My husband and I have an almost 4 year old daughter. We have been married for nearly 7 years and are headed for a divorce. We have tried counseling and I still feel that we need to seperate. Who has done this and how did you work it out? He wants me to leave the house and go somewhere to get myself straightened out.
What's the best way to handle a seperation? Who goes and who stays?
2006-09-02 07:18:05 · 9 answers · asked by LovingMichael 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clarify... I am not using this opportunity for a chance to be a whore. Thanks Tony.
I have no dependence or mental issue. I do not want to be married to this man anymore and we both hope that some time apart might change that. We have tried counseling but it was too late. Three years ago, I think we could have saved this marriage. But we lacked the knowledge and the awareness to stop things (his verbal and emotional abuse primarily) before they killed the love we had for each other.
He is a great dad, I'm a great mom and we have shared every aspect of parenting since her birth. The best thing for her, I think, it to have two happy parents.
He does not want this marriage to end... I feel that I have no other choice other than to accept this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
2006-09-02 10:16:10 · update #1
It's only reasonable for the spouse that is going to have your child with them to remain in the home. Divorce is tough on kids, so you two should make the divorce as least disruptive as possible for her. I'd advise you to file for divorce, and let the judge call the shots. You've tried counseling, and still want to divorce. So, do it. Delay solves nothing, you live in some limbo state, neither married nor single. Kids deserve stability, so this situation should be concluded as quickly as possible
2006-09-02 07:42:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with aggie. I don't think you should leave the house even if you have a dependence or mental health problem to work out.
Work the problem out first, and then decide later who is in the better position to take care of the child. If its he, then he is considered the primary custodial parent.
I did this awhile back, and my spouse voluntarily left. Later he came back...but we never reconciled. Its a whacked-up situation. I suggest you get a divorce attorney right away, and either go for mediation, or have your attorney advise you. Don't do anything right now that will cause you to regret. Good luck and stay strong.
2006-09-02 14:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who ever leaves the house is pretty much giving up their rights to the home according to most state laws. The only way to make sure either party goes back home is that there is a specific date of return written into the separation and that all aspects of the separation are follows during that time. Never give up your home unless you know for sure there is definitely a divorce down the road then the courts will divide .the property
2006-09-02 14:38:44 · answer #3 · answered by paco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have a child, the person that will have primary custody of the child should stay in order for her to have the least disruption to her life. Whe you say "straightened out" it sounds like you have some kind of problem, so it may be best for you to go where you can get help and let your husband (at least temporarily) stay in the house with your daughter. It also depends upon who can financially afford to pay for the house and utilities long-term.
2006-09-02 14:22:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through thr EXACT same thing right now. I am leaving, and he's staying. We have been married for 3 years and have no kids. Here is what we are doing:
Lay ground rules. Like no dating other people, call only between 6-8pm, no coming over unannounced, ect...
Don't bad mouth eachother to friends(or kids).
Tell families to stay out of it, this is you guy's problem, and of course his family is gonna agree with him, and your family is gonna agree with you. It will just be that much more akward when/if u guys get back together, u know they hate him and his family hates you.
Talk about bills. I opened up my own checking, however, we have joint cell phone bill and car insurance. We decided to keep both of them together for now, and we will both contribute.
Like I said, I am going through this right now. I don't know what is going to happen, but I am adding your question to my watch list. It is scary, but divorce is inevitable if we stay together. Good luck to you!
2006-09-02 14:28:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, both of you should only accept equal parenting, not shared parenting. Unless there is a real safety issue for your daughter, not one fabricated for custody advantages, your daughter needs both a mother and a father.
Only accept equal parenting.
2006-09-02 15:16:19 · answer #6 · answered by Ottawa Father 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband beat you up? doesn't he provide for the family? Is he a bad father to you children? If you have answers to those questions, then meditate on them.
If your husband has messed up as husband, but he is a good father, who are trying to save from him?
Are you sure you want do deprive your daughter from growing up next to her father?
Is it your daughter's fault you two don't get along?
Don't try to change your husband, see what changes you need to make.
2006-09-02 14:23:34 · answer #7 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're the one that is wanting the seperation....then you should leave. The seperation is time for you to be ALONE and reflect. It's not an excuse to go out and be a whore.
2006-09-02 14:26:42 · answer #8 · answered by Tony 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
do what's best for ur daughter
2006-09-02 14:31:46 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋