My wife, who is in the Army 1000+ miles away text-messages me to prepare for divorce papers! I've tried eveything i can to repair the relationship and make her understand i love her. She's been smuggling money into a solo-account from our joint account until i caught on, and this is after months of spending it wildly at training camp. I don't know if she's having an affair (thought she denies it), but everyone else thinks she is. Should I despise her and hate her for the rest of my life? I know some divorced couples are "still friends," but we have no children and nothing else binding us together.
2006-09-02 12:52:16 · 22 answers · asked by zelgadiss 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, maybe not "Hate" but "dislike" or "alienate" would be better words. Adn for those of you who are telling me to find someone else, I'm not the most attractive person in the world, so finding someone lovely like her was dream come true for me. Now I'm older and alone.
2006-09-02 14:04:54 · update #1
No, you absolutely should NOT despise and hate her for the rest of your life.
You will have better things to do than to hate ANYONE.
Move on from this, find a constructive way to disperse your anger and build a better life.
It's normal to have anger and resentment, but you must discharge it in a healthy manner.
Get counseling and work THROUGH it because if you don't it'll have an adverse effect on EVERY subsequent relationship you'll have, and you DON'T want her to have that kind of long-term hold on you, do you?
Of course not!
2006-09-02 12:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by cboni2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hate is a strong word. i personally say you dont have to like her at all, and thank god you dont have children together. hating her wont do you any good since more then likely you wont ever get to see her and if you do try and hate her it will effect your next marriage. just chalk this up to she is an idiot and move on hell you get to keep every thing in the house you and her started as you need to claim that you got rid of it all before she filed for the divorce and let her know that its all gone. and just let her file for the divorce if your not at the last known address she will file and the courts will grant the divorce any how. its time to move on and find the right woman and enjoy life again
2006-09-02 20:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings and the inclination to hate her for the hurt your experiencing but you would be better served to move on with your life and find someone more compatible and available. At least your fortunate that children are not involved in the situation .
You'll do better the next time around and when you find Mrs. Right you'll realize this women did you a favor and you'll have found a better woman you deserve. Good luck to you , I"ve been there myself and am now married for 20 years to a much better woman.
2006-09-02 20:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate is a wasted emotion that once you are filled with you will not have room for anything else. Let her go, be glad you didn't have kids to drag through the divorce and consider the money she stole as payment for having her out of your life for good. It's likely a small price to pay to be able to move on and find someone that will be as true to you as you are to her.
2006-09-02 20:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. It's wrong of her to "smuggle/steal" ya'lls money into her account. You can't prove she's having an affair if there's no proof or she hasn't admitted to it. She may have just fallen out of love, unfortunately. Don't be swayed by other people's advise on whether or not you should be friends with her, follow your heart. Sure, you're hurt now, but let nature take it's course. God bless and hope all turns out with you.
2006-09-02 19:59:14 · answer #5 · answered by swrong 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No,Definitely not.That only makes the damage on going.I would suggest looking at it from a different perspective.First you shouldn't hate anyone,It is their stinking thinking that makes them worthless.And I for one have had my share of stinking thoughts,But that same person appealed to you when you thought she was a decent person.Just chalk it up to experience and get a life.Forgiving her will help you to enjoy the rest of your life instead of living it miserable or locked up for life without parole.At least you have the option now to look a little harder and more carefully for a decent women instead of worthless trash.Be thankful that your getting off the hook by splitting up.Remember there are billions of women out there,Who knows you might find one or two decent ones.Take care and be smart!
2006-09-02 20:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 13 1/2 years with no children. My ex-husband was cheating on me for awhile before I found out. During that time he was hiding money as well. Once I found out, he no longer hid anything and brazenly bought her a car while we were still married. I admit I hated him and her for a long time after we separated but I eventually realized I was wasting too much time on them and not enough on myself.
Once I let go of my anger and hate, I met a wonderful man who treats me with respect and love. We have been married for 3 years and I have never been happier.
2006-09-02 20:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 10 years. My husband is from Germany. He asked me to move back to Germany with him and our 2 children. Now we are in Germany. 2 weeks after we moved here, bought a car, bought a house and was treated like crap, he tells me he wants a divorce and I need to move out with the children. I have no family here. They are all in the states. I can't move back to the states because I would have to leave the children here (they are German citizen). My "husband" knows that. He hasn't paid child/spousal support for 6 months. The children and I are living on welfare. He left me for his 18 year old cousin, he is 37. He is spreading lies about me to all our friends and his family that one of our children isn't even his. Do I hate him? No. I feel sorry for him that he is so bitter and unhappy with himself that he has to do this to me. I have forgiven him for all of this. I think I am able to cope with this because I have forgiven him. You need to try it too. It really does help.
2006-09-04 14:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by calichick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously man...don't waste time hating. It'll just eat ya up and prevent you from living your life. It'll take some time but just move on. Feel hurt an stuff...that's fine...but don't waste time hating...If you're to the point where you are asking yourself this question doesn't that mean that's it's time to move on anyhow?
2006-09-02 19:58:25 · answer #9 · answered by eastern_mountain_outdoors 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate is such a strong word. I'm sure you don't like the things she has done, but for your sake I wouldn't hate her. You need to move on with your life and find someone who can appreciate you.
2006-09-02 20:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋