overlarge younger 22 yrold girl with stretch marks?and a kid not being bitchy . she was.
2006-09-02 05:29:53 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I had the answer to that I would write a book and be rich! There is no explanation whatsoever for why men do this. I know some men will answer here that you must have done something to deserve it etc. - but that isn;t usually the case. My first husband cheated on me after 20 years of marriage. We were still happily married - had just gone out of town for a romantic weekend -were still having great sex on a regular basis - wonderful house and child he adored - the total package and he still cheated. No one expected that one! My niece recently had this happen to her also. She is a size 6 - gorgeous- looks ten years younger than she is - has two wonderful kids he adores and he left her for a woman that makes "Ugly Betty " look pretty. The new squeeze has three illegitimate children - (two of them are 5 month old twins by one of his co-workers!) Who could explain that insanity? If it makes you feel better - it will never work out for them. My ex didn't marry his fling and my current husband's ex ( who cheated on him) didn't stay married to her fling for more than 3 months! Relationships started in dishonesty and deceit are doomed for failure. You WILL find someone else out there that will value your independence and intelligence. Believe me, your husband will look back at what he has done and regret what he has given up. He will be the one that will have to live with his mistake after you have moved on to a better life without him.
p.s. I have been happily re-married for the last 10 years to a wonderfully handsome man who is six years younger than me. He thinks I am "hotter than sliced bread"! Hang in there and it will happen for you too!.
2006-09-02 05:46:52 · answer #1 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm large and I have some stretch marks.
I'm also intelligent, well-educated, funny, pretty, confident, supportive and an all-around great partner. I'm very active and have some rather unique and interesting hobbies. And I'm hotter than a porn star in bed. I have a knack for making any man I am with feel like he is King of the Universe.
Because of the way I am and how I can make a man feel, I can and do have pretty much any man I want. Some take a bit more work than others, but I know how to work it.
While all my thinner and as some would say presumably hotter friends are out trying to either get or keep one man, I usually have my pick of two or three men when I am not in a committed relationship.
I would say that this woman recognized some need in your husband and was able to fill it for him. Obviously your "gym body" and car were not the primary things he was looking for in a relationship. You measure your self-worth by your clothing size ... he doesn't.
I'm sorry your husband cheated on you, but her looks are not the issue. She is obviously beautiful to him.
2006-09-02 05:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your independence and attributes probably caused him to feel inadequate or emasculated. Maybe he felt like more of a man with someone who was more needy and dependent. Maybe he has a savior complex and needs to be the hero. I noticed that you mentioned 'good looking' as listed first, and what you have and your body as other listed attributes. Maybe he thinks you are shallow and superficial. You sound overly critical of her and harshly judge her body type. He obviously sees that there is more to a woman than her body and looks. There are a number of possibilities, and if you want to save this marriage, you have to step down off your pedestal and look for where you contributed to this. Yes, you did contribute something. You must take responsibility for half. Maybe try to accept his perspective and perception (walk a mile in his shoes) and tell him what you see. Ask him to do the same. If not, I am sure there are many guys out there who want a trophy wife, so you won't have to look too far.....
2006-09-02 05:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for the pain your husband has caused you. This is a problem a very painfull experiance many women have to deal with. It is also a very complicated issue. It is difficult to determine what might be going on in your husband's mind, or what the exact situation is in your life and your marriage as we only have the information he left you for a younger woman, and not even a pretty one in your estimation. However, regarding the looks: there are people who look to the inside to find what is inside the package more than focus on the outer package which is only a thin layer and fleeting in time. While there are still many who focus on outside trappings, including financial independance and physical looks and physique, more and more are turning to what is inside.
I am not stating you lack anything at all. I am only answering your question regarding why he would leave for a less attractive woman. Now, why he would choose a much younger woman very well could be due to him feeling less than a man with a woman of equal age, and intellect. He very well could have a high level of low self esteem and going with a younger, less mature, less experianced woman allows him to feel superior to her, allows him to feel in charge of the relationship. This is a common practice of men who are afraid of the modern, successfull woman of today. In my experiance I have found many men are intemendated by their equals of the opposite sex. This is sad. Instead of looking to increase their self esteem they run from the situation and find a woman who is not an equal so they can feel superior.
I don't know your personalality or personal history within this marriage, so I can not make any assumptions, nor should I. Without long discussions of the chain of events, the interactions of the two of you while married, some understanding of both personalities, all I can offer is what I said above.
Many individuals just do not know how to be married or to have a long term relationship. I am not making any judgements about you or your husband, just pointing out facts within our society today. So many marriages fail due to lack of understanding of self and of how to be married. Our society also encourages individuals to be selfish. Selfishness has no place within a marriage. A marriage is a entity all its own, with a life of its own and a need for nurturing and growth. Without both partys willingness do what it takes to nurture and grow the relationship it will falter, fade, and then fail.
I am so sorry for your pain. This is such a huge issue within our society and it creates such horrific pain and suffering. I wish you well on your road to healing. I hope you can take something good from this and grow. If we strive to find something positive in the ashes it was not for vain. The pain is then the price for the good received. Good luck and I wish you well.
2006-09-02 05:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by Serenity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Ellie,
This is nothing to do with you sweety, he did it because he can, anyone can cheat if they want to and you know you have a gem when they don't.
Look at all the celebrities, also great looking women that got ditched for someone that wasn't always as good as they were, some men want variety, you will find your man wont be happy with her either, he will play around until one day he realises there isn't anything better out there, by then hopefully you will have moved on to someone that appreciates you for how wonderful you are and btw you sound like a great catch for any guy.
As for the fat thing ....I know wot your talking about, my cousin is really fat and throws herself at my husband and hes really into the attention, i have a good figure but the excitement of her throwing herself at him seems to turn him on, she has big boobs and shes so in his face he feels like hes something special , lol, shes younger than me and some men r big into younger women to them it says they r still able to pull young ones.
Sooooo my advice to you is say ur prayers he is gone and move on to something better.
2006-09-02 08:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by Sam k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Ellie, Sorry to hear of your rather unfortunate circumstances, it's not nice to get hurt...there's not much anyone can say to make you feel right about whats happened at the minute but what i will say is that you're obviously better off without this 2timimg **** & from what you have written about yourself above it's obvious that you're a really motivated person & you have a lot going for you anyway so it's not your loss it's his.
Take care & hope everything works out ok for you.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"
: )
2006-09-02 05:57:41 · answer #6 · answered by Irish... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His leaving was not about you-it was about him. He could have been insecure about how capable you were, successful, and attractive that he felt he didn't deserve you and feared maybe you'd leave him once you saw you could do better. This girl may have been needy and maybe he needed to be needed. Who knows? You didn't do anything wrong and you deserve someone who will honor his commitment made to you.
You may never know exactly why he left, but it sounds as if you are someone who many guys would go for and make a commitment and mean it. Maybe you'll thank him later in life for setting you free to meet the right guy for you.
I know you're angry right now and you should be. Hopefully though you'll be able to one day move on.
Good luck.
2006-09-02 05:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by Draga M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say, but maybe:
1. You should have been working out on him at home instead of at the gym?
2. He has lost his taste?
3. He has a success phobia?
4. Mid-life crisis?
5. She swallows?
6. She has a really hot mom, or sister?
7. He decided he likes large ladies?
8. None of the above, or all?
2006-09-02 05:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by Frosty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes the grass just looks greener on the other side. I think some people in marriage cheat because they dont have to deal with the stress of money and family issues with someone outside the marriage. There not really looking at the big picture untill they get in the same type of relationship with the new person. It's kind of like a kid with a new toy.
2006-09-02 05:34:57 · answer #9 · answered by Sasha 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
People are always changing so he changed and wanted something different or someone different. My sister in law had this happen to her. She could not believe the girl friend was so much heavier than her. The problem is not with you. The problem is with him. Don't let it effect your self image, Just move on with your life realizing that it had nothing to do with you. He is probably insecure and needed a younger woman to build up his ego. He isn't happy and he is looking for something to fill up the hole in his soul.
2006-09-02 05:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by ruthie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋