Words and actions are failing me. She believe since the birth of our child 3 weeks ago I do not have time for her other kids.
2006-09-01 23:42:17 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I've probably become more authorative towards them. They have been through a lot, and they are persistently misbehaving. It is always the same things they do. Admittedly they have calmed down a lot over the last few months, I haven't really changed towards them. I've been more balanced in the way I get along with them. I've given them more cuddles than I used to and I don't shout as much either.
2006-09-01 23:54:34 · update #1
The advice about being dad to them from everyone, thank you. It's the way I have been with the kids from the first time I met them. I am confused about what she said to me that's all.
2006-09-01 23:57:05 · update #2
Perhaps your words and actions have changed somewhat since the birth of your baby - CONGRATULATIONS on this.
You just need to keep demonstrating, as you have been doing, that you still love and care for them.
Perhaps her hormones are a bit all over the place?
Good luck.
2006-09-01 23:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by Sally J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well do you? Be honest with yourself.
She's just given birth and is probably very hormonal and very vulnerable at the moment. She probably needs reassurance that if you are the natural father of this baby that you will treat all the kids equally. Remember love is something that is never rationed. As you find more people to love there is just more love to go around!
Words are fine if they are sincere but it's actions that count. yes you may not be their biological father but you can be a Dad to them. Take the older kids out to give her more sleep and time to bond with the new baby. Help them with homework, read stories to them. Change nappies and have fun with the new baby.
Be patient sometimes it's pretty hard being a dad! Good luck
Added later after reading your extra stuff.
New relationship, mom having another baby the kids are bound to play up! Kids need boundaries BUT you and your lady need to agree these together and both implement them. You cannot do the discipline on your own especially when they can always turn round and say "your're not my dad" . As a serial shouter myself I have found that the kids just tune me out and it doesn't work. So I have had a change of tack after watching some parenting programs. Setting clear expectations of them and lots of positive praise when they meet them seems to work a whole load better and makes for a much calmer atmosphere at home. More cuddles are always needed by everyone in the house!
You are doing a great job and it takes a real man to say "maybe I need to change something". They are all lucky to have your support and care
2006-09-01 23:52:08 · answer #2 · answered by Dancemomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is her personal family history? Was she a second/third child who was forgotten when another child was born? Maybe this is not about you but about old feelings that have surfaced now with the hormones. Maybe she feels you don't have time for HER and is projecting it towards the other kids. Or maybe she feels guilty that SHE doesn't have time for her other kids. All you can do is tell her that you love her and the kids, spend time with them and tell them you love them. Tell your wife that you love your family and that you would like to show her that it's true if she's not already getting the message. Ask her for ways that you can demonstrate to her that you still love them all. Giving birth is a very emotional experience. Talk to her about how she feels and be patient - this will pass but she may be irrational for a while.
2006-09-01 23:50:59 · answer #3 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's got some subconscious fears and ideas. Since you are not the father of the other kids, she is assuming/fearing that you won't be able to do it and is expressing that to you. It's good that she can express these to you because now so you know what to do. She wants you to love all the children the same as she does. Actions and interactions with the children over time will reassure her.
2006-09-02 01:38:57 · answer #4 · answered by Applecore782 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, had a baby three weeks ago, maybe her hormones are out of whack. Just be kind and loving to all the kids, and be patient with her. She is probably afraid that you feel differently about her other children and that it will hurt them. All you can do is continue to show your love, I'm sure in time she will see it.
2006-09-01 23:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just carry on being there for her and the kids. spend time with them without your partner, take them to the park or go feed the ducks if there that sort of age. just keep reassuring her and if need be have a talk with the health visitor in private just in case she has the first signs of post natal depression. i hope she hasn't because its an awful time to get through. good luck
2006-09-01 23:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three weeks is still pretty new. She's feeling insecure for some reason, but I don't think it's necessary related to you at all. I'd say be persistent in your words and actions. She'll believe you soon.
2006-09-01 23:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok..... the way to beat this woman, until she calms down, is to keep a parenting log, for the older kids, make sure you ask, her oppinion, for anything shes around for, then when shes not around.. just do the same thing........ that way, she just cant complain, use the same book for noting down time you spend with her kids... sh1t make a pie chart up, to show her how mucfh you do, and if she keeps going.... go to her mother, secretly, and have a good cry, and let her take care of her daughter...
2006-09-02 00:01:46 · answer #8 · answered by yeah well 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she isn't seeing you spend time with them - and that's what is reassuring. Try taking the kids out to a theme park, or perhaps take them all out for a movie - you know... bond with them. Perhaps that is all the mother needs to know - is that her children IS spending time with her partner.
2006-09-01 23:45:16 · answer #9 · answered by Sam, Vice President of the YAA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-30 06:37:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋