Is my husband tired of me?

Question

My husband of 10 years, whom I know for a fact is faithful to me, seems like all he wants to do here lately is work. We are well off financially, we have a 3 year old boy, and he needs his daddy around more often. I have explained to him that I miss seeing him and that our son is going to grow up fast and he is going to regret not spending more time with us. We used to do things all the time before our son was born, but now I have to beg him to ( go out, go on vacation, etc.) All he wants to do when he comes home is crash on the couch in front of the TV. Plus he snaps at me alot. I am worried that he is losing interest in me. I even almost had an affair because another man was showing me much needed attention. (Thank God that never happened) but I feel so lonely sometimes.

Answer 1

It sounds like hes going thru a mid life crisis. Job and family stress are getting to him and hes just not sure how to adjust to it, Unfortunately, these affect the whole family and take time to undo. Hes trying to come to terms with it now. Was nice to read you didnt follow thru with the affair as this would have only added to your problems. Just be patient with him, dont pressure him too much and everything will be just fine. It sounds to me that his crisis isnt too deep so this shouldnt take too long to overcome. Good luck

Answer 2

What you've got is a major communications block. Hubby probably feels like he's got all these responsibilities ... home, bills, kids, cars, etc. He's also probably feeling a little left out because the time you used to spend with him is now taken up by your son. Arrange for someone to take your son for a few hours and have a date with your hubby -- laugh, talk, have sex and re-connect with hubby. Talk being the most important one! You also might try marriage counseling, everyone needs some help once in awhile. :)

Answer 3

its good you didnt have the affair. I ahev the same problem sometimes but i guess everybody is different when showing affection or being involved in family outtings. just dont give up or give in pray and ask the Lord to help you and to guild you in this situation. As long as you keep doing what you are suppose to then dont worry (i know better said than done but try). Maybe he has someone else maybe but just relax and be there for your son and in the end you will realize he is all you needed anyway.

Answer 4

I doubt that he's tired of you, but he's almost certainly tired of his life. He's probably feeling trapped, like he has no control over his life and that he's missed out on so much that he wanted to do.

Did you see _The Incredibles_? That's a perfect metaphor for what men go through in middle age. When we're young we want to be heroic. We have all these visions of what we'll accomplish and what we'll be. Then, a few years later, we find ourselves in a cubicle working for a (perceived) lesser man as undervalued cogs in a faceless machine. It's easy to become disillusioned with oneself under those conditions -- and few of us are honest enough to avoid transferring that disillusionment onto others. Wives and bosses are the preferred targets.

The bottom line, IMO, is that your husband needs to feel like a hero and has lost sight of what a hero he is to his son. So show him what a hero he is to you. Let him know how much you appreciate how hard he works to support his family. Thank him for taking out the trash and for other things that he ought to be doing anyway. Don't gush, but be openly appreciative -- in front of other people when possible. And when you have sex (something that doesn't happen as often as you'd like, I'm guessing), break your usual pattern and be vocal in bed. When he feels appreciated -- something that men need as badly as women need romance -- he'll realize that he isn't tired of you.

Answer 5

My wife insisted that I do something special with our son every Saturday. She told our (5 yr old at the time) son that I would do it-to make sure that I would. It was one of the best things she ever did for me. My son and I have had lots of meaningful Saturdays together, and I appreciate her for what she did.

Sometimes men just get stuck in a routine and don't want to be bothered. If you have read Men are From Mars-it's called being in our cave.

Answer 6

i know what you going through it hard to get his Attn. when you think he does not like you any more and feeling lonely is the worst pain when you are married and the only conversation is with the kids so just talk to him hang in there it will get better take the the baby over someone house and the two of you go out spend time together get the romance back and everything should fall in place

Answer 7

Go somewhere secluded and vacant. Sit across from each other. Tell him to be completely honest. Tell him how you feel and that you want him around and ask him why he hasn't been around. If you bring it up at home he can easily leave the house. So go somewhere that leaving won't be easy and he'd have to talk to you. IF you think he's being shady about something tell him. Don't let the voice levels rise. Keep the conversation calm. Approach him about this calmly and nicely.

Answer 8

Dont listen to the other guy. Listen, as human beings we get into daily rut's. If daily routines don't change over a period of time we get used to our pathetic daily lives, and in turn begin to question our life as we see it. So change his rut. Send your son to a relative for a night a week and do what you did when you made that child. GET WILD. if you start there then you can release the tension and begin a communication.

Try it, it works. I have been married for 20 years and my wife is still to me my bride.

Answer 9

He is tired because of the long hours. I would maybe a little concerned because of all the stories about people working those long hours and are actually having an affair. I know you said he not and its just my opinion.

Answer 10

Its always a possibility......but maybe there just isn't enough romance going on partly because there is no time..but anyway.....next time he comes....home......have a nice dinner waiting candle light.......just the two of you........maybe take your son to his aunts or something until the next day.....if that's possible........then make him a card....with a very sultry poem....or something like that.....and give it to him doing dinner........after that well its up to you guys......or maybe you guys need to get out more often.......and go to the movies.but since you said you have to beg him to go out the first one is probably your best bet.......some of the people that answered you should have been more supportive and helpful i am sorry for their rudeness.....and inconsiderate answers.