Honest question: Do you enclose money in your sympathy cards that express sorrow for a death?

Question

I was asked to donate in addition to signing the sympathy card for a colleague that had lost a family member. I did it but had never experienced this practice before. I have never received anything like this nor would I want to. How did this practice develop and what are the reasons for it.

I'm not criticizing it. I'm just very curious about it.

Thanks.

I mean in the card - not for a designated fund or charity.

Hey "Pare..." where does that hostility stem from. You want me to die for asking this question? Geeeez. The meanness is really bad on here.

Answer 1

It is not unusual for co-workers to take up collections. And no matter what anyone else thinks, receiving monetary help at a time like that is appreciated. For more reasons than you can imagine. If the family want to apply it to funeral, or donate it to a cause in the lost one's name, or against a portion of medical bills that will be left behind.... or any myriad of things that the help will be extraordinarily appreciated for.

In the old days, people would go to the person's house with groceries, clean the house, cook, watch the kids... the church would take a collection to help out the family. We don't look out for one another anymore. Most people don't even know who their neighbors are. We think nothing of donating to take care of people in other countries, who we don't know, but question the correctness of helping out someone we do? Shame on us!!!

Answer 2

It's a cultural thing. There are probably other examples of this worldwide but i'll give you the Philippine explanation...

Btw, this is more of a quaint custom and not really practiced much anymore (at least by people I know).

It's from having a community where collective survival is important. The money helps to pay for a funeral so the family won't be burdened. Think about it, first you lose someone and then you have to pay for it too? Remember, for many people here, the cost of a decent burial would be a substantial financial burden.

Giving money shows that you're part of the community and that someone's loss is also your loss. It's not meant to be an insult and people accept the token in the spirit it was given (even if they are rich). It's not unusual to see someone who's relatively poor give money to someone rich if a loved one passes away. I saw a housekeeper give her boss money when his kid died and they had a good cry...it works for us. Don't know what more I can add to that.

Answer 3

In my office, it is common practice to include a donation when signing a card (especially for times of sorrow, or hospitalization of a co-worker). Then the office administrator uses the money to purchase a gift to go with the card. The company does not allow use of common funds for such items, so it is a nice way to show that we all care.

Answer 4

Yes, I've heard of it and experienced it having buried two parents. I'll admit to being a little weirded by it at first. People often give small amounts of money or pay for masses to be said in honor of the deceased and sometimes in lieu of flowers. IF it makes you uncomfortable, don't contribute. You are under no obligation to do so. If you don't wish to receive such a thing when/if you are forced to bury a loved one, you can't very well tell people NOT to send money with their cards, but you could add a comment that "in lieu of flowers, please send contributions to xxx charity". Most people, I think, will do that over sending cash to you directly.

I have no idea how/where the tradition started though.

Answer 5

I'm not sure if this is a regional thing or what, but where I live, it is pretty common to give a small amount of money in lieu of flowers. It is acceptable to NOT do so also, but it is not looked down on if you do. Most of the time the family will use the money toward funeral expenses or create some kind of memorial to the deceased--a scholarship, giving to a cause that relates to the deceased's values, etc.

Answer 6

It is actualyy a very good and a practical thought after all a widow or the family basically cries for the person who was looking after all their need and needs to be satisfied need money . You could perhaps write a nice condolence card giving more importance to the deceaseds qualities and your friedship for him and a cheque can be enclosed and if they take offence you can always say that he had a desire to donate money for the needy and hence the cheque to satisfy the departed soul but i guess they will thank you from bottom of their hearts.

Answer 7

Donating money to a cancer fund, or somw other type of memorial fund is a NORMAL practice when someone dies. If the person had children, the sometimes, they want people to donate for schooling or other needs brought on my the death of the family member! This is a normal practice.

Answer 8

I've never heard of it either. The closest I've seen is "The family requests that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to American Cancer Association"

I'd have no problem donating, but whoever organized it needs to provide an envelope or something.

Answer 9

yes i enclosed money in sympathy cards. this gesture is to help the family of the deceased friend or relative bear with the cost of funeral expenses or it is a donation. donation is voluntary and never mandatory if you don't feel like giving don't give.

Answer 10

First...your giving sorrow for a colleague who lost a family member...what is the family member gonna do with the money...I think it is wrong to give money..i wouldnt even if someone asked me to and i wouldnt want that either