My husband and I have been married for 3 yrs together for 8 years and for about the last year, we don't seem to share anything, he likes to hunt and fish, and I would much rather play with or 3 children ages 14(mine),12(his), & 4(ours).When we stay home he stays busy outside until dark and I watch TV with the kids. If we go out together we don't laugh or touch, we only talk with other people around us, and I always seem to end up wondering why we didn't just stay home. Our sex life is non existant, (like once or twice a year) and I am really not interested.I have tryed to talk with him but he doesn't see a problem, other then the sex. He wants it all the time but I am just board, I want to feel like he loves me for other reasons then sex alone and it's just not there.
I somehow feel like we have become room mates with kids. Is this normal? Or am I expecting too much?
If some one can help me to understand how to get out of this rut I would be forever greatful.
2006-09-02 02:13:31 · 13 answers · asked by kleffmanbrenda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its not that I am not interested in him, its that i don't feel like haveing sex at all. I don't feel sexy, I just feel like mom.
For example...We planed to take the kids to the fair for 2 days everything was fine, the day we are about to leave, he looks at me with this look of HATE and says why are you being such a b%$#*? Starting a fight...so I told him to take the kids to the fair and I went out with my girlfriends.
Anouther example... HIS friend was getting married about 3 hrs away, I thought perfect, get a hotel room, no kids real time to be adults. Make all the arangments, ask him if it all sound like fun and he agrees. The day we leave, he is so crabby we barly said a word for the entire 3 hrs and when we arrive, he says lets gets get somthing to eat and wait for the dance to start. Fine...at the dance, he talks to a few people while I sit alone (I don't know most of them) I asked him to dance with me but he was ready to go back to the room. I just don't know what else to do.
2006-09-02 03:27:59 · update #1
Oh wow, Oprah had this very topic on her show yesterday.
Your husband needs to realise that sex seems like a chore now. You both need to find the connection between each of you again. You can have sex but if the connection isn't there then the sex was useless. We has women need to feel love, we don't want to feel like a piece of meat for our husband to have whenever he is ready for sex. He needs to work on the intimacy side of it as well. Tell him start thinking about your pleasure has well, if he focus on you then in the end the reward would be all his.
Just find the connection first, that is the most important part of it, why did we get married (there was connection there)
2006-09-02 02:25:57 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not an uncommon problem in marriages.I have been married for 20 years,and we have some of the same problems.People change,and after a certain amount of time,it seems like they don't really know each other anymore.That's how we got,so I came up with a solution that has brought the spark back into my marriage,and has brought us closer again.Maybe it will help you also.This may sound stupid to some,but it has worked for us,so who's to say it won't work for you.It's a simple solution. Start over again.Pretend you just met and start dating again,get to know one another again.I admit,it is a little hard to get over the fact that you're already married,and have kids,but try to keep it in the back of your mind while once again finding the reasons you fell in love in the first place.Talk to your hubby about the idea of dating each other again,and finding what made you click in the beginning.It will be awkward in the beginning,but it is worth the time and effort.
2006-09-02 02:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would pray for things to get better and I would seriously seek marriage counseling but if he doesn't want to go, then I think you should go for yourself because you sound like a woman that is deeply in love with her husband and you want your marriage to work. It is very painful to look back and remember the good times just to be replaced with these depressing times and on top of that you have children together. In the meantime, I think that you should take the time to take care of yourself because it not only affects you when you're sad, it also affects the children. You should pamper yourself, do fun things with the children, take a break from the kids and have a girl's night out. You should have a heart to heart talk with your husband and find out what the problem is. I know sometimes people have a tendency to avoid asking questions because we fear the other person's response but be brave and ask because you have a right to know what is going on and you can know what to do about it. Also, I would ask him if he is seeing anyone else because sometimes that is the reason that a man may become distant from his family or is he stressed out in any way. The key is communication and no marriage can work without it. Take care and I hope everything works out for your family.
2006-09-02 02:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start dating again,each other that is.Make a night of the week and go out together just the 2 of you.The kids are old enough to help out here.Go out to dinner ,to a game,movie or whatever just start spending more time together alone.It will do your kids no harm and may save them the pain of another divorce in their life.Just remember you get out of your marriage what you put into it.I bet if he is interested all the time and you continually tell him no he will become suspicious or just go fishing elsewhere.Do you want a room mate or a friend and lover?Quit being lazy and fall in love again.
2006-09-02 02:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tom S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the entire marriage element is only an emblem now repeat that 10 situations an afternoon, till you realize that it is not magic that facilitates you cope, or make it by using complicated situations, actually it makes it extra solid because of the fact in case you think of like this now as quickly as your married you will no longer mean to yet subconsciously you stop attempting as complicated and what do you realize, its the start of the tip. then you definitely stay at the same time getting depressing, because of the fact your married, till your like 0.5 the international divorced why because of the fact which you stop attempting the ball and chain its a medifore for trapped so why try. specific some marriages artwork yet what below 0.5...are you nuts?
2016-11-06 06:50:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you feel is very common, but do something about it! You see people go thru things like this, and end up divorcing b/c they never made time or effort to find a resolution. Think about the things you guys used to do when you first met...movies, dinner, dancing, whatever. Go back to those times. Spend time together doing those things, and hopefully that will spark up a flame. Good luck.
2006-09-02 02:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're just in the typical marriage rut at the moment. You can shake the marriage blues by doing something really different - something (that will seem to him) spur of the moment and way out of character! lol
Leave the kids at home... go out get drunk and go bowling... or if you haven't been to a club in a long time, dress your ultimate best and go out clubbing. Go on a date with hubby! If he hasn't dressed up and looked 'hot' to you in a while, go buy him a few things - make him look like a studmuffin and re-kindle your lust for each other. Go out both of you looking your sexy best! You need to re-learn how to date and be in touch with each other.
2006-09-02 02:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your just in a rut,but what don't you like about sex with him? That's where you should start. Then what do the two of have in common? Find something you both can do like bowling,walks something.Just because your married doesn't mean it's over,it's just beginning,you have to keep working at it to make it last.It's like a fire,if you don't add something to burn,it will soon go out. Good luck.
2006-09-02 02:24:00 · answer #8 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax, the fact that he wants you all the time should tell you something. At one point in my marriage I wanted my wife all the time, she did not have any interest like you. But when we went out she wanted to act all loving and then turn me down for sex when we got home. I would try to make love to her just to here her excuse to turn me down. As men we are not as affectionate as we should be. Talk to him let him know exactly how you feel. If you keep turning him down you always risk the chance of him sleeping around.
2006-09-02 02:27:16 · answer #9 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm...
"How do you shake the marriage Blues?"
I started to answer with a joke answer like "divorce" and let that be it, and then I changed my mind.
I used to like to fish. My wife, daughter and I would go on the boat and we'd all have a good time.
Then it was just me and my daughter.
so I stoped fishing and we'd all go to the movies.
then that was just me and my daughter.
so then we'd all eat out, ( I was the cook at home)
then that was just me and my daughter.
so i went back to cooking and
then that was just me and my daughter.
my wife liked volleyball so we all went to her practice and games
while she played I'd play with the children...
(I thought most of this group were people I din't want to be around anyway, the kid games were more fun.)
soon she didn't want me to go..
my daughter wanted to stay with me...
then that was just me and my daughter.
I'd given up everything I'd like (except my daughter) while attempting to make it work.
Oh, I got custody of my daughter in divorce.
then that was just me and my daughter.
well now my daughter is 20 years old and on her own.
then that was just me
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.
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"...(like once or twice a year) and I am really not interested."
then how can you expect better?
..."I want to feel like he loves me for other reasons then sex alone and it's just not there. "
If that is what YOU see... ...I'm not there.
"...He wants it all the time but I am just board..."
you know your feelings better than anyone, don't you?
.
.
from MY experience... ...either ONE of 'bonding pair' group can stop the bonding.
Doesn't have to be a good reason either, or they don't have to consult the other one, moreover they can do it on purpose or unconiously.
So do you want this 'stop the bonding' person to be you?
.
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"...Is this normal? Or am I expecting too much?"
I don't know what 'normal' is... ...appears, to me, to be frequent!
"...too much?"
You want to be with the kids...
he wants sex.
Now why did you say you would rather play with the kids?
.
.
2006-09-02 02:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋