Gay by Choice, Influence, or Genes? See if you agree with me. Gays, Bis, Straights, and Haters answer!?

Question

A lot of people think that being gay is a choice but I don't agree with that at all. I think it's actually the dumbest explanation for people going gay or bi (sorry to people who believe in it). I myself think that it is influence from the environment you grow up in. Straight people end up straight because their parents are a straight and they end up seeing that as the real and natural way. Their parents can also be homophobic and tell their children that it's bad.

But then a young child could end up being exposed to things a lot of things like two men or two women kissing, maybe that could change them, or sexual abuse or pornography at a young age, there all all kinds of things.

I guess genes could be possible but I don't know. Maybe it could be both a combination of influence and genes that choose your sexuality at the same time.

All I know is that I'm a 14 year old (15 on this Dec. 25) bi guy, actually maybe more like just gay, and that's how I think it works.

I didn't have room to put this but religion is another big one, which would go under influence

What do you all think?

Answer 1

I'll say it's not by choice and all threw my life I've tried to be someone I'm not and at times in my life it's been so bad I can understand why some people would just give up. I say this to show how strongly I feel about this and I feel I was born the way I am but I keep an open mind just in case I'm wrong. I'm not sure we will ever really know, hell Doctor's can't help someone with a bad back and this is the year 2006 how can we expect a Doctor or scientist or someone else to give us the answers we seek most.

PS. You young but very well spoken, Keep an open mind and maybe in your life time you will have the answer to this question.

Answer 2

I don't think it's a choice. I think it's something in your heart. Not your physical heart, you're heart or soul. Some are forced into it, others see it as a part of them, at least that's how I see it. My family is Mexican and as far as I know I'm the only bi one in the entire line. I grew up in a very homophobic environment, not with all the God hates fags thing. It's just a very taboo subject. My parents were all ackward about Brokeback Mountain and the whole family's a tad touchy about the movie. I'm a Catholic and I have been told all those Anti-Gay things and all I do is dismiss them because they go against what I personally believe. I have always been the gay type it was no surprise to my friends when I told them, I haven't told my parents yet I want to wait for the opportune moment. Life is life, we all have many paths before us and this is where we decide how we move thru life. If you're gay, but in the closet I think it's a lot harder, I myself was in the closet and I got the same bullshit out men get. And now that I'm out I get the same crap as always, but I don't have that heavy weight on my shoulders or the stress of NO I CAN'T LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT! I think you should just accept who you are and not care for what society thinks. How do you see yourself and is this what makes you happy? These are the questions we must ask ourselves before coming out.

Answer 3

As a gay man I have to say genes. My family is a good example. Every second male child has been gay or bi on my father's side for the last 3 generations. You could say my uncle and great uncle were responsible for exposing me to the gay lifestyle, except i never met them until long after I knew I was gay. My parents were very STRAIGHT and I was never exposed to a homosexual until after my penis said- hey you like dudes, get used to it. And besides. There are gay animals. Sheep, dogs, penguins. Research it. You can't argue with nature- even if people say it's unnatural. And for those who claim it's a choice- try CHOOSING to be gay. You can't! It's not a choice. And for those who will say that men in prison CHOOSE to be gay, if you're fantasizing about a woman while engaging in intercourse with a man- you're not gay. Weird I know, it's true. When men masturbate, they are receiving sexual pleasure from- guess who- a MAN. Does this make them gay? No. Men in prison are using the bodies of other men as a replacement for their hands. If they have women on the brain, and turn to men in a state of deperation, that just makes them really desperately horny men. Ok that's all. Any questions let me know.

Answer 4

I think you are making too many assumptions. Most gay folks I know, and yes, I do know quite a few, were not exposed to anything like you describe. They simply came into puberty and realized they were gay, if they didn't know before that - and many did. They weren't abused, some had never met a gay person, they just simply are who they were born to be, sexually speaking. Remember that most gay people came from heterosexual parents and that they were raised by parents who just assumed they would be straight and they were treated as such by their parents and everyone around them. You are very young, and it's okay if you're gay, in fact you should always be who you are without feeling the need to question it. You'll need courage and a firm belief in who you are to get through life successfully. I wish you an abundance of courage; and a good education will serve you better than a thousand people's opinions.

Answer 5

It is not born. It does happen from an influence, and this most likely is not an influence by what they seen, but by what some one has done as a child and forgotten it. Can you remember when you became attracted to same gender. I did not either until I was 40. I also thought I was born gay. Now I realize many things can influence a child to become attracted to the same gender, and not even no what homosexuality means or never even seen it before. I want to give you three examples to think about.
A little girl with an undiagnosed gender nonconformity, allowed to dress and look like the opposite gender to some as a young child. It has nothing too do with homosexuality or forming crushes for this child. This child was taught that girls do not kiss girls,this girl was only 4 and had no formed attractions on girls or boys yet. One day while role playing as a little boy a little girl decided she wanted to kiss the little girl that looked like a little boy. Both knew they was little girls, and both knew girls did not kiss girls. Well since they was playing house they decided it was OK. The little girl that looked and acted and even wanted to be a little boy liked it when the girl kissed her. From that day the girl allowed herself to like girls because she thought she should be a boy. It was a choice made innocently and left untreated, sociologically grew as believing she was born gay.
Once there was a 4 year old boy that was molested by a teenager of same gender. The teen ager had the 4 year old perform acts on him and the 4 year old did not know this was wrong and made a friend. It excited him. The molestation was stopped, and never talked about. Left untreated the 4 year old boy made an Innocent choice to like the male organ and get excited at the view and acts performed. This same boy also liked females, as it was a normal choice he had made from his surroundings. This same boy that had no treatment physiologically grew up thinking he was sadly born gay and could not understand it because he forgot what happened when he was 4. He had many issues because he did not like being homosexual, and knew he was a heterosexual. Many problems from this forgotten incident he had long ago, and when he finally was told as an adult it took many years to help heal his trauma. But he chose not to be gay, but had some of those issues. It helped him because he was able to also form an attraction on opposite gender, hurt him because of unwanted feelings of attractions towards male genitals. This man if not homophobic most likely would have become bi sexual from an influence he had forgotten, and he did not have any gender nonconformity.
Last example. A small boy had formed attractions on females. He new nothing of homosexuals. He did not have a gender nonconformity. His sisters dressed him up as a girl when he was young, pre kindergarten age. He had forgotten this time period. As he grew he noticed he like wearing female clothes and got excited and felt happy when he done this. He did not know where it came from, he forgot. He did not think he was gay because he liked women and had no desire for same gender. His wife divorced him because he dressed as a women in private and thought that he was gay. he often question if he was and that could have caused him to decide to make a choice to try a relationship with the same gender. It almost did, but then the man remembered with some treatment about his child hood why he made some choices like he did, and he was not born that way.
Gender nonconformity is questioned if hormones play a role or if the child had learned behavior. It can be either.

Answer 6

There is some pretty convincing evidence that gender behavior is pre-programmed into the human brain. It isn't as though humans were the only mammals that step outside the male/female coupling paradigm. Have you ever seen dogs 'humping' each other? That can scarcely be learned behavior! Or something they have picked up from magazines or TV. Monkeys also indulge in what we would call gay and lesbian behavior.
So part of it has to be regarded as genetic. But there is a part that comes from influence, and that involves the curiosity factor. Some guys, and gals, experiment with same sex relationships simply because they wonder what that's all about. Some like it, some don't. And that reaction shapes their future behavior. Some are basically gay but want to appear straight, so they indulge in bisexual relationships, along with gay relationships, in hopes that one will be seen as their public persona and the other will remain hidden away as their private persona.
Frankly, I don't much care what anyone else wants to do. That's their business and I have too many other things to do with my life to worry about what other people are doing in their bedrooms. Or the backseat of their cars. Or wherever.
I have my preferences (which I won't define) and that keeps me and my partner happy.

Answer 7

I think that it is something that you are born with. If one identical twin is gay, the odds of the other being gay are 50%. That is far above the average of 3% to 5% (Who knows exactly) of the population. It seems to run in families. It is not about having a bad experience as a child. There are many gay people from happy families. You just have to accept yourself and move on.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I think sexuality is a little more fluid than some people would like, given to evolve with a person. As you experience more and come to look at things differently, you can change. By saying and having back-up that it's not a choice, it's more real/valid to some people.

I'm mostly attracted to guys, but occasionally a girl comes along and she catches my eye in some way. There are different levels of attraction. I connect with women more emotionally and men more physically, but even this varies per person. Some people might also be attracted to and/or have a fling with a person of their same gender and never have this happen again in their lives.

Answer 9

Most people who argue that sexual orientation is a choice double back on their own argument.

With ice cream, Rocky Road, or Strawberry Ripple are choices. You could argue that I have Rocky Road because it has chocolate and marshmallow and nuts and all kinds of good stuff in it.

But with sexual orientation, if you hate homosexuality and think it is an awful thing, what are the GOOD PARTS that you think drove me to choose to be gay? The fag-bashers who beat homosexuals senseless and leave them to die? The employers who fire people who are doing a good job, the minute they find out that an employee is gay? The landlord whose apartment becomes unavailable as soon as they find out that the prospective tenant has a same-sex partner? The emergency room or intensive care hospital unit that won't allow a sick or dying gay person's same-sex partner inside, because they are not legally related? The family of the deceased gay partner who tells the surviving partner to get lost, as they claim the house and personal effects of the lover he or she lived with and loved for 20 years? Maybe its the (not very) Reverend Fred Phelps and his parishoners of the Westboro Baptist Church who show up all over the place with signs declaring that God hates f*gs. Which of these things is it that made me choose to be gay?

Answer 10

Well this is the way I see it. People are different. Some are born gay. Some choose to be gay based on their wants and needs, and some are influence into homosexuality by life events. Needless to say that just accepting the fact you are gay regardless the reason you think you still have that same right to live and be happy just like everyone else in this world the same. You should not have to worry about your sexual preference ignition, rather drive your life in the right direction, and not try and pinpoint the reasons you are gay.