live in Oklahoma. Been married for almost 5 months. Caught husband cheating last night and kicked him out of the house. I owned the house before we were married. He has put in jail for public intox. and has had a drinking problem the whole time we have been together. We have never even slept in the same bed b/c of his snoring and sleep apnea, but we got along good and i thought that we had a good marriage that just needed to be worked on like most out there! but i kicked him out and today he said that he got an apartment already (don't know he was being honest about that or not). Do i wait to let him file for divorce first? What rights do i have? What should be my next steps? Is there any such thing as working through it? Any advice from people who have gone through something like this would be appreciated.
2006-09-02 08:31:48 · 13 answers · asked by deanna.sunflower 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your first mistake was marrying a man who drinks a lot. That is never a good sign. And it always seems to lead to other problems in the marriage. Either like yours and it is cheating, or abuse, or little to no money.
But it is not my place or anyone else's to tell you what mistakes you made. I think you already know them.
You can never change someone who does not want to be changed.
You can never help someone who does not want to be helped.
As for the divorce, I believe that you may be able to get your marriage annulled if y'all have not consummated it yet.
Other then that, if you have slept together then YOU should go and file for the divorce first. Especially since you own a house.
Men and/or women tend to get nasty and vengeful when getting a divorce and he may try to get your home or at least equity in it. So your best bet is to file the divorce first.
As for trying to make it work. That is up to the two of you. You have to decide if it is even something that you want to try.
He has to admit that he has a problem and he has to go and get help for that problem. You can not do that for him.
Yall would also need counseling. This is not a problem that you can fix yourself. And chances are great that he would just do it again. Both cheat and start drinking.
I would hate to see you bring children into this world that would end up hurt by his continuing actions.
I wish you all the best and you need to look within yourself for the answers. Go with your GUT feelings not with what is in your heart.
2006-09-08 16:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Married 5 months- and cheating already? File. Why wait? A fool cheating during the first year, NEVER had any intention of honoring his vows. The the quicker you can end it, the better. Get a good lawyer, and DON'T be reasonable. He broke the marriage, so do all you can to hold onto any assets you have. Good luck. By the way, not all men behave like dogs chasing a female in heat. I've been married twice, for a total of 31 years, and NEVER cheated.
2006-09-02 08:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about in Oklahoma, but in New Jersey, if you have not put his name on the Deed, the home would likely be considered a pre-marital exclusion. Meaning that you have rights to it, especially since it was a short term marriage. You should see an attorney and see if you can preserve all of your financial rights even if you decide to reconcile with him, even though, by the sounds of his behavior, ie cheating and drinking, it would be wise to move on with your life. A tiger's stripes very rarely change. Good luck you have the whole world to explore that is full of people that deserve you.
2006-09-02 08:38:08 · answer #3 · answered by Serendipity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-06 04:04:09 · answer #4 · answered by kasemeier 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a lawyer and get a free consultation. Most give free consults. A lawyer will answer all your questions. But know that if you file for divorce, you pay for the divorce paperwork. If he files, you still have to pay your lawyer, but not for the actual submission of the papers, which here in NY adds about $800.
2006-09-02 08:36:55 · answer #5 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you file then you can set the terms of the divorce, and then he will have to go by what you say, although he can contest it. If he files then you have to go by his terms and you can contest if you don't agree. I think that the house might have became community property when you became married unless you had him sign something saying that he don't want part of it... good luck, and I would file first if I were you, although it got me nothing but out of a bad marriage with the clothes on my back.. good luck
2006-09-02 08:37:04 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce the SOB...don't walk....RUN...to the nearest divorce lawyer and file. You've got only 5 months invested to this alcoholic....You'll be in a better position if you'll be the plaintiff......in the divorce proceedings.
Think about it...his drinking is going to cost you tons of $$$$ ....cancelled car insurance.....numerous trips to jail...and he could eventually kill someone in a DUI/DWI......Do you really want to be associated with someone like this?
He's probably been cheating on your all along!!!
2006-09-08 02:48:17 · answer #7 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would file for divorce immediately! Immediately call all credit cards, etc. and close the accounts to new charges. Cheating and drinking problem - be grateful that it only took you 5 months to figure this out and move on...
2006-09-02 08:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact a lawyer and go ahead and file first. This sounds like a relationship that you should end immediately (before there are any children involved). If he cleans his life up (really cleans it up) you can always remarry him... but don't you think you deserve better? I know how difficult and heartbreaking this must be for you... but you see the writing on the wall. Trust your instincts and move on.
2006-09-02 08:34:50 · answer #9 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some info from the net on divorces in Okla first.Then find a lawyer who gives first consultations free or for a minimal fee and then take the steps you need to to.As for his drinking ,Id divorce him .It only gets worse.
2006-09-02 08:37:47 · answer #10 · answered by ladypet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋