We have only a couple of weeks to go until our baby arrives, my husband of three years has been so wonderful to me throughout our relationship, even more so when we were successful in conceiving after almost two years of trying, he has been the type of man every woman dreams of, caring, faithful, loving a best friend and so much more, I am so in love with him and have tried to be as wonderful to him as he is to me.
But recently over the past six weeks he has become distant and almost uncaring towards me when I ask him whats wrong, if it's something I have done he just brushes me off he just wont open up anymore we used to be able to talk about anything.
I don't know if it's me, work, the baby, his family. I have no clue and I am so terrified he will leave me and our baby.
Maybe I should give him some space but I just feel so vunerable at the moment its the time when I need him the most and he doesn't want to know, I know I am being selfish, what can I do?
2006-09-02 02:10:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No you are not being selfish, just keep in mind that your hormones are raging, and you are at a very emotional state. He is probably just nervous over the daddy stuff. Hang in there...... the hormone level will get back to normal a few months after the baby is born.
2006-09-02 02:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by mixemup 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. It's not normal to behave as you described, and as his wife you have every reason to worry about his emotional health. I think a lot of guys freak out before their first child is born. They have a different set of societal pressures. Yours will be more the child's behavior and the way the house looks (even if you work), and his will be bringing in money to provide those things (even if you work).
That said, he might not be having the normal freak-out. I don't know. I'm guessing it's likely the above but there's no way to tell 100% for sure until he tells you.
Can you write him a letter? Tell him as his wife it's important to you to be part of his life (it's important for a healthy marriage too). If he responds with something very negative, don't worry too much. Better he open up than keep that distance between you! Or maybe you can talk to his best friend and ask if he has any insight.
If he's at all willing, I'd highly recommend the book Seven Principles that Make Marriage Work by John Gottman. Hands down the best book to fix a broken marriage or keep a good marriage healthy!
2006-09-02 10:17:10 · answer #2 · answered by MorningG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is as caring and loving as you say he is talk to him and tell him your fears hes probably just a lil nervous and scared about when the baby comes he just doesnt know what to expect and your not being selfish you just need the person you love to be there with you and for you at this time so talk to him and tell him what your feeling and ask him how he feels maybe he will open up tell him its ok yall are both nervous Im sure once the baby comes everything will be fine Good luck and congrats on your baby arrival
2006-09-02 09:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you had a good marriage before, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
Some questions, though. How much have you involved him in preparation for the birth? Did you take childbirth classes together? He might just be feeling a bit left out. He also might actually be worried that your love for him will be replaced by your love for the baby.
Another thing that hasn't been mentioned is that your husband might be a bit afraid of being intimate with you and not really know whether it's okay to touch you.
You both need to sit down and get this talked out. You have to communicate.
If you are really concerned, I strongly encourage you to visit www.family.org. They have a ton of resources. You can even give them a call and they'll talk to you about this.
2006-09-02 09:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by PB 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry you're going through this at such an emotionally fragile time for you. Keep in mind that men go through a lot of emotions while your pregnant. Sometimes, they're good at hiding it..and they appear very supportive. Other times, they withdraw from the relationship because their own fears are consuming them. My husband has gone through the same things (I'm 41 weeks pregnant). I find myself constantly asking, "What's wrong?" which is terribly annoying to him, I'm sure. But, once he actually TOLD me what was going on, I started to understand. He's having fears about being a good father, about being able to support his new family, about the life-long commitment of being a father, etc. His fears are endless (just like mine). It's hard to remember that our husbands are just as terrified as we are. Plus, a lot of times, men feel really "left out" of the whole pregnancy experience because, frankly...they ARE. It's probably a really helpless, out-of-control feeling.
Try not to worry about him and try to give him some space (as you mentioned). I'm sure he will come around...mine did. Plus, once he holds the baby that HE helped create, he'll melt...and turn back into the man you fell in love with.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I wish you a healthy and speedy delivery.
P.S. You're not being selfish, either...you have every right to feel how you're feeling. Again, good luck.
2006-09-02 09:21:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is an extra sticky situation. There's no possible way for anyone to "figure" out what's wrong with him. It may be his nerves with the upcoming baby. Maybe he's just scared and since he is a male the only way for him to handle it is to be distant. But in reality there is no way to tell for sure unless he speaks up. I know personally it would be a HUGE fight (if we could even find the money to do so) to get my hubby to go to a therapist, but maybe you could talk him into it.. Just hope and pray it is truly a phase he is going thru, hopefully when it's time for the baby he will open his heart and arms for you and the baby. Good luck, i really hope everything works out. :)
2006-09-02 09:16:46 · answer #6 · answered by Katie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby had the same problem when i'm pregnant. He seems depress and seldom talk to me. We discuss and decide he should go see a doctor, We found out from the doctor that some guys actually have depression during his wife's pregnancy. Cos they are afraid that they are going to be a father soon, they are not sure if they can't handle it and lots more. Doctor gave him some medicine to help him sleep. The medicine don't really help but he was fine when baby is out. Maybe you can talk to him more, let him know that having a baby is a blessing not a burden.
2006-09-02 09:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by vesper_lee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember, your hormones are CRAZY right now. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Chances are he's nervous about the impending birth of your child. He has an awesome responsibility and he realizes it and is trying to come to terms with it. Its very common in fathers to be. Just relax. Your husband loves you and when the new baby gets here you guys are going to have the time of your life.
Just remember, after baby gets here. Work on your marriage too! Parenting is terribly demanding, but your marriage is what started your family and it should always be the backbone of your family. Good luck and God Bless!
2006-09-02 09:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by lolo 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i don't think he will leave you i think he might be a bit scared of being a father it a big responsibility give him space and he will be there for you when you have the baby some men just dont know what to do but when seeing their child born its the most wonderful thing in the world for them he probably just realises its not just too of you anymore it is scary but tell him how you feel your not being selfish
2006-09-02 10:20:55 · answer #9 · answered by paris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet I could put one hundred women in a rooma nd they will tell you that their husbands were "different" or "mean " when they were pregnant. It is weird how guys change. My husband and i were the "perfect" couple until I got pregnant it got worse after the baby. He did leave me for a Skinner. never had a baby type of girl. Not saying thsi will happen, but you never know what can happen. Just remember that you got this baby and I would just let oyur husband be and let him come to you. I begged and pleased with mine to tell me what was wrong and it just made us more distant....good luck
2006-09-02 09:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋