if you cant tolerate cheating, is there something wrong with you?

Question

ive been living w/ my (now) ex since 2002 when i got pregnant, anyway he seems odd, sometimes hes into it (the whole family thing) and sometimes hes not, i dont understand it. i sometimes see that he flirts with other girls on his fone but he tells me it was just nothing and he laughs about it, saying he was just playing around w/ her because he knew she likes him. isnt that weird?
im no stranger to cheating/playing, i used to play before but i was a kid, and thats because i couldnt take relationships seriously at an early age(17 -19) but now we have a baby i never even thought about another guy even though lots of girls tell me that there are so many guys out there ..
now i find that hes changed his password, and i saw his myspace account full of girls..:( i feel sad and even though hes broken up w/ me i still feel we should be together because of our baby. hes a good dad, hes just an awful boyfriend..i dont know if he'll ever change. he seems to have an excuse to everything(job,etc)

there are some people, even married couples who say that i shouldnt let those "little" things get in the way of our relationship..but its really hurting me. it always has hurt me..

what the hell
Level 2
yet another reason why people shouldn't have kids outside of planning it in their marriage.. its just sad.
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he wasnt like that before i got pregnant, our relationship was more profound and if he wasnt ready then he wouldve told me to get an abortion. we loved each other very much. its when i reached the 3rd trimester that he changed. i dont blame you for feeling like that, but at this point i cant regret having my child. you'd feel the same, if you have a child that you currently regret until the present you would resent this child and i dont wanna do that. im better than that.

plumouttamymind
Level 5
You had my sympathy until I got to the part where you would have used abortion to solve your relationship problems...good luck!
2 hours ago

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theres nothing in my post that says i wouldve commited abortion. i said clearly that if he didnt want the child, he wouldve told me to get an abortion. i nver said i would.

Answer 1

you guys were too young to have a relationship.Move on .

Answer 2

No there is nothing wrong with you, if you did tolerate it then you would have a self-esteem problem. Believe you me if he is taking time to change passwords and things then he has something serious to hide. A baby can not keep a man. "Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe." Meaning that a child will always be the responsibility of a mother, daddies have a choice. Like you said he was sometimes into the family thing. It is best to leave it along now and if you both were meant to be you will be. Plus as long as you tolerate the more he will do and the more you will hurt in the long run.

Answer 3

Cheating isn't the worst thing that can happen in a relationship, but it's a close second. The worst would be when one hires a hitman to kill their partner. The guy isn't ready for a marriage, or even serious dating. End your relationship with him NOW. Yes, you have a child together, but that should be the ONLY thing between you two. You should make sure he meets his monetary obligations conserning his child. You should find a person that respects YOU enough to be faithful to you, and that'll only happen when you get rid of that guy.

Answer 4

I comprehend your subject. you are able to desire to discus your emotions with your better half and are available to a decision no count if or no longer you like to paintings issues out. remember you married this guy or woman for a reason. attempt and remember those characteristics, show them on your better half, and attempt to construct from there. If the relationship between you 2 is unresolving then decrease your losses and circulate on. that's not honest to you or your better half if all and sundry has an affair. Honesty is the perfect coverage. have faith me there will be anger and resentment contained in the communique, yet your better half can no longer say you're a lier or cheat. you will nonetheless have your dignity and you will no longer experience badly for having feeling for somebody else. I do recommend which you're thoroughly useful contained in the stairs you're making, because of the fact as quickly as you're taking that step you are able to no longer go decrease back. as far because of the fact the affection on the different end, in case you the two have the affair you to won't in any respect actually believe one yet another.

Answer 5

Not putting up with cheating shows you have self-esteem! You have clearly matured and your boyfriend has not. You deserve a real man that honors you and feels no need to "play" and get pleasure from hurting you by being so open with it. Your boyfriend can still be a great father to your child - but he will never be a great husband for you. It is time you move on. There are lots of great men out there who have enough maturity and self-confidence to treat their mates with love and respect. Your boyfriend does not.

Answer 6

It's very difficult to do what you're trying to do--change the rules in the middle of the game. You need to be true to yourself and your standards whatever they may currently be. Living in torment does bad things to your health and is devestating to the child. It's no problem for ME if you live with your "cheating" guy and if you can live with it peaceable, hop right to it and continue with what you are doing. There is a reason society thinks two folks ought to be married before having children and you are discovering at least one of the reasons. Whatever you decide, don't live in torment and strife.
He'll probably not change. It is very difficult for a person to change their behavior without strong motivation and help.

Answer 7

Only you can decide what is acceptable to you. You deserve the love, faithfulness and respect of your partner if that is what you give to him. In your shoes I would start moving on with my life and making a good life for my child.

Being on your own isn't such a bad thing, take the time to find a man who adds to your life, not one that makes you feel like this.

Good Luck to you!!

Answer 8

first off you shouldnt be living with an ex there isnt enough space between you two to heal a broken heart he is with girls because he techincally isnt your boyfriend you dont really want someone to be with you because of a child do you let him go and continue being a good father and you figure what you want in your life and im sure it isnt someone who makes you feel bad all the time.

Answer 9

My dear cheating in any form is cheating...let him go his way......Just because he is not with you doesn't mean that he still cannot be a good parent. Don't allow him to come back just for the babies' sake. You can make it on your own with baby in toll.
Just make sure you get that child support....and don't confuse child support with him giving YOU money, that money is something the baby needs to help you take care of him, so that he (the baby) will not lack for anything.....God bless.

Answer 10

You need to let him go, or you go, it is not worth it. no one deserves to be cheated on, he is disrespectful. No matter where you go, he can still be a good dad. You deserve to be happy also, he is having his cake and eating it too. You would have a much happy home, if you was happy and content, and at peace with yourself. Don"t you want someone who will love you, and only you? Think of yourself, and your child. Be strong, things will work out for you.

Answer 11

You say he is no longer you boyfriend and if that is the chase what he does really is none of your business. Forget him because he does not seem ready to have the type of relationship you want. Move on and focus on raising your child.