only reason why I'm bothering to answer your question, so my advice is this: Think of her. It's pretty obvious you and your fiance are idiots who can't think things ahead, so you'd better start now with your daughter in mind. I'm not saying you should stay together, or that you shouldn't. I don't know. That depends on your choices now. If you and your fiance somehow find a way to be with each other and earn back the trust that you should've had from the start, and maybe rediscover love in your relationship, then you might provide a good and stable home environment for your child. If not, I'm guessing it's best for her not to grow up in an unhappy and unstable environment. But don't take my word for it. What do I know? I'm just a stranger on the internet! Seek some professional counseling. That's probably the best you could do. Mind you that most of the times when I say "you" I'm refering to both you and your fiance as a couple and not specifically at you individually.
2006-09-02 22:51:58 · answer #2 · answered by Ricardo P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you guys have a family together now. Does he plan on staying with that other woman? You need someone that is willing to commit and take care of your family. You did cheat on him and you guys made through it but remember this time you guys have a baby together. The BEST thing you can do for your child is to stay TOGETHER. However you should ask him how he feels about it and is he willing to stay together and is he committed make him prove it too. Good Luck!
2006-09-02 22:22:49 · answer #3 · answered by Phyllis K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating while you were pregnant? That's extra awful!! Let him believe you're staying, make him cut ALL ties with the other woman(don't give her the satisfaction of having him now) and start to plan a way out then just tell him: bye bye baby! That's what I would do. Nobody needs to worry about SDTs while raising a child, get tested btw you never know WHAT he's doing. Good Luck!
2006-09-02 22:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by Belladonna 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont stay for the kid. Trust me. Things will get worse and the kid will be in the middle of your problem. And for your best interest get a man who you will have NO reason to cheat on and a Man who will treat you and your daughter like queens. If you had to cheat-obviously something was wrong. and vice-versa. But once a cheater always a cheater girl Especially of the chick called you.
2006-09-02 22:11:19 · answer #5 · answered by Poetic Jezebel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and your man are not really meant for each other,,too bad there's a child involved,,from personl experience I can tell you your relationship is doomed,,,I say its best to end it asap on the best of terms.
2006-09-02 22:12:46 · answer #6 · answered by mythoughts 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not stay with him. If both of you were unfaithful, it is a clear indication that neither one of you really wants to be in this relationship. Also, "female" and "male" are how you describe the gender of animals. Human beings are men and women, not things you stare at in a zoo.
2006-09-02 22:12:18 · answer #7 · answered by medellia1984 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love him work it out. I have been with my wife for six years now married for 2. We had a very rocky start but now everything smooth sailing except for little fights here and there. Now we have three children and very happy together.
2006-09-02 22:13:33 · answer #8 · answered by kayemethan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well honestly the girl was probably jealous, thts y she kept askin r u going to dump him. but u r just as wrong cause u did the same thing so i guess neither one of you should be with each otha or anyone else if you feel you have to go around cheatin on people
2006-09-02 22:10:32 · answer #9 · answered by caramel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out ans make sure you are financially stable. Since his name is on the birth certicficate he wwill owe childsupport.
2006-09-02 22:10:06 · answer #10 · answered by yogangel7 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋