my soon 2 be ex husband has started asking our 16 year old daughter what i am doing. ie have i a boyfriend. i feel he lost all right to no anything about my person life, the day he left 4 another woman. why has he started asking questions now ?
2006-09-02 10:04:35 · 51 answers · asked by jaki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PLEASE DONT PUT YOUR DAUGHTER IN THAT TERRIBLE POSITION.
2006-09-02 10:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by kim j 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't be asking her q like that and putting her under pressure like that.
If i was you, i would say something to him calmly about the situation and tell him that you don't appreciate him putting your daughter in that position and that it is none of his business.
At the same time you should be proud of how you have re-built your life into something positive so why should she have to lie?
Surely you should know that lying is wrong, and the truth always comes out in the end and it is always 10x worse than if you had just been honest in the 1st place!
He's realising now that the grass is not always greener on the other side and prob thought that you would always be there crying over him and waiting for him to come back, now he's prob realised that its not like that all, he will be the one left crying whilst you move onto a fab life!
Good luck with the future and don't let him and his games take over your life so that he has you right back where he wants you!!
2006-09-06 03:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by GeorgieP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't ask your daughter to lie - it is okay to ask her not to tell (unless asked) or even to say 'you do not need to know this' concerning certain inappropriate questions or just 'ask mom yourself' but not to go and actually lie because it is bad guidance for her and afterall your husband is the one who ended the marriage by leaving for another. You will be far more respected by your daughter in the long run if you stick to the truth - so what if your husband is asking about your boyfriend.- he can't have his cake and eat it and that is what he is probably learning now. Most importantly, unless your husband is totally evil (like hitting you / similar) then you should let your daughter continue her relationship with him in a healthy non-manipulative way.
2006-09-02 10:13:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u should have your daughter tell him to ask u everytime he ask a question like that and also u should talk to ur ex about not putting her in the middle its wrong and on the same token u shouldnt ask her anything about his personal life either. I've been the child in the middle and it SUX!!!!! Its bad enough she now has to go through a divorce please save her the extra drama. Talk to him and when i say talk i mean civily as 2 adults for ur daughters sake. I hope all works out well. Ive been the child going through a divorce and i am now going through one myself. Keep ur head up hun it gets better and remember its affecting your daughter also dont forget to be there for her too. Good Luck.
2006-09-02 10:20:58 · answer #4 · answered by crazy beautiful 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you have children with a man they think they own you forever and they have a right to know your business, but you cant know about their life. I wouldnt ask your daughter to lie if hes that interested his new life must be sadly lacking something. Get on with what you want to do and show no interest in him. My 15 year old daughter speaks to her dad but I never ask her whats said its their relationship and im not interested what she tells him. Maybe hes realised that hes lost something good.
2006-09-02 10:18:54 · answer #5 · answered by jean m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be he's regretting leaving you in the first place or his relationship with the other woman has now ended. I would say that it's because obviously your divorce must be due shortly and he may be feeling a little sad that it ended the way it did.
Best thing for your daughter to say to him is if you want to know, why not ask mum ?
2006-09-02 23:41:28 · answer #6 · answered by chelsea19622000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asking your child to lie to her Dad IS terribly wrong. It's fine to ask her not to tell her Dad anything about you, or what you are doing. She's 16, so she should abide by your wishes. He left you, so he has NO right to ask questions about you, but that isn't anything you can control. You also shouldn't ask your daughter for info about what he is doing. As to why he asks: jealousy. He somehow feels he has some stake in what you do- but he's wrong.
2006-09-02 10:53:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's important for you, yourself to tell him that these things are none of his business, and that in order to not make your daughter uncomfortable he should ask YOU if he has questions about your personal life.
The problem with asking your daughter to lie is that if she feels loyalty to both you and your ex, she will feel horrible if you put her in a position of having to lie to, and therefore betray, her father. You two may not be in a relationship anymore, but she still needs the freedom to maintain a loving relationship with you both. She'll remember your understanding and love if you don't put her in bad positions like that.
2006-09-02 10:17:50 · answer #8 · answered by jenjubatus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel bad for your daughter as it's obvious she is the one who has been hurt the most from this situation. Your ex is using her to get to you. I can't imagine what her self-esteem must be like right now, torn between pleasing her dad and protecting you. That's not her job.
If you want your daughter to love and respect you, then you need to stand up to your ex and confront him. You need to tell him that he has no right to ask your daughter what you are doing with your life and that if it continues, you'll take the issue up with the courts as he is mentally abusing your daughter. You can also tell him that it's none of his business what you do now that the two of you are getting divorced.
Please do not ask her to lie for you. In standing up for yourself, you'll be proving to her that you are strong and capable of handling life's issues. She needs a good role model-you can be that for her.
2006-09-02 10:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by Draga M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right. he has lost all rights, dare I say , given away all rights to know what you elect to do in your everyday life,.....nothing to do with him, so I am astonished that you should feel that, there should be a need for your daughter to lie, hell,.... it is nothing to do with him , if you choose to date the 'Band of the Royal Scot's Guards '.... That is your business, and yours alone, don't ask your daughter to lie, there is no need, your life is yours, not, his. Surely, the reason he has started asking questions now, is obvious, he is starting to see what he let go of,...........
2006-09-02 10:29:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO AND NO , Just tell her to tell him , if you want to know what mom is doing please ask her and kindly keep me out of it. Never put a child in the middle of your problems. Right now dad seems to be the 1 doing that , but if you tell her to lie , then you will be no better. A16 yr old has enough problems of their own , that's not an easy age ,, if she's asked to do this , she may turn away from you both.
2006-09-02 10:12:57 · answer #11 · answered by ridingthestorm_out 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋