My Armageddon Has Begun
I am hurting deep
And no one will see.
The ripping and tearing has started,
My Armageddon has begun.
To shreds they reduce everything that was my life.
And now all I have is this empty void.
But they will not stop
Until they fill every atom that I am
With this unbearable uncertainty and pain.
Slowly the redness of my eyes will haunt even my innocent dreams.
My every waking moment will become the personification of pain.
The existence that I am to become
Will be punishment
No better than that dealt by the fair Devil.
The people will stare and gawk
And pity - contained - will make them feel better.
The children will show what the parents really feel,
They are happy now
But soon they will become me.
But today has begun,
Today my Armageddon has begun.
-----------------------------
yeah that's it ... if it matters i'm 15
2006-09-02 09:19:58 · 55 answers · asked by Elfryth 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I will give you 7 honey..!!
you show lots of promise.
keep up the good work..!
oh yeah.. why dont you post this on www.poetry.com too?
2006-09-02 09:26:43 · answer #1 · answered by casanova_indica 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
10
2006-09-02 09:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10
2006-09-02 09:21:53 · answer #3 · answered by LOSEROFTHEYEAR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you're a teenager aren't you? Read all your English lit. Pay attention to the literary criticism - how they deal with imagery and structure for instance, and then you can critique your own stuff. If you like to write it will be the best thing for you. You have logic issues - for instance if you were pain personified - wouldn't ripping you be good? and how can you be all those atoms is you are nothing. Your figurative language is nice but it doesn't go together- if it's an Armageddon there should be a battle - between who or what? so you need to make it logically clear to the reader. well 6 out of 10 - if it helps i think you have several ideas for poems here that you should split up.
2006-09-02 09:32:13 · answer #4 · answered by kazak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4. It sounds a little forced and does too much "talking" and not enough "showing". You may try to use a little more metaphor in addition to the obvious Armageddon metaphor. It sounds good as a starting point and I think with some work you could be writing really amazing poetry. For 15, I think you are very talented and I think your potential as a writer is a very high. Try reading some work by other poets like Pablo Neruda (my fave), Nikki Giovani, Sylvia Plath, Rainer Maria Rilke and Maya Angelo. Good luck!
2006-09-02 14:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the poem seems very sad. are you sad too. you are only 15 and that does matter you have a lot of living left to do. If things in you life are not the way you want them to be you can change things.Try to do things you enjoy be around people you like. Do not let the Armageddon begin you have the power to stop it. Use your writing to take you to a better place write happy thoughts and soon you will be happy. Hope you can enjoy life to the fullest good luck and I really mean that.
2006-09-02 09:27:54 · answer #6 · answered by advantage_taken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very depressing, kind of vague. The imagery was broken, like the sound of a radio halfway between stations. It wouldn't be so glaringly broken if it had more value in recitation-- the sounds are lacking memorability or pleasurable mouth feel. Saying this poem aloud sounds like a running commentary to me.
None of this makes it a bad poem, just ineffective and forgettable. There's little here but the emotion that you pen down, and in my opinion, emotion alone does not a poem make.
I give it a 5.5.
2006-09-02 12:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gawk kind of stands out, it can be hell being a teen, but it can prepare you to be strong for when you are older.
Balance the poems, one of the saddest I ever read went "What do you see Nurses, what do you see, A crabbitt old woman when you look at me?" and you may have an idea of what I mean. Keep composing.
2006-09-02 09:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by pink oh bother 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT REALLY MATTERS THAT YOU ARE 15.IT MATTERS BECAUSE YU HAVE WRITTEN THIS POEM VERY WELL AT SUCH AN AGE.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.AND DO WRITE MORE POEMS.AND IF YU WRITE MORE DO MAIL ME AT ITSTUSHAR3@YAHOO.CO.IN.AS FOR THIS POEM IT COULD HAVE BEEN MORE BETTER.YU WENT TOWARDS THE SCIENTIFIC SIDE RATHER THAN EMOTIONAL .APINCH OF MORE EMOTIONS COULD HAVE MADE IT BETTER. THAT SAID YOU REALLY DESERVE 9 MARKS OUT OF 10 BUT I WILL GIVE YOU ONLY 7 SO THAT YOU WRITE BETTER POEM NEXT TIME.and if it matters i am 19 and still cannot think of such poems
2006-09-06 00:16:40 · answer #9 · answered by TUSHAR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear friend,
Given your age I would give you 8/10; mainly because some of the punctuation do not fit in properly (yes, surprisely poetry even has punctuation).
Secondly, though your theme is clear, how you get the atmosphere and mood needs some work; words are only words if they do not create a cloud of emotion.
I know it sounds harsh and you would not likely award me the BEST ANSWER, but I merely wish to help you... I am something of a poety myself, winning a few major prizes in my little state in Australia.
best wishes on your journey of poetry,
vhy~
2006-09-02 09:28:34 · answer #10 · answered by vhy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent poem very nice 10 of 10
2006-09-02 20:08:29 · answer #11 · answered by alim k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋