My mother says she hates me but still wants to see my kids, what would you do?

Question

I've known all my life that my mother didn't like me basically because I was born but I never thought she would go to the extent to telling my 3 young kids that (all 3 under the age of 11). Now, I refuse to let my kids around her. This is a woman that has given birth to 5 children and only has 1 left that will even talk to her. She has no remorse whatsoever on throwing away her own 4 children. She tells me to get over it and to stay out of her life. Now she wants to take me to court for grandparents rights, how well do you think that would go over with the judge? Would it be stupid of me to let my kids around her knowing that there could be a chance that the same thing could happen to them? Your opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

How can any mother in her right mind tell her child she hates them ?my heart goes out to you hon ,she will pay someday when she really needs someone to take care of her .I would get as much on paper that you can and I would record her by phone ,have wittness ,she does not need to be with those babys ,if she hates you why does she even want them .I would fear a mother like that to be with my children .get as much proof as you can .I will pray for yah .let me know how it turns out .

Answer 2

Tough question. I am a grandparent and I can see both sides of the coin because 2 of my children are adopted (and have been rejected by their birth mother for the most part). Their birth grandmother loves them to death and I wouldn't for a moment deny them of their grandmother.

I guess I believe that kids needs grandparents (a lot). I know that this would be at best inconvenient for you and at worst an extremely trying experience, however, I probably would consider letting them visit with their grandparents as long as they were treated with love and fairly (and the agreement was made that you and your mother's relationship would NEVER be discussed with the children). This would provide the children with an additional support system in life (and that's always needed) and it might, just might begin a healing process between you and your mother (nothing wrong with that). It might not, but you never know. . .

Nevertheless, I would probably give it a try, but set rules on the front end about times and be clear that adult issues between you and your mom are never to be discussed around the kids while they are visiting. . . NEVER. If she agrees, let 'em visit on a probationary level and if the rules are adheered to, let them visit more often if that fits your family's schedule AND the kids want to go visit.

Answer 3

Well Tell her to take you to court, if you were to get all your brothers and sisters together and fight for the rights of you and your kids I don't think that she'll win and she will just end up losing out on money. I wouldn't bring my kids around that either. Your kids love you and don't need the advice or lack there of from some grouchy bitter woman calling herself a grandparent putting their mother down. Im sure knowing that your mother doesn't like you bothers you which is why you are the only child left talking to your mom, but hun listen try to let yourself get thru it. Like that cheesy saying says just because she gave birth to you doesnt make her a mother and be proud that you are a good mother to your kids. Don't put them thru that it will only hurt your kids too.

Answer 4

To seek Grandparents rights, is just another ploy on her part to "once again" make your life miserable. She is using the grandchildren as Pawns. She has no limit to the extreme she would go to hurt you. You have been dealt a bad hand in the game of life! I would not be at all surprised if she is just threatening you, but to actually carry out this threat she will be digging her on grave. The courts are not stupid people, they will check her out with a fine tooth comb. I don't think it would take them very long to realize this woman has some very disturbed mental issues. I can only imagine what you have been thru since you came into this world. "God love you!" You are apparently a very strong person. Have faith, lean on God, and get as much distances between your Mother and yourself, as you can.

Answer 5

Keep your kids away from her. In most states it is hard for grandparents to get visitions. They only get visitation if neglect or abuse are found.

I have a selfish totally narcissistic mother. First she can't afford the legal fees and she knows I would win. I have witnesses including doctors of the treatment I received during my teens and now she has favorites with my niece and nephew. She like to belittle the ones of the family that are normal... Example: my brother abused me when I was young and is a womanizer. He is her favorite.... I have another sister that gave her kids up when I was in my teens and freeloads off the government. She also put her up on a pedestal. I use to cut myself as a teen and was very depressed. I never got any attention from her....

Keep your kids away and love them the way you wanted to be loved..

take care.

Answer 6

Wow, you are in a tough situation. Hopefully if she takes you to court your siblings will go with you. Maybe her true colors would shine through in court & the judge would throw out her case.
If she is as awful as she sounds your kids probably don't want to be around her & even though they are under 11yo they should be allowed to speak up in court and tell the judge what they want.
You could let her have supervised visits with them, but only if the kids want to do it.
Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Let her go to court. In the meantime, if she wants you to cut off any contact with her, do it and ALSO move far enough away from her that she can't find you. Those kids are at an impressional age. If you have any history (like medications and such) of her mental instability, be sure to present that in case you have to go to court. But I think if you move, it will be "out of sight, out of mind". Stop trying to get her approval, because she will never give it to you. MOVE if you love those kids. Godloveya.

Answer 8

Well, you will have to prove that your children being around her will hurt them emotionally. You need to get your other siblings that don't talk to her involved. Try to remember and write down everything that had happened in the past, words and actions, as evidence. She sounds emotionally and mentally abusive and that can be great grounds for you. Have you been to therapy because of how she has treated you? If you have, use that as an example of how she won't be good for your children to be around.

Answer 9

I believe that if you and your mother cannot resolve the issue of her feelings for you, it would be unhealthy to have your children or yourself around her. Forget any judge, the children need to be exposed to better conditions, love, kindness and understanding. As a parent you are shaping the children's future, mom should not be a part of it unless their is a true change regarding you.

Answer 10

I think she sounds just as messed up and self centered as my mother. And I used to feel the same way you do, but I have since then realized taht even though my mom and I do not get along, it would not be fair of me to deprive my kids of their right to get to know their grandmother. As lond as my kids understand what is acceptable and right from wrong they should be able to distinguish what I expect from them in how they behave and if their grandmother tries to teach them differently then we will have to discuss the visitations further. Good luck with this.