I want to get married but I amfacing a challenge. You see I have I have had a number of relationships and have been seriously hurt. Now I am at the point where I have decided that I will not be hurt anymore. The result is this: I want to get married but I will give respect, responsibility and resourcefulness but not emotion.
Do you think I should be honest and say this to anyone?
Would youaccept this in a marriage? Would you think about marrying someone with this problem? thanks for your response.
2006-09-02 13:53:38 · 26 answers · asked by sexonsight 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should find the right person someone you love. We've all had our ups and downs in relationships but these things help in the long run with the right one. Don't cheat your heart and soul out of something that we all live for. Most times people that marry just for the sake of being married regret it and find someone they love while married. You would only hurt the person you marry if you didn't love them.
2006-09-02 13:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is different for every couple. Certainly you could marry witthout emotion. Lots of people do. The question is why would you want to do that? Basically, you'd be creating a business unit in which you (hypothetically) would be financing someone to perform wifely duties for you. The business unit would represent itself as a household for tax and property ownership purposes, and community property laws would apply in certain states ( I live in California, a big CP state.) You could also request that the woman give up her last name and take yours to show her "employment" by your business. Is that what you want? If so, find someone who wants that too. Many women choose not to marry for love because of the risks involved. But personally, I think it sounds boring.
From another aspect, you cannot just choose to turn emotions on and off. If you keep your emotions out of something, they'll certainly find their way back - maybe in a way you don't want. You could just flip out one day. Don't think you want that.
Why not just be honest with future partners about your past hurts? Maybe they will desire you, hurts and all, and you'll be able to open up again. All women are not the same, contrary to what all those con artist dating books say! All men aren't the same either. Good luck.
2006-09-02 21:14:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hummmmm a detached emotion, relationship.. doubt if its possible.. u mine as well never get married then, because it wouldnt be a marriage, it would be a partnership of convience not anything real or substantial..
Hun, i too have been hurt a million times over in just about every way imaginable by men, i too was very leary about getting involved with men, and i am always waiting for the bottom to fall out from under my feet.. im very insecure, suffer from low self esteem, and i cant believe that anyone can actually really love me.. all do to all the pain in the past..
Im now married to a wonderful man, that is very patient, understand that ive been hurt time and time again and at times those scars pop out... Dont close ur heart, just be alot pickier then u've been, take notice of the red flags that always pop up that we tend to ignore cause we are blinded by love..
Id be willing to bet if u thought long and hard enough about every relationship that u've been in, there were things about him that u ignored in hopes that it was just a one time thing, or it seemed like not a big deal or u thought u could change about him.. stop that.. as soon as a red flag goes up, run before u get to involved.. realize there are great men in the world, unfortunately they are few and far between.. so thats why u have to be picky and not settle for less than what u want in a man.. but dont let all the horrible men of the past, keep u from something wonderful in ur future..
2006-09-02 22:02:14 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you marry, it will be a fraud and a failure. You need to take a serious time out from any and all relationships until you can leave your baggage behind and love someone with your whole heart. Otherwise, you will just drag your potential partner down into the abyss you are in, and you do not have that right just so you can meet some bizarre timetable for marriage. You need to grow up. Marriages are challenging when you love truly, but divorces are the worst kind of pain known to human kind.
2006-09-02 21:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by TXChristDem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously not ready for a new relationship if you still have these feelings you should stop worrying about finding someone and give yourself time to heal from the hurt you have already been through...A marriage involves more then respect and responsibility without emotions i don't see how it could work...
2006-09-02 20:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay what if you marry and 5 years down the road he cheats on you and you dont feel the jealousy, madness, rage that is totally normal to feel?? You just go on with you life married to a man that has totally disrespected you. He will cheat again and because you are emotionless it wont matter. You wont be able to feel his love when he hugs you at night or when he calls you. I wouldnt marry cause you are ready to settle for nothing. Cause the men in your life were mean and hateful to you. They just didnt know what they had.I would stay single until you found the man you want in life. You dont want to marry and 25 years down the road you regret what you could have had.
2006-09-02 21:00:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say that to someones face? Do you want to get smacked?
I don't know a woman in the world that this would fly with! Marriage is a total commitment. To a woman, emotion is what it is all about. It's about living a life with someone who you can connect with like no one else. A realtionship so intimate that you can share your thoughts, dreams, etc with like you wouldn't do with anyone else. Respect, resources, etc...that is just madatory extras!
Sounds like you need to see someone about your trust issues before you get in another relationship. You will get hurt in a marriage no matter what, you just have to learn how to forgive and deal with it. Good luck.
2006-09-02 20:58:08 · answer #7 · answered by nic_tammyscott 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that you shouldn't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. You can't totatly submit to your spouse if you are not going to allow them to tap into your emotions. I know it can be a scary feeling and one in which the person may feel they can't just stand another heart break but if they plan to move on past the hurt they must break the wall down. personally I would not marry someone who won't become emotionly attached to me.
2006-09-02 21:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by Be-Be 1913 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same way. i think that when you find the right person that you want to marry, things will change. you will give emotion to that person without having to think about it. That's what a real marriage is supposed to be about. my ex was the perfect guy, just not perfect for me, and i didnt want to marry someone who i didnt love like i should of. I dont think anyone wants to be married to someone just to be married, things dont last like that, and i wouldnt want to marry someone who wasnt marrying me out of love, nor would i want to do that to someone else.
2006-09-02 21:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you don't have a problem. You have gone through what many of us women go through. You get tired of the BS. It is not a bad thing. However, you can't hide from your emotions forever. You may think you can, but when that one person comes along, he will break through all those barriers. Don't be afraid to get down on your knees and pray about this. God will work it out.
2006-09-02 20:59:07 · answer #10 · answered by thesweetestthings24 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋