My future husband & I both got tested (even though I am a virgin) and have no STDs.
I wonder if I have a little OCD or Anxiety issues, because I keep thinking of scenarios where I will contract HIV from unprotected sex (like what if one day he has an affair & doesn't tell me).
But I can't expect him to want to use a condom for the extent of our marriage right? Should I talk to a mental health professional. Thank you.
I have heard of a lot of cases also in third world countries where husbands bring HIV home to their wives. I just can't get that out of my mind. please help!
2006-09-02 12:53:56 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no he doesn't travel to 3rd world countries! I have talked w/ him & he's very understanding but I wonder if this is some sort of an obsession or normal....
2006-09-02 13:02:01 · update #1
If you both have been tested and you are still obsessing about it, you really need to get professional help.
Please get it as soon as possible. You don't want this affecting your marriage.
2006-09-02 12:56:48 · answer #1 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably an irrational fear of disease. Do you worry about other things as much as this?
It sounds like you have some stuff to work through before you become sexually active with ANYONE. Talk to a counselor that specializes in OCD and anxiety issues. They can help you work through it.
Were you raised in a enviorment that treated sex as dirty and if you have sex...you'll get AIDS?
Get the facts. Nail down the risk factors. If he's not cheating or using IV drugs...there isn't much to worry about.
I assume you trust him...you are planning on getting married.
Maybe you should take some time out from the wedding planning and just relax.
2006-09-02 13:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by Smartypants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly OK to use condoms in marriage, for birth control. However, if you want kids there's no place for condom. But, you can use condom in between your labors, I think it's normal. Maybe you don't want to have kids one after the other. So, that is a little bit more protection. Still, I understand your fear. The best protection is to choose good husband. And, relax! Life is not so predictable anyway, sex diseases are just 1 % of the dangers to your life. OK, I didn't mean to freak you out. :)
2006-09-02 13:01:44 · answer #3 · answered by cityexplorer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A counselor will do you no good at all. Your have two choices, stay a virgin or sit down with your prospective husband and talk about it.
Get it straight before you tie the knot, that you must be informed if he has sex outside of the marriage, and if that is ok with you, Insist that he be checked for the virus before you have sex with him the next time.
If you would still want to stay married to him after he has extra marital sex, then assure him that you understand his needs and both of you can agree that he will tell you and then get checked.
A counselor may tell you a lot of things to make you feel better, but it would not do you any good.
Your fear is normal and natural. It is not your fault.
2006-09-02 13:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It does sound like you've got some anxiety and I think speaking with a therapist might help out here....
You've both been tested. You could continue to request testing throughout the course of your marriage, but it sounds like trust might be more of an issue than fear of disease.
My larger concern would be that you not trusting him to stay faithful might be destructive to your marriage. If he's not trustworthy, then don't marry him. If you can't trust him no matter what, then you need to resolve this issue before marriage.
If your dad cheated on your mom or something, this could be a factor here. Otherwise... you need some help to figure it out.
Don't get married until you've resolved the issues please. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.
Good luck to you....
2006-09-02 12:59:20 · answer #5 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are afraid like every women.but if this going to be your husband you have to trust him don't think about negative things on your marriage and no he wont want to wear a condom if you too are marry maybe you should talk to a health professional because you sound like you take this very serious which is a good thing but you are in to far being that you think this about the man you are going to marry in 3 months! i wish you the best in everything
2006-09-02 14:46:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern but I don't think is nothing you can do but trust your fiance. No, if in some stage you want to have a baby, protect sex won't be a option. I think that you should relax and enjoy more. Ask yourself, what is the worst could happen? Usually the answer is amazing! Anyway, good luck and have a nice wedding!
2006-09-02 13:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by 𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓎𝓊𝓀𝒾 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt be geting married if you are having some issues with him and with the union itself....you should be trusting your husband that he will not have an affair. I think you should do a lot of thinking and assess if you're ready for marriage before doing it.
2006-09-02 12:56:36 · answer #8 · answered by Beachy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling will definitely be of use to you. It will be miserable going through life with those fears, unfounded or real and has the potential to destroy your marriage. You shouldn't be starting your married life with distrust about your husband. Get these issues under control first before marriage.
2006-09-02 13:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, it could be all in your mind, or it could be very well a problem. I think if you know your fiancee, you should be able to make a decison on condom use in the relationship. but your relationship should be built on love not the fear of hiv, you two should seek counciling anyways so you could get your fears out in the open. i should stop right here,..i could get wordy on this one
2006-09-02 13:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by knightedtraveller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you live in a 3rd world country? how does he bring it home? did he pick it up with the loaf of bread and milk at the store? this is definitely going to affect your marriage and your sex life. if you don't get some kind of mental help you man i doomed. i feel so bad he has to deal with this.
2006-09-02 12:57:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋