my child is a spoiled brat...what can i do???

Question

my 13year old is a spoiled brat.
she hits my little 4year old, goes on the computer even if i forbid her, hangs out with girls i don t want her to hang out with and moreeeeeee!!!!
if i lock her into her room, she always finds a way to get out of her room ( escape through the window, her room is really close to the ground, so she can slip down her window)....
when i tell her she is grounded, she goes over to her inappropriate friends' houses and sleeps over without telling me.
i don t want to beat her, and i guess i won t.
i tried SEVERAL wilderness schools, and i don t see any change in her.
i think she even smokes.
what should i do now????
and is there a school that is oldfashioned and makes kids stand in the corner, hold their hands or butts out for a whip, so the children behave again???
thank u for ur time for answering,
a very worried mother

my 13year old is a spoiled brat.
she hits my little 4year old, goes on the computer even if i forbid her, hangs out with girls i don t want her to hang out with and moreeeeeee!!!!
if i lock her into her room, she always finds a way to get out of her room ( escape through the window, her room is really close to the ground, so she can slip down her window)....
when i tell her she is grounded, she goes over to her inappropriate friends' houses and sleeps over without telling me.
i don t want to beat her, and i guess i won t.
i tried SEVERAL wilderness schools, and i don t see any change in her.
i think she even smokes.
what should i do now????
and is there a school that is oldfashioned and makes kids stand in the corner, hold their hands or butts out for a whip, so the children behave again???
thank u for ur time for answering,
a very worried mother

by the way: she doesn t get whatever she wants. i m very strict with her, but she always manages to escape behind my back!!!

i know - it's 9.30, and guess what??
u'll think that s too late for a little, "cute" 13year old to make a mess right???
well for my little girl it isn't.
i read some of ur comments before she did the certain things, and i took consiquences.
here goes the story:
20minutes ago my daughter was hitting my little kid again( the worst part is, that my 13year old woke up my 4year old....that proves that my 4year old obviously didn t do anything).
well so i grapped my 13year old girl, pulled it to the side, sat on a chair and beat her butt up. she didn t make A move - she was shocked...maybe i wasn t strict after all...
anyway, i just got so mad that i beat her. she was so shocked she didn t even think about calling me a ****.
right now she is in a corner, on a chair, her arms burled around the chair, with a piece of cloth wrapped around her mouth.
she's having her first timeout since she is 7 ( if i wouldn t have got so many answers, she d only be "grounded").
i m positive if i keep

being so strict, some day she will respect me as her parent...until that day i ll be sad, but one thing will keep my head up: change is waiting.
thank you all soooooo much!!!!
not only from me, but probably from my 4year old, too.

Answer 1

First of all if she hits her sister then she could possibly have a violent nature rising and u need to get her help fast before the law has to deal with her and before your 4 yr old has to deal with emotional problems or worse. seconed of all if she goes on the computer when you forbid her then throw all of your computers away for sometime. (or if u can't part with your computer then send it off to a friend or family member that can keep it for you). If she hangs out with the wrong people then let her and see where it takes her. jail could do her some good and i know it can be hard for parents to do this, but if u know your child is doing something dangerous or illegal then u need to call the police and let her spend some time in jail, no bail. it might do her some good. plus u should talk to the inappropriate girls parents and see what they think? Beating her will proboly only make it worse. If u think she smokes then first u need to catch her in the act. when u do u need to make it a habit to check her room and around the house and throw the cigarettes away. oh, and when she gets her licensense, don't get her a car. and lastly, i don't know much about those kinds of schools, but keep looking and Good luck! i wish u well!

Answer 2

well, mom, the first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your child's behavior. You do understand the concept of parental controls on the computer (or if need be disasembling it and storing it elsewhere?). If you're as strict as you say, this shouldn't even be an issue.

As for the window - how about an alarm or lock?

It seems in reading that you've tried everything BUT handling your daughter yourself -- the answer isn't in wilderness adventures or severe schools, it's in how you handle your life every day, every moment AT HOME. How much of your time does your daughter get vs. the four year old? Do you favor him? Do you make her feel secondary? Ask yourself hard, honest questions here.

I suspect that there's a jealousy issue with the little one - and thirteen is highly horomonal. I strongly advocate family counselling. You need to become a more effective parent to a widely diversified family, and she needs to understand her emotions and get them under control. Also where's dad?

Additionally start finding ways to reward appropriate and positive behaviors rather than focusing so much on the negative (i.e you're indirectly rewarding the child for being bad by reacting so strongly to it). She wants your attention - so, if she does something good, remove the parental computer control and give her an hour online (as an example).

This situation didn't happen over night. You need to focus on when it started - that will help you understand part of the whys of your daughter's behavior (which is at least half the battle). Be prepared for tough love - and a lot of interaction with school, teachers, friends, etc.

One idea: get a sitter for the four year old and have a mom-daughter day. Go out to a neutral place, do something fun together and make a contract with each other. Let her tell you honestly what bothers her and what she wants, then you counter with what bothers you and what you want. Then you negotiate to find ways to meet both your expectations to some degree (if need be find a relatively neutral person who can act as a mediator).

I wish you much luck. I have three kids ranging from 9 to 20 so I understand the pressures that such wide gaps bring.

Answer 3

Darling you need to give that child tough LOVE
1- if the computer is in her room remove it,
2- don't ever go back to your word
3- is it possible to get her to a hospital where their is a children ward to volunteer work
4- since your daughter is 13 she is not suppose to sleep at someone house with the other parent knows she got permission
so next time call the police to have her pick
then maybe the parent will tell her that she is not welcome anymore
I will tell you this raisin children is like playing the lottery
it is by chance that some of us come out a winner
as long as you know that you did your best, meaning that you try to set a good example for her
than you need to pray night and day for God to help her
pray every time you think about her
believe that their is lite at the end of the tunnel
I am also a worried mother not because they are giving me problem but because it is so scare out there
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers
Good bless

Answer 4

OK, you say she goes on the computer when told not to--make it so you need a password for the computer, that only you know.
The only way to deal with kids like this is hit them wear it hurts. She obeys or their is a consequence. Forget locking her in her room. She is too old for that. She needs to learn to stay in her room with the door opened. There reason kids usually keep breaking the rules is because there isn't good consequence waiting for them.Parents are so indulging their bratty kids. She in no way shape or form, should be allowed on the computer, have a cell phone, watch TV etc etc , until she shapes up. You take everything away from her. If she runs away you call the cops. Is their a man in the house to help you? Worst case scenario she goes to juvenile or maybe a psychiatrist.

Answer 5

i'm thirteen, and i can't evan imagine being so terrible. I think that what you did was the right thing, but later i say that you should talk to her. Ask her why she acts out so much, if there is anything wrong that you don't know about, and then ask her if she DOES smoke. don't let her leave without answering. oh, and even if she says that she doesn't smoke, tell her all the consequinces of smoking.I read a true story about a girl who did cigarette comercials once, when she got older she had terrible lung problems, so bad that they had to cut a hole in her neck becouse she couldn't breath through her mouth. she could then barely talk, and the talking she could do was stratchy and hard to decifer.
another thing that i would tell her is that she CAN talk to you. tell her that when she tells you the truth about things she does, she'll still get in trouble, but it won't be as bad. also have her tell you her problems with frinds, school, and anything else. make sure that she KNOWS that you care.

Answer 6

I think it may work, not sure because it may be a little late for my cure. Whip her a lot, and don't consider it beating her because it's not, beating would be hurting her severely. It even says in the bible that you should whip your kid if they need it, and I'm sure your daughter needs it. Supervise her at all times, and if she's done something inappropriate, punish her to fit the crime. Take away all the things she uses to do something bad, e.g. the Internet, phones, transportation to friends houses, anything. If you can find any cigarettes, GET RID OF THEM!!! Get the school to move her to a class where she's not with any of her bad friends so they can't set a bad example. If you really wanted to, you could get her transfered to a class with christian kids as well, in case you wanted her to be around good kids. If you have any other questions to ask about my answer, don't be afraid to ask me.

Answer 7

my 15 year old daughter is similar. this summer she started smoking(not at home of course), she sneaks out when i am asleep or has her friends sneak in. we take things away, but we are not too strict. maybe she needs more. Last night was the last straw and I took everything away. No computer, no cell phone and she has to be with us every minute this whole weekend, even sleep in our room.
whew am I exhausted. when school starts if she wont behave, we are thinking of sending her away. It sounds like you have tried it with no luck. Now what???

Answer 8

well tied to a chair with a cloth in her mouth is a bit extreme, but, I thik she needs help. Just tell her to go do whatever she wants, no strings attached, and tell her you will be at home the entire time. Well, when she leaves you have someon follow her, or you, and see where she is going, and what she is doing. A lot of stuff she is doing, she really doesn't want to do,but is just trying to get attention. Give her a little bit more good attention, and not just the attention when you are getting on to her.

Answer 9

No, I had relatives with psychological ailment. My relatives became very adverse. the two could mothers and dads worked & helped human beings. I had to do alot of house conventional jobs. Now i'm 40 9 & I also have a son that died 8 years in the past & i desperate i became going to smash myself. i comprehend I deserve a great existence so I call for it now. i'm very advantageous to all and sundry I merely call for it from myself. I no long pinch pennies. i do no longer paintings at places that manage human beings like slaves. My husband & I end our jobs & began to do paintings we like. i admire human beings so I now make money assisting human beings. I paintings as a specialist organizer & a coach & this weekend i visit stay at a advantageous abode dogs sitting at evening. I merely elect the pass & my purely purpose in existence is my happiness. So I wasn't a spoiled new child yet i'm now.

Answer 10

Mine is 12 and it sounds like mine is trying to catch up with yours. She is rotten and just torments the crap out of my 5 year old. The computer is always going on at all hours. Well I had my fill and I sent her to live with her dad for a year. She just left last week. Maybe I was wrong but she is just a horrible brat and she would never act like that at her dad's (so she says) so we shall see and now my son who is 5 is much happier and is so at ease and not as angry as he was when his sister was here. If you find something that works please post it as I would love some advice too.