He doesnt talk with me, he talks at me. Our conversations are limited to who called you today, who did you talk to today, what did they say. When i talk about the kids hes not interested, only in what i did. I am going crazy and its been like this for 25 years, tries everything possible to keep me from my friends and family, (i ve lost quite a few friends through the years because of this) now my children are grown and leaving home. What do i do?
2006-09-02 13:33:50 · 32 answers · asked by wondering 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You put up with his controlling crap for 25 years?
You're either a saint or...never mind, don't want to be mean.
He's a controller, that's all. You will never have a life of your own until you leave him. No, counselling won't help him either. Neither will ultimatums---A CONTROLLER WILL NOT CHANGE because there is NOTHING wrong with HIM, you are the Problem! (that's what he thinks in his head so therefore, will NEVER EVER CHANGE).
Let his 2nd or 3rd wife worry about him. Start socking cash away in a secret bank account, research all of his financial info that you can (IRAs, investments, life ins, annuities, 401ks, retirement plans, pensions, etc), hire a good divorce attorney and the day you pack up and leave (preferably when he's not there, otherwise a controller can become VIOLENT, honey), go directly to the bank and take out exactly HALF of the savings/checking accounts.
AND DO NOT GO BACK!
I said DO NOT GO BACK to him!!!
good luck, be strong!
2006-09-02 13:43:31 · answer #1 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you put up with that for 25 years, you most likely will not do anything now, unless something very serious happens--for example, you will wake up and realize that you are not getting any younger and you are wasting your life on a man that does not care about you. I am sure thousands of people have this kind of problem. I suggest you find a marriage counselor and talk to him/her first. It looks like your husband is through with you. If he is taking you family and friends away from you, then you should not be with him. Even though he is a part of your family, he is not the only person in the world. I would leave him, no matter hard it would be. I would prefer having 100 friends and family members rather than a husband that talks at you, not with you and is not worth you.
2006-09-02 13:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Просто Я 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok he's very controling! you don't want that type of relationship at all! you can love a person all well and good but you gotta start looking at yourself! i would say leave his dumb ***! I been the child looking at my mother go through that and it sucks. It hurt me to see and know that that was what my father was doing to my mom! she got mad enough and left him! i think it was the best thing she did for herself and me and my brothers! So do what you feel is necessary! If your going to leave make sure you get the police to get your things with you! That way if he is there he really will be on his best behavior! Wehn u say it's over don't go back and give him a chance! Cause it could just be a lie to get you back and do something worse! Believe me i've seen it first hand so be carefull! My parents were married for 20 years and my mom put up with it too long!
2006-09-02 13:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by Black Betty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is controlling and manipulative. Since your children are grown and gone, you might seriously want to leave, too. At the very least, get some counseling. Your husband is NOT going to change and it will get worse. Life is too short to be with someone who wants to keep you from family and friends. Find someone to talk to. Weigh your options and make a decision. Your husband has no reason to change because he's satisfied with running things his way!
2006-09-02 13:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by clarity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people stay in relationships for the children or because they're afraid of how life is going to be outside of the environment that they 're used to. I've seen women stay in relationships they're not happy with and it does nothing but wear them down and make them age more. Everyone deserves to be happy. I've also seen were women and men left their significant others after a long time and turned out to be just fine, rather they've found another or is just alone. I would never tell you or anybody else to leave but, do what makes you happy. Maybe you should try counseling but, please don't spend the rest of your life miserable.
2006-09-02 13:50:50 · answer #5 · answered by Alilas-ro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well marriage is a sacred thing. I hate to tell you to leave him But, in your case it seems you have stayed with him through good times and hard times, seems the hard times out weight the good times for you. Just try to separate from him for a bit and tell him to straighten up because you have had it! Give him and alternative, Act right or leave you alone so that you can be happy. You deserve to be happy and be with friends. Make him straighten up or else Divorce him. If you know in your heart that you have done all you can and you feel like he will not stop, this is only hurting you. He has had 20 years to treat you right. You need to make that man walk the line! Good Luck to you! God Bless!
2006-09-02 13:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by SecretUser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me hes a controlling husband.... well I read in a mag that you want to stay away from those type of guys :( poor you! I would tell him to back the **** off and stop telling me what the **** I should do and stop asking me what I did.... also tell him you want some room in life and if you wont back the **** off then I will either leave your sorry *** and kick him really hard in the nuts! What a freak... like men think they can just shove around there wives I would be mad as you know what and fight back >:D
Hope you figure out how to set him straight.... because giving him 25 yrs of your life is alot!!!
2006-09-02 13:44:20 · answer #7 · answered by Yahoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have put up with this for 25 years? And put your kids through living with an emotionally absent father? What the heck is wrong with you? Women now days have so many options when it comes to leaving deadbeats like that. He has mental issues, trust me. Do yourself and your children a huge favor, Run. Don't waste money on therapy, don't waste any more years of your kids' life, run.
2006-09-02 13:41:32 · answer #8 · answered by el 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run...he's a control freak. I was married to one. It will never, ever get better. It will get worse until he has you with no friends, no family to socialize with and you wind up staying home looking at 4 walls and a roof because he won't and probably can't carry on a decent conversation. He has an anti social behavior problem. Been there, lived that, got the TShirt and the divorce decree...and thank goodness I did.
2006-09-02 13:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by J Somethingorother 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't changed in 25 years, he is not going to now. You said the kids are grown and leaving home, right? Maybe it is time to get a divorce. You deserve better than this.
2006-09-02 14:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋