Parents: do you live exclusively for your children or...?

Question

are you still a full person by yourself with your jobs, hobbies, etc?Do you still party or the only parties you go are children parties? Do you still have time to take care of yourself and treat yourself sometimes?

Answer 1

No. I do not live exclusively for my children. I stay at home. I even home school. My kids are 6 & 3. But I have a complete life outside of being a mom. I do volunteer work. I run a home business. At one point I was heavily involved in community theatre. In fact, I was in the middle of doing A Midsummer Night's Dream when I was pregnant with my second child. I started rehearsals huge and fat from pregnancy and by the time the show opened I had a new baby at home. He was a week old when I was out performing the play. I have a huge interest in the paranormal and cofounded a local investigative group with a friend.

I am not much of a party person and never have been. I like to hang out with my friends but I rarely party. I get my hair done regularly, I get a massage twice a month, and I get waxings every five weeks. I do my own manicures and pedicures.

I collect body art and piercings. I'm a sucker for any show by Joss Whedon and I read almost anything. Yes, I'm a mom but that doesn't define me. My best friend is 34 with no children. We get along great. I hear people complain that they can't find friends who have kids their own kids' age. Why do you need to? I never understood that. I spend all day with my kids. I'm glad I do. I love them and think they're better off being home schooled. The hard work is worth it. But at the end of the day, I do not want to talk about the kids.

My kids are invovled in sports. When my son is at tae kwon do I have to sit and wait in the parent's room. All those other mom's talk about is their kids. I can't stand it. Do they not have any other interests? No one talks about tv, movies, books, hobbies, etc. It is kids, kids, kids. Sadly, I think most moms have no life outside their children. I'm proud to be a mom of two with another on the way but I'm still me.

Answer 2

A year ago I probably would have said exclusively for the children. Recently I have been trying to do more for myself. It is hard because you do not want to take that time away from them, but at the same time it is important to stay you. How can you teach your children to be well rounded human beings and to live a full life, if you do not do it for yourself? I have found that now that I am taking a little more me time it seems that I am doing a lot more fun stuff with the children too, we are finding things to enjoy together.

Answer 3

For the first year of my sons life, I was a mom and that's pretty much it. I read a lot, because my son nursed a lot (we nicknamed him the booby monster!) and so I went through all the Harry Potters (6 books) , Clan of the cavebear (7 books) and many more. I had a tiny reading lamp for when he nursed in the night, but before I was ready to sleep.
Now that he's older, I started sewing again (almost finished my first quilt!), I go to see movies w/ my husband, and take more time to myself. I dont party as much as before, partly because I live in the country (I lived in the city before) and also because I'd rather spend my money on other things, like housestuff and craft supplies.
My husband takes care of our son for 2 days each month so I can go to the Quilter's Guild Meeting in the morning, and do whatever I want in the afternoon. So no having to feed my son, change a diaper, or pick up any Legos for the day!

Answer 4

My kids' needs (not just physical needs but emotional ones) come before my needs and wants. But that doesn't mean I don't get to have a little fun in life. For the first year of my first child's life, I was pretty much a homebody and didn't go to events and such. I think I was just too tired and overwhelmed. After that, I got used to living with a little one and hubby and I were able to go out for some fun. Each set of grandparents babysat one Saturday night a month--overnight.

I guess it's the question of what kids' actual needs are: food, clothes, shelter, love, stability. That's what varies from parent to parent with some parents thinking that some things are "needs" that other parents consider "wants" like music lessons or toddler gymnastics/fitness classes.

If you are clear on what you consider a need for your child, then you can judge if you are going too far in being away for long stretches or even going out for an evening.

Answer 5

If I wasn't prepared to live exclusively for my children, I (and my wife) would not have had them! That said, as they get older there will always be more and more opportunities to live life for 'me'.

That's not to imply that we pander to our children, they by no means get an easy ride, but they do get a supportive one, we are always here for them! Always.

My children are my world, they make me a 'full person', they are my 'job' and my 'hobby', I can think of nothing else in life that holds a candle to them and I am proud to say that they ARE my world.

Plus I actually like the children's parties (more 'fun'). We all take care of ourselves, if there is a 'treat' to have, we all have it.

What else in life can really compare to your own children?

Answer 6

I still work full time and spend the majority of my other time with the kids. i believe it's important to still have time for yourself, though. when i run errands i do it by myself just to get a little break and i usually try to do something without the kids about once a month. if there's something special going on like a party, wedding, etc i usually get a babysitter and take full advantage of the few hours without the kids.

Answer 7

It is my personal opinion that parents that live exclusively for their children are actually setting their children up for disappointment later on in life. The world does not revolve around any one person and children do need to be loved and taken care of but also need to know that the world does not revolve around them. They should be taught at an early age that they need to respect others and not expect to simply be handed anything and everything that they desire. Being a parent is the most rewarding job but also the hardest job anyone could have.

Answer 8

Well, everyone is different. Personally I believe in having my own time as well as dedicating much to my dauther. From when she was born until she was three and a half, I ran a busy pub and restaurant, though she was always around it wasn't always easy to give her my undivided attention. Still, it encouraged her to grow up sociable and as she was around adults alot, she had a wider perspective than some of her little friends.

Then I got really sick and have been since then, so I have to chose what energy I do spend. Naturally this has to include things like attending to her needs and getting her to school, doesn't really leave much time for outings and having her friends over. Saying that, when I am well enough, we do catch up on a lot of that stuff.

She is now 8 and is a beautiful, well behaved, polite, funny, intelligent and loving child, I could go on. Sometimes, even if I haven't had much energy, I have to get out and do something for myself, that doesn't involve my illness, or even my wonderful daughter. She understands that and she herself sometimes has to go and do her own thing at friend's houses, without mummy. To be honest, its quite nice when we both get home and have missed each other. As a single mother, everyone needs a break, me from her, she from me as most of the time we are together, and much of the time she is looking after me!! We look after each other, and are fortunate to have my parents nearby who look after us both, either together, or her on her own so I can get some rest.

Even with all that, and not having much energy, I still make sure I have me time. I think any mother should have some. Some mothers are so completed by having children that they completely thrive on their kids and live for them. Some mothers may well not have bothered having any at all for all the time they spend with them. I don't mean by going out to work, I mean by having overactive social lives. But it takes all sorts.

I think as mothers, we should, when we can, treat ourselves, have time for ourselves, go to the occasional adult party when we can, work if we want to and have the opportunity, take part in our hobbies. Its such a personal thing, and we can't always do what we want where our children are concerned, but lets face it, bringing them up is a full time job in itself, only you never get to clock off.

Answer 9

I live for my children and husband,i still take care of my self and have'nt been to a party in over 3 yrs.I have only left my 14 mth old twice for a few hours but that is it.My 5 yr old started kindergarten this year.The only time i get is 2hrs every day to myself when he is napping.I love my life and would'nt have it any other way.

Answer 10

When your kids are little you always put them first. As they grow older you need to find other things to do with your time. If you don't, when they are gone from home you will have the "empty nest" syndrome. If you want to party when they are young go ahead but make sure you have a reasonable person watching them. I learned this the hard way by living for my kids. Now that they are grown and gone its kinda lonely.