Have you tried counseling and still nothing?

Question

We have tried everything. Now we are trying a separation. I just don't know what else to do. He is on drugs, and I have tried to be supportive(after all, it is a disease).

He is now crying about how he can and wants to change. Am I too mean by saying "you didn't cry when you put the joint up to your lips. You didn't cry when our last $100 for groceries went up in smoke. And you didn't cry like I did when I admitted we needed counseling. Now you are crying."?

I got a promotion at work, and soon after, my boss called me into the office and told me if there's anything I wanted to talk about to talk about it. He seen a decline in my personality and just wanted to give me some support groups that could help. Now that I have found a place, my personality changed, just knowing I am going to get out of this mess. I wanted to help him, I tried to help. Who else put 110% into their marriage and it still failed? In the end, I know I am a winner for getting through this.

Answer 1

You can move on knowing that you did everything you could. It is a disease, but HE still has to be willing to do the work. If you want to give him one last chance, I'd still separate, set ground rules, and see if he holds up his end. It's the best thing you can do for him, too. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they change. My mother-in-law stayed with a drug addict for 5 years, thinking she could "fix" him. He would stay clean for short periods of time, but he always fell off the wagon. He pawned everything they owned, destroyed her relationship with her family - still she stuck with him. You are right to get yourself some support and move on.

Answer 2

You are not too mean, you are being truthful. Addicts will lie, cheat, steal, and beat up their own grandmothers for their next fix. You love him, he loves drugs. This is not a marriage. Believe me, honey, he needs you because you are the paycheck and addiction costs a lot of money. So he will tell you everything you want to hear as long as you keep bringing home that paycheck for him to smoke.
Sadly, very few addicts kick the habit even with help. Sadder still, many who do quit often retain the behaviors (irresponsibility, etc) that go with the drug. Kick this boy to the curb with the trash and get on with your life. YOU did not fail. He is a FAILURE. There is a difference.

Answer 3

Some times a separation can be healthy for the family. I would suggest you saparate, don't file divorce yet. Just take your time on that. It seens to me you love him very much. Yes, you are a winnerr alright.

Maybe if you separate for some time he will realize how much hi is loosing, and he'll go and find help with his drug addiction.

Answer 4

You are doing the best for yourself. No, you were not mean when you told him the truth. This is a common situation with addicts. Relapse is part of the disease, and if you need to walk away, just walk away. Do what YOU need to do for yourself. People have to bear the consequences of their actions.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Marriage is not a percentage. Sometimes 200 percent is needed. You can not let yourself be pulled down and destroyed. If you get to that point it is time for you to leave and take care of yourself.

You have tried as much as you can. It is time for you to be happy. He has to fix himself. Not you.

Answer 6

You have done all you can do now it is time for him to step up on the plate and get straight.Im proud of you i know how difficult it is to go through all that you have encountered.You deserve better.

Answer 7

I think the party is over. This is just not going anywhere for you. I suggest maybe you should part ways. He can do his dope and you can look for a guy who does not do that crap.

Answer 8

been there done that, just keep doing ur best & it all will work out that way 4 u.

Answer 9

You already know the answer to this one.