I'm 19 years old and I'm almost 9 weeks pregnant. The guy who is the father was a guy I was "friends" with. He does not know I'm pregnant, and I have no idea how to tell him. I'm scared because it's my fault I'm pregnant, because he asked if I was on b/c and I told him I was, I hanging out with him for 2 strait days and totally forgot to take the pill. I found out a week ago from reliable sources that he is a pedophile (hes 22 and trys to get girls that are like 16), he admitted later that hes a felon, can't hold a job, drinks alot, and is a liar. I'm scared that if I take him to court he might get partial custody (we live within 20 miles of eachother) and hes not a responsible person at all...and somethig might happen to the baby like he would leave it with one of his deadbeat "girlfriends" or guy friends. I don't even want child support..with his income I would only get like 100 bucks a month...I can manage. Can anyone relate? What should I do? thanks.
2006-09-02 07:23:45 · 23 answers · asked by lisa1980sky 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
If you don't want this guy in your or your child's life, then I think that's possible. Don't name him as the father on your baby's birth certificate (if you can, I don't know for sure since I've never had a baby) and don't go after him for child support. I think in that case, the only way he could get involved or anything with the kid would be if he were to initiate a paternity test. It sounds like maybe he wouldn't. If he's a felon, no job, etc., I'm sure even if worse came to worst and he wanted partial custody, that no sane judge in the world would award it to him.
Are you close to your parents? Go to them and seek their help. I'm sure they'll want to do all they can to protect their daughter and their grandchild. Good luck to you!
2006-09-02 07:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by I ♥ AUG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well ask yourself these questions:
1. Would you regret in the future years of your child's life not letting him/her know at least the name of his/her father?
2. Even though the baby's father is not responsible NOW, and you dont care about ' child support" from him NOW, that child support is for the child and will be needed for your child. The father could possibly get responsible either hearing about his child or just plain growing up. Child support is for 18 yrs of your childs life. Do you think the dad can change and work responsibly in the future 18 yrs somehow along the way?
3. If the father has been a felon and has a criminal history already, you shouldnt worry about him getting custody. Any court would see his record and if you are a fit responsible mother then dont even worry about that.
4. Talk to a lawyer, maybe have papers drawn up for him to sign off on any rights to your baby if you do tell him.
All in all, your baby is entitled to know who her daddy is no matter how or when she knows, but I think the dad has a right to know as well. Even if is $100 a month, that could be saved for college or diapers a week.
Talk to a lawyer---Good Luck and do what is right for "you and your baby". You know the father best---Good Luck!
2006-09-02 15:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by yeppers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that scared don't tell him. If you can live with out the child support do so. Too bad you didn't hear about his past before. But now you know. If he tries for custody or visits make sure you use his past and records against him.
I wouldn't tell him and if people ask tell them someone else is the father. A one night stand. If they get on your case, say you were feeling down, a nice looking guy made a pass and you thought what the heck I need the self confidence boost. You didn't get alot of personal details so you can't find him. They maybe you're stupid, but it is better than him knowing he has a kid to molest.
2006-09-02 14:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to plan parenthood and talk with someone with a real degree or training on this. 19 is still so young. But for now just stay calm find some good music. Take the advice and find out more information you have options. Now you are an adult so it's time to take the situation into your hands. 19 is sooo young. Have you even talked with your parents about it? Don't go through this alone. You need insight and support. Trust me having the child is very expensive not having also has consequences.
2006-09-02 14:35:18 · answer #4 · answered by Attacus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you file for child support go to the local DA's office, or whoever handles it in your area, and they will give you a form. There should be a section on there that asks if the baby's father is abusive, or if you're afraid of him. If you're afraid of him taking your baby, then honey check that box with a big ol "X".
He's not technically a pedophile unless he's luring children into sexual acts. In a lot of states 16 isn't considered a child because they can give consent, and the most he'd get would be statutory rape. Unless they're related to him and that becomes whole other ball park. (I just spent 2 months on Grand Jury, we learned a LOT about pedophiles and rape cases.)
In my state, I don't have to let my ex see his kid. (He doesn't make an effort to anyway.) If we have a court mandated visitation schedule, then I have to let him, but we don't. I just filed for child support at my local DA's office, and they took care of the rest. I didn't sue him, I didn't take him to court, I just filed. If he contested it, then we would have had to go to court. But a DNA test would have shot his argument out of the water, not to mention that my son is a carbon copy of his father. Everyone who sees Jake is like "oh man he looks JUST like his dad!!" No Duh! Sorry. I just hate dead beat dads.
If you don't want child support, go to the local DHS (Department of Human Services) and tell them that you're afraid of the baby's father and you don't know what he'll do if he finds out you're pregnant. They can help you immensely. If you can't find, or don't have one of those offices, go to your local women's resource center, they will be MORE than happy to help you. I hope some of this helps, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Good luck!! =)
2006-09-02 14:36:02 · answer #5 · answered by jenpeden 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow! Well you are smart about not telling him but if you live close to each ther consider he may see you around. Have you really thought about the responsibilites of having a child? Do you have family help? Consider all this so you can make a giid decision. being a single mom at such a young age is very difficult. Good luck to you.
2006-09-05 03:23:34 · answer #6 · answered by anjelahoy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, my first response to your question was not to let him get off scott free. But after reading the rest of the story.....I say welcome to my world (sort of). Teh difference being was that my sons father was on drugs, so we packed up and got the hell out of dodge as quick as possible when my son was 6 months. We managed on our own, and he is now a healthy well adjusted 27 yr old man with a wife and 2 beautiful kids of his own!
I can't tell you what to do, just wha I did because it was right for me at the time.
If you ever need a friend, or an ear to bend, or even a cheerleader, please email me! I'll listen!
2006-09-02 14:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by suequek 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has a right to know he is having a baby. Your baby has a right to know who is his father.
Maybe if you tell him and talk to him nicely, and tell him that you are not after his money etc, things would be different than what you think.
Next time please don't go out with such a people. Having sex with what ever comes around is totaly wrong. With this mistake you got the chance of having a good father away from your child. Don't do it any more.
2006-09-02 14:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by Natalia A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a VERY similar situation. DO NOT name him as the father on the birth certificate and DO NOT go after child support. My son's father now has custody of him and is not named the father on the birth certifiacte but I did go after support. Just keep it to yourself!!
2006-09-02 16:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He definetely should know, and even though he doens't make that much , he should definetely be taken to court for child support for even a little bit of money as it his his responsibility and his child. As to being the a father figure, it doesn't sound like he would be a good one at all!
2006-09-02 14:28:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋