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I recently intercepted a txt msg to my hubbys phone from another woman. It said this: "I worry about you and I like you and I hope we get to spend next weekend together." Then i examined my cell phone bill and called my cell carrier and this is what I found out. Between his # and her #, a total of 475 text msgs were exchanged and he called her 30 times, sometimes 3-5 times a day, and all this within a 30 day billing cylce. My gut tells me he's guilty as sin. But one problem, he denies everything, ofcourse, and I spoke with her and she also denies everythng. He realizes it looks very bad and the evidence is overwhelmingly stacked against him, but he swears that it is not what it looks like. All my female friends say he's a pig and to get out now. And deep down, I know that. Its just that I want to beleive him. (i'm running out of room, please wait for additional details)

2006-09-02 05:18:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

My question is this: Can a man carry on a platonic relationship like this and never want anything from the other woman? Is it possible he is telling the truth? I want to believe him, I just dont want to be the fool, which I think I am, I'm not that stupid. But if and a very big if, if he is telling the truth and I leave him, then I walked out on my marriage for nothng. I know these are only choices I can make but a little male perspective would be helpful. Thanks and please only serious answers.

2006-09-02 05:21:21 · update #1

28 answers

It is possible for a man and woman to carry on a relationship that is innocent of wrong doings. It is also very risky that when things go behind a spouse's back that things will not stay innocent. Find out what they are talking about. Find out how often they have been together. It may be that your husband has not yet crossed the line though he may be thinking of it, or perhaps the other woman is hoping for it.
You really need to confront him in a manner that says that you love him. He also needs to know that you will not be a doormat. Love does not mean be stupid.
He should cut off the relationship for awhile. If the relationship is begun at a later time, RULES of conduct including you in the relationship should be closely followed. Some counseling would not be a bad idea. Be careful though. My spouse and I went to two counselors. The first suggested divorce, which we clearly indicated we did not want. The second is actually helping us. You have to shop carefully, and buyer beware applies in the field of marriage counselors.

2006-09-02 05:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jack 7 · 1 0

You already know the answer and have a firm grasp on the fact he is lying and so is she. It is all over but the shouting and final decree. It is what it looks like so get out now before he has the chance to really screw your head around. You deserve so much better and he is not even able to face the truth like a man. Tell him to take his cell phone and his little text messages and move on. I am sorry and good luck to you. Nobody deserves this kind of pain.

2006-09-02 05:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by jodie 6 · 2 0

There is a lot of talk about platonic relationships. I don't know. I have had relationships with women and been close friends without ever having sexual relationship with them. Alot depends on how close emotionaly and physically you are. The closer you are the easier to cross the line. Trust is so important in a marriage that he should be willing to have you in on the freindship and avoid association with her alone. the more opportunity presents itself, the more likely it is that something will happen. That is the nature of man and woman. Talk to him and tell him that it cannot continue like this, he should repect that even if he doen't like it.

2006-09-02 05:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by BNLCy 2 · 2 0

While I am not a man I believe that I can share some good advise with you. I know someone who has been married 17 years and her husband cheated more than once. she stayed and today he is a model husband ( in her eyes) Marriage takes work and some men do lie and cheat. Decide if your marriage is worth weathering storms or if you want to have a easy ride. We all make mistakes and from the little that I have read your husband need other stimulation that he is not getting from you. (I am not placing blame just saying he wants something else not someone else.) Talk to your husband and really listen to him. Do more things together. She is not the problem your marriage is. Marriage takes work and if you want a marriage one that lasts dig in and be ready to work and work hard,make your own decisions. Just because your girls say he is a pig or he is no good remember you are the one who in in pain and dealing with this problem. At night when you are alone who is hurting you or your girls. You have to trust yourself. Do what is right for your heart and your marriage.

2006-09-02 05:36:15 · answer #4 · answered by OCTIVEUP 1 · 0 2

I am in the the situation, my ex talked, texted, and spent more time with another female, than he did with me. He said they never did anything, she said they didn't. I don't believe them. I would love to be with him, but he refused to stop talking to her, so we broke up. I don't think it is right. He should be spending that time on you, not someone else. Go with your gut and do what in the long termn will make you happy. If you stay- you will always wonder, if you leave you can be confident you are making the best decision for yourself. Maybe by leaving, he will realize what he is missing. I wish my ex would.

2006-09-02 06:29:33 · answer #5 · answered by J D 1 · 0 0

In my opinion, the man shouldn't be talking with another woman that amount of times.. what for? those 475 messages should be with YOU.. not another woman.. he's evidently cheating on you.. like he's going to admit it.. or the mistress.. she may be married too.. and what you came across on that message.. *i worry about you and hope to spend next weekend together*.. um, what does that tell you? he's guilty... in all aspects.. shame on him.. and shame on you for believing him... get out now while you can... find a decent man with some morals and respect... also someone who's going to be faithful to you...

2006-09-02 05:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by ROBERT N 2 · 2 0

you love him?
or you just want to...believe in him ?
your jealousy is a natural reaction you want to protect your marriage , go and do that , you might hate what he's possibly doing , you dont hate him hes still your husband ,and
most of the cases of "emotional adventures " men never ask for divorce because thats not the intention , in any marriage that type of things can be expected to happen in these days . . .go rescue him ,get his senses back to him , stop drinking poison .
Both you , stop whats hurting , youd stop talking to someone to save the marriage . . .would he?
talk to him . . .save the marriage , even when it seems possesive and naive and all that after some months he will say
thank you honey . . .I dont know what I was doing . . .
but yes . . .you have a yellow light ,he has his eyes in somebody else . . . dont loose his heart .And only let go if he really ,really loves other person .... you need love to let him go too .

2006-09-02 05:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by curious 1 · 0 1

My first gut answer is that you both should seek counseling from a minister or priest. If you want to spend money look fora marriage counselor somewhere else. You did not say how long you have been married,but give it a chance with some counseling.

2006-09-02 05:25:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

There is always a possibility he is telling the truth but in this case I feel this is unlikely.We always want to believe in the one we love but we have to face the facts and move on with our lives.I'm very sorry for what has happened to you.I wish you the best.

2006-09-02 07:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by hungerforknowledge 3 · 0 0

Aw come on, give the guy a chance to explain. He's probably totally innocent of any wrong-doing. She's just a friend!

NOT!

FFS, get an attorney, and get a new life started ASAP!

2006-09-02 05:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by Frosty 2 · 2 0

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