I don't want kids, but my wife does and I feel terrible about it...help!?

Question

I am married to a wonderful woman and we love each other very much. The problem is that when we met, I wanted kids and she did as well. Recently, however, I feel less and less inclined to have children. I look at the world and see what a mess it is in and it affects me in that I don't want kids. There is a sense of hopelessness that I feel and want to know what others feel? My wife wants a child but from time to time she indicates that she doesn't want the responsibility that goes with having a child. We have a good life as it is. If she wants a child I will not say no, but I feel an emptiness about it.

Nice answer rebeandphantom. People like you are why I don't want kids in the first place.

Answer 1

It's not about the child, or your wife, or the world. It's about you. You should look into your own feelings and try to see what it is that is causing you to be so negative about life and the world. Children are the future, and if you can raise a child to be productive and experience unconditional love and acceptance, you could have a little person on your hands who can do amazing things for the world. Also, until you experience the unconditional love that a child brings into your life, you will always be missing something. The miracle of life brings all kinds of wonderful learning experiences into your life. Why not just do it, and risk it? Just a thought, I hope this helps.

Answer 2

You say you don't want children because of the way the world is today, but if you raise your child with your values and morals, maybe they will be one of the people to make the world a better place. When you got married, your wife thought you were both on the same page, and although it sounds like she may not be ready for the responsibility of a child yet, she shouldn't be left in the dark about how you feel either. She should have the right to decide if she still wants to be with someone who does not have the same goals as her. On one side you may change your mind again by the time she is ready, but on the other, you may not. and staying together, should be something that you both make the decision about.

Answer 3

I understand your logic completely. However, the current situation of the world is a reflection of upbringing. You see, know and understand the problems of the world right now. The worst thing you could do is do an "inaction." If you want to fix it, have children. Why? Each generation has it's peaks in valleys in morale, right now many men and woman are feeling the same thing as you. But if you have children you can teach them about morals and values, and thus...shape the future. ; )

We have a three year old now...yes there is a lot of work regarding raising a child. But I would not give up one day of it. Being a father is great. Every challenge they face, you can help. Every achievement they make, you know you helped be a part of it.

"In my mind, the law of the majority does not exist." In other words, don't let the world make your decision on this issue.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

This is a completely natural feeling. If your wife wants kids and doesn't like the responsibility then that means she is only dreaming about it; personally, I don't think she is even ready to take that leap just yet. Wait a little longer and maybe you'll find that kids aren't that bad! Just relax don't get too fustrated with this situation. Though, I think it's wise to tell your wife that maybe you'd like to wait a little longer till you get kids. Make it sweet like tell her that you're life with her is perfect as it is and you'd like more time with her before you both become dedicated to raising a child.

Answer 5

Don't have kids if you aren't jumpin for joy to have one- my friends got married and agreed to not have kids- a few years into their marriage she changed her mind and told him she wanted to go off birth control- he reluctantly agreed- 1 week later she was pregnant- hmmm--anyway- now the baby is just over as year and their marriage is on the rocks- divorce is on the horizon- he now gets to look forward to losing the house and paying child support for a baby and someone who has never worked---think long and hard-- also--wear a condom every time- or she just may change your life for you- and its very expensive- not just $$$$$---PS there a women out there who are wonderful and don't want to have kids- even thought they love them-- I always say - sometimes you have to love your child enough not to have them.

Answer 6

get over it

ponder and get real

raising children that will have a positive affect on the earth is one of the few truly worthwhile things that can be done

overcome that emptiness

the earth is more prosperous than ever before and no more warlike

I have 5 children and just last year my daughter handed me my first grandson and my heart sang in a whole new way

don't be old and lonely just because of fear and frustration

beat it, overcome it

do it

Answer 7

You need to explain to her what is going on. Let her know how you are feeling about it. Maybe you are right, maybe she has changed her mind about having children as well. But if not, you need to discuss it now before it goes much further.

Answer 8

Tell her it will be irreversible and it will be too late when she regrets having a child. Better to have a dog or a cat, they are more loyal and loving and won't give you so much trouble.

Answer 9

I don't think most people are good parents when they have unwanted children. You two may not be a match

Answer 10

thats a personal descision, but you sound like you both will make very good parents----and maybe your children will help or be the ones to turn the world around-------