I have been with my husband for close to two years. He keeps acting like a single guy. Should call it quits.

Question

He tells me he's one place then I find him in another. He tells me one thing then I find out quite the contrary. He spends so much time with his friends on the weekends then he forbids me to go out with my only homegirl in the world. He tells me I am fat and that I'm ugly then accuses me of messing around. I don't know what the deal is but I don't think I have what it takes to keep living on "for better, for worse". You don't have to give advice but words of encouragement will help so much.

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I do know that men who behave this way are abusive. Telling you lies, telling you that you can't go out and then doing it himself, telling you you're fat and ugly are all signs of abusive control and it can only get worse if you don't put your foot down immediately and let him know you will not tolerate it anymore. Do you have somewhere you could go for a week or so? If so, then you should definately get away for awhile and gather your thoughts. You can talk to him a little more firmly when you are not in your house. I think he hangs with his buddies more out of the fact they tease him about being whipped than anything else. But the accusations are a clear sign of him doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing and guilt will make a man lash out at his wife if that's the case. Do go out with your girlfriend and make new friends. And make sure he knows that just because he thinks you fail in his "dream" of a wife that there are plenty of men who would love nothing more than to be with you. It all comes down to a little "tough love". You have to be firm about your decisions regarding how much you are willing to stand for. And when he crosses that line, you make damn sure he knows about it. Being subtle is the best way to deal with men sometimes. Not shouting, or yelling, or throwing things. LOL But, quietly stating your business is much more effective because men sometimes act just like little boys. And we all know that little boys are more scared of mommy when she is not yelling, but serious.

I hope you will find the self-esteem you used to have before you married. I know how hard it is when you have some moron beating you down while building his ego up, believe me. If he truly loves you, he will come to realize how important you are to him and stop doing these things.

I would do a little investigating on him about these weekends with his friends. A little spying perhaps. It's one thing to accuse, and another to accuse with facts. But like I said, try and get away for awhile and do some soul searching. God Bless.

Answer 2

Usually those that are quick to accuse.. are the ones that are guilty. So... if it were me.. I would say he is not being faithful or that would be what I suspect. As far as him forbidding me to see your only friend.. thats bull. I guess I am too much of a child when it comes to someone who is suppose to be my equal telling me what I can and cannot do. I would see my friend hell or high water. And to heck with what he thought. If you have caught him in lies.. then whats his reason for the lies??? And.. one more thing... if that were me... my bags would be packed so quick it would make his head spin. Better or worse sometimes is for the birds especially when one person is having to make all the amends. He has the better all the time and you are having the worse all the time. Good luck and God Bless!!

Answer 3

This person is an abuser. He is controlling you and mistreating you. This will not get better it will only get worse and more dangerous. He is tearing down your confidence. The fact that he will not "let," you go with your friend is a sign of an abuser.

NO ONE HAS TO BE ABUSED!!

I was nearly killed years ago by my first husband. I found myself and confidence to get away from this. Years later I have a great career and a very great and Loving husband.

Answer 4

Nobody deserves to be disrespected the way he is doing to you. Have you tried counseling? For a marriage to work it takes two. If you have tried your best to make it work and he has not even attempted to then it won't work. Be a little selfish and think about what you want and what would make you happy. He needs to grow up and mature. You are better than that and deserve a lot more. Do not let him make you feel any less that what you are worth.

Answer 5

have been marred 11 years it sounds like hes trying 2 control u .just beacuse u said 4 better or worse, doesn't mean uhave 2 put up with him acting that way.u have 2 decide if u want 2 keep on going on this way or have u had it with him.only u know.its not what u look like or how much u weigh. its whats in your heart that counts.good luck don't let anyone control what u do.

Answer 6

First of all, has he "breached" his marriage vows to u.. ???? yes he has i can tell that by what u've just said in this one paragraph.. if he's breached his vows to u , then he's already left u in your marriage... and no one would ever not understand u wanting to leave him.. but if u love him, and u want to fight for your marriage, then u need to get control back, the best way i can suggest for u to do this with a man that seems not to care, is to not care urself.. start living as if u are single, be nice to him and civil.. ect.. but stop all WIFELY DUTIES.. stop cooking him dinner, stop doing his laundry, stop telling him whats going on in ur life, where ur going who ur going to be with ect.. stop having sex with him all together and DO NOT beg him or even ask him for anything.. Become a powerful woman that is independent and living with a "ROOMATE" do ur own things, dont breach ur vows, by cheating or stooping to his level, but just do for yourself, kiss him on the cheek and say see ya later and just go .. when he starts realizing ur acting different , ur becoming independent ur having fun, ur dressing like ur a confident woman again, he's going to wonder wth is up with u and when he asks why ur not doing things for him let him know, when he wants to treat u like a wife again u'll act like one, till then he can kiss ur azz..

Answer 7

Wish I could find something encouraging to say about your situation, but I don't except that you deserve better than that. He sounds like a louse. A real creep. Just remember: You get what you settle for.

Answer 8

the longer you'll wait the worse it will be....leave him, but when he will realize that you are not there anymore he will come back to you asking you to take him back,,,do not.

people like that will never change and he will start over again after using you like a door mat... take control of your life....do not let it depend on a person like that...go away start a new life...find a man that appreciate you for what you are inside..

i married a woman that is fat but she is the most beautiful in the world to me because i love her... that guy is playing with your feelings..don't let him.

be strong....i will pray for you....let me know how things will go...

Answer 9

He don't seen to care about your feeling and treat you like transparent. Perhaps have a talk with him and address the concern you have and if things don't work out, you may then decide whether you want to leave him. At least give him a chance to speak out.

Answer 10

I feel for you. I went thru something similar with my first husband. (Yes, I dumped him because of it). We tried marriage consoling and talking to the minister. Only you can decide if you can put up with the verbal insults, never mind trying to keep you under his thumb. If you are thinking of getting out, I will give you one piece of advise, do it before you have children it will be so much easier.