my girlfriend and I are planing to get married. we have had a great relationship in all aspects. we are both are very sexual, and have enjoyed a comitted, satisfying relationship in this respect. She is in The Netherlands now and having trouble with her visa to return to the States. We've been apart 2 months. She told me she needs sex and can not wait until she gets back to the States. She is trying to convince me its only physical it will mean nothing but she has the need to be intimate. I am against it. I know she is going out with some of her male friends there. Her explanation is that she is very social but if she is comfortable with someone she meets she is going to be intimate with them. She also said she will tell me about it in an effort to be honest. She also is constantly asking me to send her money to support her while she is there. Do I tell her to hit the road? Serious replys only- I dont need any jokes at this point.
2006-09-02 04:12:36 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well...you've already answered your own question, you don't need us for that. You are uncomfortable with her sleeping with someone else, and that's fine. I struggle with the idea that she is already sleeping with him/them. Marriage, at this point, seems out of the question. You desire her commitment and monogammy, and she cannot provide you with it. I guess, I have one question for you. Is the pain of wondering what she is doing and with whom she is doing it with (and even when she is home wondering similar things)less painful than breaking it off and finding what you need in a partner/spouse? Life is too short to waste on pain. If there isn't a logical means of correcting the pain in your current situation, it's time to move on. You deserve happiness. From the outside looking in, you are being used. Good luck!
2006-09-03 08:57:57 · answer #1 · answered by adtmatt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest I think that she has already been intimate with someone or someones and so what if she wants to tell you all about it to be honest. I would play her along and see what happens but put a halt on the money because the longer she is financially stable then the longer she will stay. I am having a hard time understanding why she is having visa problems when she didn't have an problems going there. I think she is having fun and isn't just ready to leave yet. Tell her go ahead and tell me of your exotic adventures and then just let her disappear like she should. You don't need to sit there waiting on here while she is in the Netherlands spreading her legs for her good (guy) friends. There are way to many women in the world no matter how gorgeous or good in bed she is that can please you and you don't have to put up with that crap. But if your into open relationships go ahead and let her proceed and you might as well tap into some action while your at it
2006-09-02 04:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already told her that you are not comfortable with an open relationship then that is it she shouldn't bring it up again. She should be commit ed to you and that is it and respect your feelings. Its seems that she is asking you to ease her conscious for something that she has already done. Sex is hardly ever some physical thing it has some type of emotional ties or at at least an attraction. It isn't right and I can tell that there are some major trust issues because of all of this. If there is doubt in your mind I would have to say to give it some serious thought to marrying her. No one wants to be made up as a fool.... maybe this is all for the better to find out now before you say I do so you won't make a mistake later down the road or at least having a better understanding of what kind of woman she is. She isn't respecting you or your relationship. Just consider all your options an include one of those options as letting her go.
2006-09-02 04:25:06 · answer #3 · answered by Laila 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer depends on how long you have known each other, how old you both are, and what you can live with. You said she is in the Netherlands now, but you don't say why. Was it suppose to be a short visit ? What makes me feel "suspicious" of her, is not only the "sexual aspect" of your question, but the fact that she is now asking you to send her money to support her while she is out there. That would make me very suspicious of her true intentions. Are you certain she is having problems with her VISA ?? Or you are just taking her at her word on that ? Personally, there are too many opened ended questions to be answered to give you a "100%" certain answer, .. but my gut feeling on this one .. is to drop her. Easy for me to say .. but that is my honest opinion. She may have found someone new over there already and is just wanting to use you now as a "sugar daddy" for extra money. I don't trust the situation. Good luck .. I do wish you the best with your decision .
2006-09-02 04:20:24 · answer #4 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two plan to marry. That means you are engaged. So, neither of you should be dating, OR sleeping with ANYBODY except each other. Now she tells you that she is seeing other guys, can't wait until she returns to you to have sex, and plans to sleep with some guy or guys over there. Sadly, I really believe that you aren't joking. So, what do you do? Number one- send her zero money. Number two- end the engagement. A woman silly enough to be telling her fiance that sleeping with others is just physical, is a wife that will cheat from the start. Unless you want to wait in line for access to your wife, I suggest you do tell her to hit the road. Marriage is TWO people, not the neighbors, the guys at work, or some stud she runs into in a bar.
2006-09-02 05:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she really loves you. In fact she is using you. Let her go and use someone else. Tell her that one of those guys she wants to sleep with can give her money because you aren't going to support someone who thinks that it is alright to sleep around even though you are about to get married. Imagine what she will do behind your back when you are married? I don't want to see you hurt in the future because of this woman so let her go. If she begs you not to break up, tell her that you need a woman that is serious about a relationship and that doesn't give you all that b.s about how she needs sex. She doesn't need sex, it's all in her head. If she loved you, then she would be willing to wait for you. And she should also be saying that you are all she needs. Love should always stand the test of time.
2006-09-02 05:12:41 · answer #6 · answered by curly98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sounds awful! I'm sure you are really into this girl and to tell you the truth I don't think she is being very fair to you. Wanting to be intimate with other guys, but wanting to be with you at the same time? Thats not a very good deal if you ask me. Yes you two might have a good sexual life when she is around, but if thats all you have then what good is the relationship? I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through that. Good luck and I hope you make the right choice, I think you know what you have to do.
2006-09-02 04:20:12 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this woman is saying that she can not do with out sex while yall are separated and she is being unfaithful..........then she is not the woman for you, and definitely not the woman for you to make your wife.
Just because your very sexual and need a lot of sex does not mean it is a ticket to cheat.
Buy her a damn vibrator and send it to her.
And then for her to have the audacity to ask you to send her money to spend is totally outrageous on her part.
Sounds like the woman is taking you for a ride, and not a very nice one at that. She wants that money in her pocket.
If you care for the woman then continue talking to her and whatever, see how far she takes things with other men ( what she will admit to any way)
But do NOT send her any money. She is capable of getting out there and working for a living to support herself.
If this woman loves you then she should be able to control her sexual urges until yall can be together again.
Otherwise she is just using you for sex, money, and somebody to be with while in the states.
2006-09-02 04:34:36 · answer #8 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would stop sending her money, first off. If she wants to be in the Netherlands dating other guys, she can fund it herself. (Even if she wasn't dating other guys, why should you have to pay for her globe-trotting?) I would definitely not marry this person, as I do believe marriage means monogamy. When it comes to an open relationship, she is being honest with you regarding that's what she wants. You need to decide if you think you can handle that or not. Personally, I don't think I ever could. Not only would I burn up with jealousy, but I would worry constantly about diseases.
2006-09-02 04:18:57 · answer #9 · answered by Kiki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If both of you are seriously committed, the "I need sex" card should only be played with you. God, man, go take a flight and do her until you both pass out. If it really is what she says, problem solved. Somehow, I'm doubting her sincerity though, having been in that same position myself.
Oh yeah, and quit sending her money, dummy! Unless you're married and mutually agree that you will support her for whatever reason, you're just being played for the sucker.
2006-09-02 04:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋