Pluto has just appointed me and a team of attorney’s as its spokesperson. I suspect Pluto will be highly compensated for it’s demotion due to its size and orbit, both of which are beyond Pluto’s control. Just because Pluto is slightly handicapped does not give others the right to discriminate. Now what exactly is the NAU prepared to compensate this victimized planet with, considering the defamation of character and discrimination which it has bestowed upon Pluto?
2006-09-02 01:19:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Science & Mathematics ➔ Astronomy & Space
The whole world is going mad over it. The Bible even predicted it. The entire solar system is in revolt. The remaining eight "planets", and we use that term loosely, have issued a joint press release stating in no uncertain terms, that "from now on, whoever launches a "planetary", and we use that term loosely, space probe, well, they can just forget about ever hearing from it again. This time you messed with the wrong guys! We stick together like family".
Several thousands of furious asteroids are now speeding towards Earth to file formal petitions to repeal the IAU resolution in the World Court and other venues.
The normally meek and mild mannered "planet", and we use that term loosely, Earth herself has flipped her poles upside down as a strong signal of her scathing disapproval of the demotion of the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Pluto, her former prom date and lover.
President George W. Bush has taken his brain to his family undertaker for its annual checkup after he received the shocking IAU report at the White House and nearly choked and gagged to within an inch of his life on a large German pretzel, a gift from the German government. Oh well, at least they tried. Fortunately, at least for him anyway, Satan, ruler of that other underworld, was visiting Washington this week and just happened to be there in the famous Oral Office of former president Bill Clinton, to save his life. Says Mr. Satan, in a FOX news interview, "I'm not about to let him die for quite a while. We all know where he's going to end up anyway, but he's still got more work to complete for me up here before I take him out, and besides I don't need the competition down there right now. Hell, his friends would rig the Helltown elections in five minutes and then I'd be out of a job. He has more friends down there than I have! It can wait."
The Congress of the United Sates of America has reconvened in an emergency marijuana and crack cocaine session in response to the IAU resolution, adding a whole new meaning to the phrase "high government officials". They too, are reeling in shock over the recent developments.
Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, is NOT amused! Although it's generally rather hard to tell. But that's normal for her. In fact she's so upset, according to the tabloids, that she personally invited the Pope himself to tea seeking the wise counsel of His Holiness to comfort her in this time of grievous international tribulation.
Many depressed astronomers have been driven to drink and are contemplating suicide over it. If only the other 95% of them had voted, maybe they could have helped avert this gross historic travesty of science. Oh, the shame of it.
Numerous professional astrologers and their followers are leaping from tall buildings and bridges to their deaths, throwing themselves in front of trains and shooting and hanging themselves all over the world in suicidal despair at the black shadow of uncertainty that now looms over their future horoscopes, especially those born under Scorpio.
Five Nobel Prize winners have blown themselves up as suicide bombers in as many major observatories, starting with one in the Czech Republic.
A secret underground resistance movement of militant geese, chickens and sheep with key government connections, is plotting a bloody coup against the IAU and the Czech government. If successful, they will capture, imprison and then summarily execute all collaborators and sell their remains to a human organ harvesting mill in China, run by the Black Market®.
Space aliens and UFOs have been boycotting and avoiding the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Earth like the plague ever since that infamous IAU resolution was passed down.
The Jehovah's Witnesses are once again predicting the end of the world. "We think this is finally it and we'll get lucky this time for sure. If this doesn't bring doomsday about, then nothing will.", they said in a FOX news press release.
Mars is apparently contemplating another invasion of Earth. This time they'll wear surgical masks to prevent breathing our germs so we won't likely win this time. Their heat rays are much more advanced these days. Their telescopes are watching us with jaundiced eyes just waiting for the attack order to be handed down from the Martian Supreme Intelligence Command Headquarters.
The entire population of Japan, including all pets, except snakes, has committed ritual suicide. One of the scientists who voted in favor of the IAU resolution was from Japan and the dishonour was just too great for his fellow countrymen to bear. It was all they could do to restore their national honour and save face. No more news has come out of that country since shortly after the IAU passed down its resolution. The smell of their decaying bodies has been reported as far away as Hawaii and even Pogo Pogo. It's just too horrible to contemplate.
This event has even brought that dastardly villain Fu Manchu out of seclusion, he has finally returned as promised long ago and quickly forged an evil alliance with Ming the Merciless, the now all-powerful ruthless dictator of the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Mongo, ever since the assassination of his arch enemy, Flash Gordon, as he left the 'Flying Pink Willy', the notorious Venusian bordello on the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Venus, then run by the no less notorious Madame, Miss Piggy, that wicked playlady of the night. She has since disappeared without a trace. Rumours are also flying that Mr. Merciless is offering to provide military support and free lunches and soda pop to the Martians, if in fact they do decide to invade the Earth again as the Mossad (Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations, in Israel) intelligence reports suggest based on an analysis of the Martian communications they intercepted and decoded.
Miss Luna, AKA the Moon, is madder than hell too. For this injustice, Miss Luna will soon show the world her other face, the dreaded 'dark side' of the moon, hidden to the world for 65 million years, ever since the very sight of its indescribable hideousness exterminated the dinosaurs from the face of the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Earth, instantly turning them into oil, the root of all evil, and all the prehistoric trees into coal. If you think Medusa had a face like a professional blind date, just wait until you get a glance at the dark side of Miss Luna. If you even survive a glance at her, you'll see where the term 'lunatic' came from as those nice young men from Bedlam, in their clean white coats, come and drag you away kicking and screaming into the dark, dark night, never to be seen or heard from again. Of those who look too long at her 'dark side', the lucky ones will only survive a few seconds. Their agony will be brief. And yes, NASA faked that blasted moon landing, she said so herself and she ought to know, since she was there and she has the missing NASA moon landing tapes to prove it. And you thought they merely misplaced them. Well now you know the truth! She is currently negotiating a deal with FOX news which will release the tapes in a 10-part series in a shocking expose of a scandal that will shake the foundations of the government. Expect to see a slew of resignations and sackings of key government and NASA officials in the weeks to follow. Karl Rove, you slippery weasel, your day has finally come. (hint, hint).
Albert Einstein has been detected, by sensitive orbiting satellite instruments, spinning in his grave so fast, it's beginning to upset the relativistic, gyroscopic, space-time orientation of the "planet", and we use that term loosely, Earth, posthumously proving yet another one of his brilliant theories. For some reason we can only speculate about, this whole thing is just tearing him apart.
The famous Haley's Comet is going into hiding and refusing to return until the former "planet", and we use that term loosely, Pluto is reinstated to his former status and glory among the so-called "planets", and we use that term loosely, with all back pay and benefits fully restored. Says Haley's Comet, "Eight Is Enough is OK for a stupid American TV show, but not a solar system. So don't hold your breath waiting for me to return, you wretched "planet", and I use that term loosely, of infidels. It'll be the coldest day in hell before you see me again.", according to his publicist, the former Comet Kohoutek, 1973 XII.
The day following the IAU resolution, the temperature quickly rose to 136 C (666 F) in Antarctica. So many Penguins have died on the beaches from the heat, that it smells like a ... well, you know what roast chicken smells like ... it's like that, except everywhere for thousands of miles. Whether or not this has to do with the IAU decision or global warming is still unclear. I could be just another one of those things, like Mother Nature having a bad hair day. There will be subsequent updates as FOX news continues its investigative report on the mysterious Antarctic heat wave.
Never in the history of the world, at least not since that torrid Flipper, Barbara Bush and Mister Ed love triangle, the sex scandal that rocked Hollywood, and Washington, D.C. years ago, made sensational international headlines for over two years and nearly toppled the US Government, has the world seen such turmoil.
Meanwhile, Pluto, who is independently extremely wealthy, is just sitting back, sipping a glass of his finest imported Greek wine, relaxing and waiting in his Hades vacation retreat for those astronomers who voted for his demotion to die off one by one, and boy are those guys ever gonna get it when they get there! Where else would those senile old farts end up after a stunt like that?
2006-09-02 10:58:43 · answer #1 · answered by Jay T 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I kinda agree with you, it's size should not matter. It's like telling a midgit that he's not human becuase he/she are not evan 4foot 1inch. The size shouldnt matter, what should matter is what it is made up of. And currently we are not able to go out there yet. The fact that its orbit crosses the keiper belt shouldnt matter either; planets cross other planets orbit all the time, so crossing something elses orbit does not void pluto as a planet
I say, until we master light speed and can actually go see with our own two eyes weather it's a planet or not, I will continue to call it a planet and will continue telling little buger pickers that pluto is the last planet in our solar system. NASA & NAU can flap their gums at 100mph all they want to; as for me I call it a planet!
2006-09-02 06:36:11 · answer #2 · answered by Maurice H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pluto is where Saddam hid his Weapons of Mass Destruction. There is no evidence of this, but can we take the chance? Since Pluto is, of course, full of plutonium, the next downgrading of its planetary status may be answered with a mushroom cloud.
Establishing democracy on Pluto will end its sectarian violence involving Plutonians who believe it is a planet, those who believe it is a runaway moon, and those who believe it is Mickey Mouse's dog. A stable, pro-Halliburton government will guarantee the free flow of plutonium at market prices.
The root cause of terrorism on Pluto is the oppression by astronomers, who have for decades treated this key regional power with contempt. One elitist geek, a Democrat, even called our proud, freedom-loving future ally "little more than a meteor." But prejudice against aliens shows a lack of compassion.
Osama bin Laden, who has been hiding on Pluto since 9/11, has played on the Plutonians' humiliation and resentment, but a little Shock&Awe will set Pluto on the right course, giving it a more astronomically correct orbit. Then President Bush can unilaterally declare that Pluto is a major planet and a strategic ally against the evildoers on Uranus.
2006-09-02 09:17:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
According to the written resolution, size is not a factor, whether the celestial body 'cleared' its neighborhood' is what matters and Pluto did not clear it neighborhood because part of its orbit goes into the Kuiper Belt and part of it goes with Neptune's orbit.
However, evryone knows Pluto's size did make the IAU somewhat biased against it. I mean if Pluto is larger than Jupiter, than i doubt they would dare dmeote it.
and yes in everything, size DOES matter.
2006-09-02 04:37:34 · answer #4 · answered by Man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The NAU plans to defend themselves: their defense shall be that Pluto was not sufficiently represented by the other bodies of our cosmos. My client issued a summons to Pluto to participate in several corporate sessions and it respectfully declined. My cllient has hard copies of each of the Three(3) summons it issued and proof of postage sent. We also have a copy of the only documented refusal of attendance Pluto issued. Albeit the other two are strictly hearsay they won't hold much weight in court in favor your client, counselor. We will file a grievance against Pluto for wrongful incrimination and slander but we see no need to take it further we have nothing to defend. But if Pluto wants to play dirty, we'll drag it through the mud. You don't mess with the NAU and get off easy...
P.S.: Thanks I like waking up to a laugh in the morning!
2006-09-02 02:28:44 · answer #5 · answered by Rick R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I think the new change is an adventure of
new classification of other objects in our universe . Also I feel for the teachers & observatories ( like mine) who have to do hours & hours of hard work to change the massive data of Pluto . Our system crashed twice trying to do this .
The reason why I am answering to this question is you might like these "Scientists Challenge Pluto Decision " headline & stories .
2006-09-02 07:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by spaceprt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would like to see how your lawsuit pans out with the NAU,and would hope in all sincerity that you win!However,not being versed in lawsuits,physics,space and planetary systems,could i join your special team,even if it is only to fetch the coffee and dough nuts?I also have a cat,which could be use full.
2006-09-02 01:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for speaking up for the Plutonians. It's alway good to see bigotry stopped in its tracks. The egotists are always picking on the little guy. Who'll be next, the Uranians?
2006-09-02 20:19:35 · answer #8 · answered by Its not me Its u 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A+
2006-09-02 01:50:25 · answer #9 · answered by lostintheclover 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go for it. Some of the answers make me wonder if sense of humour is appreciated around here. I think you would have a problem proving your standings in the case. Just in case you were serious.
2006-09-02 02:44:57 · answer #10 · answered by Pyramider 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK Jesse Jackson, time to get off the computer now!!
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2006-09-02 03:30:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋