She said she gave it no thought when it happened and lied about it. then made a promise to never go near him again...24 hours later he gave her a ride home and i caught them. I did cheat on her when we first got together 15 years ago, we were living together at the time but not married i was wrong to do this. I caught her getting in his car, when i got there he was opening the door for her. Many times she said she was with a female friend but was dropped off 2 houses away by him. i did not know it was his car at the time. She went to the river and drank beer with him...i was home taking care of our 4 kids at the time. Am i wrong for feeling lied to and to think she never tohught it was a bad thing to do ?
2006-09-01 16:37:36 · 45 answers · asked by recon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are perfectly just in your suspicions. And what she did was totally wrong and uncalled for.
Any partner in a marriage has the right to expect and insist on TRUST, HONOR, TRUTH, COMMUNICATION AND COMPROMISE.
You and your spouse need to attend counseling and try to work things out. You need to find out why she feels the need to lie to you about her actions. Where the communication in your marriage broke down. Where the truth, honesty, trust, went.
If nothing else your children deserve for y'all to try counseling and try to get back on the right track.
And then if that doesn't work.........Then you do not deserve to be treated in the manner that you are.
And your children do not deserve to be in a family situation that destructive.
Do what you have to do from there.
2006-09-08 15:36:52 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mother of two who has been married for nearly 20 years now. I have been through a similar situation I believe. There was a point in my marriage that I was feeling quite depressed, unappreciated, alone, so many other feelings that are too hard to put into words and felt as though my husband didn't or wouldn't understand. At that time attention from men other than my husband made me feel attractive, wanted, alive, etc. Although I didn't have an affair I have to admit it sure came close. I would suggest having a serious heart to heart with your wife (try hard not to raise your voice or sound accusing...i know it will be very hard, but I also believe it is very important) Let your wife know how important she, the marriage and the children are to you. Ask what the problems are and how you can work on it together to make the marriage work. Mostly let her know how much you love her and how you'd feel without her in your life. Also suggest individual and marriage counseling....let her know you will do anything to make the marriage work as long as she is willing to do the same. It takes the both of you working on it together and communicating to make the marriage work. I wish you all the best.
2006-09-01 17:52:34 · answer #2 · answered by DD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't okay and no you aren't wrong for feeling lied to because you are. It sounds to me as if she is starting an affair with this guy and isn't especially concerned about your feelings, which is not good. What worries me also is that she is ignoring the responsibilities she has towards her children, and that is terrible. Kids shouldn't be brought into these things under any circumstances, but sometimes they are. This is equally unfair.
As warped as this may sound she may be doing this subconsciously as a way to get back at you for what occurred 15 years ago. It's crazy I know, but as a woman I can attest to the fact that women have very, very long memories and don't forget anything that was ever said or done to them. She may have forgiven you but never has forgotten. Did you guys go through counseling afterwards? If you didn't, this could be what is going on. Or, she just may feel disatisfied with her life and needs attention.
Try to set up a dialogue with her to begin the process of resolving this issue. If that doesn't work, try to go to counseling with her. She needs to be willing to do so, otherwise it is not going to work.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Betrayal and being lied to is awful - I have been there and it hurts terribly.
2006-09-09 03:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't respect you or the boundaries of your marriage and will only do it again as she saw nothing wrong with doing it the first time. She blatantly ignored your request not to see him again and broke her word not to without batting an eye. She'll sneak around and see him behind your back and learn more and better ways to hide her affairs from you. So what if you cheated on her before you were married...she knew that and had obviously forgiven you for it when she took those vows to love, honor, respect and keep herself only unto you!!!!! If you haven't cheated on her since you made those same vows, you owe her nothing for the mistake you made prior to marriage...don't let her use that to justify her actions. This affair she's having has been going on for a while and will not stop, if it ends with this guy- there will be another because she has already made it abundantly clear that she wants something different than what she has with you- and doesn't care whom she hurts to satisfy her wants...Don't be Cathy's Clown...Love your children and do right by them, but kick that lying w#ore to the curb.
2006-09-09 04:16:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't in the wrong. What your wife is doing is wrong in every way. If she lied to you about spending time with this man, she obviously KNEW that it was wrong. If he was just a friend and she didn't feel that it was wrong, she would have no reason to lie to you about it to begin with. She is liable to use the excuse that you cheated before too and all of that, which is true and you can admit that it was wrong...BUT it was before you two were married. If she couldn't forgive you then she shouldn't have married you. Hopefully if you can set down and talk to your wife about this issue you two can get to the bottom of things. If both of you are willing to try to mend the pieces and make the marriage last I would suggest seeking marriage counseling. I hope things work out for you!
2006-09-08 18:38:40 · answer #5 · answered by Meagan M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Am Messing Around With A 54 Year Old Married Man And I Am 20 Years Old. I Been Messing Around With Him Since Last September 2005. He Has A Son Who Is 20 And He Is My Friend And A Daughter Who Is 17 And His Daughter Caught Us Having Sex Once Before But She Did Not Say Nothing To Nobody Because She Has Autistic And She Has A Mind Of A 6 Year Old. This Married Man Wants To Leave His Wife And Married Me... But I Do Not Know If He Will Leave His Wife Of 21 Years! The Sex Is Good And He Always Said I Love You To Me All The Time And I Do Not Know What To Do. But I Love Him! We Never Use Protection But He Pulls Out And Ejaculate On My Stomach!
2006-09-07 01:37:05 · answer #6 · answered by ~Metalman Princess~ 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
When a married woman spends time with another man it will lead to the obvious. Been there. You have two choices; try counseling or bail. With four kids you have a decision to make. In my experience, once she does this it won't stop because every new man she meets will be a chance to escape her life as it is. Your cheating was wrong but I don't think that has anything to do with what is going on now. Keep your head on straight; good luck.
2006-09-01 17:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by charles j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm....well, let's look at the facts here...
You don't have any proof! Just because she was out drinking with him does not mean that she was cheating on you.
Women think that they can have men for friends! It is very possible that she is just seeking a male friend that she can shoot the breeze with...you just don't know for sure.
Here's what you should do...
** hire a private eye OR
** get a babysitter and a rental car and tail them. Find out what she is really doing.
There's no sense in airing any of your feelings or suspicions until you have PROOF. You like male companionship and you like having more than one male friend...well, so do women. You just never know...she may not be lying to you! You sound like a good father, so personally I think it's a highly unlikely that she would lie to you. I think it is possible that she is being sincere when she said that she did not think it was a bad thing to do. Remember, just drinking a beer or two doesn't make you a floozy or an irrational drunk. Maybe she just likes to hear this guy's points of view just like you like to listen to your best male friend's ideas.
2006-09-08 19:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by Saura 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
she is cheating on u. first off if "she gave it no thought when it happened" she wouldn't have lied to u about it. also it should have been a sign to u when she was being dropped off down the road. if her ride had been female she would have dropped her off at your door. my husband and i don't go drinking without the other cuz u never know what could happen. she could pass out and the guy rape her or she could "loosen up" while drunk and cheat. obviously she's attracted to him or she would ask u to go along. she is totally getting away with it because u are choosing to look the other way. wisen up. u are either going to have to step in and do something about it or let her do it. the choice is yours. lots of luck
2006-09-01 16:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey there is something going down between those 2 she's lied and lied again and wont stop confront the guy and ask him whats the deal with them she has broken the trust between you 2 if it was nothing she would of told the truth and had him drop her off in front of your house not 2 doors down and one of your nosy neighbors had to see her before and you know how they talk so your family is problem the talk of the block you need to figure out if its worth staying or not dont be a fool and have your heart broken
2006-09-01 16:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by teresa d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋