This is my second marriage and his, we talked about what we wanted and always said communication is everything. We have had a rough year but I thought everything was okay until he told me he wanted a divorce. He said he sitll loved me but just wasn't happy. I have two children who call him dad and they wanted him to adopted them and he wanted that too. I have no money, job, or a place to go. I supported him when he wasn't working for 3 months. Even after all the hurt, I still love him. Where do I go from here?
2006-09-01 16:03:00 · 8 answers · asked by shelldorrell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes time, but time in itself doesn't fix anything, its what you do with the time that counts. If you spend that time doing nothing but thinking about what was yesterday that is how you will spend your tomorrows. You have to grieve, but give yourself a limit, after that push yourself forward, no matter how much you don't want to, keep busy doing things that make you happy, at first it will serve no real purpose except distracting your brain, but eventually you will find joy in them again.
Take care of yourself physically, make great meals just for you, don't start eating junk just because its just you eating it, read some great books, listen to great music, DANCE (nobody can be sad when they dance) even if its home by yourself, shop, spend time with friends and family, volunteer in your community with people or dogs if you prefer. Do the things you gave up for your relationship. Soon you will find yourself understanding what went wrong and ready to try again. Good luck, be patient with yourself, and remember it will get better!
2006-09-01 16:06:27 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, if you are this down in the dumps, the only place to go is up. I know it's hard, you'll probably have to work a little harder, but you have those two faces staring up at you giving you that motivation. I'm also sure that he is not going to throw you out on the street with your children, especially if he loved them enough to consider adopting them. Sit him down, discuss if the problem is something that can be fixed with counseling or if he'd be willing to try. Tell him that you love him. Tell him that you want to put your heart and soul into making this work if he does as well. If it's a done deal, then as hard as that conversation is going to be, you are going to have to still talk about the living arrangements. Tell him your concerns about the children and not having a place to go, explain to him it's going to take you a few months to be able to move out, etc. He still loves you honey, he's just not in love with you. Maybe in that time frame when you are suppose to be moving out, things will turn around. Often when couples get a divorce, and get into another relationship, it's easier to walk away than it is for them to work on it. Which means it's a habit...and if that's the case...there's hope for this yet. I wish you the best of luck honey. And remember, no matter what the outcome, you are going to get through it. You did it once, and you'll do it again if you have to.
2006-09-01 23:28:29 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever talk to the first wife? There are always 2 sides to a story. Have you gained weight? Did she? A lot of times what attracted these dogs to you, will make them run to someone else if you gained weight. Men want what they want. Sometimes life can suck. You need to take control now, for your kids and yourself. Call an attorney asap, and talk with them. Find out for sure what is going on. Follow him from work in a different car get photos addresses. See who lives there at www.searchbug.com
Confirm with a private investigator if you need to.
2006-09-01 23:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by Credit Expert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a blow. I think you need to put everything in persepective and find a good cheap apartment and ask him to help if he would with a deposit after you acquire a job. Time to look into government programs to see what you can get once the __it hits the fan which it may. Best of luck...monetarily things are going to be tough...your heart may be damaged but its just time to move on. Remember your pride and dont beg him for something that isnt there.
2006-09-01 23:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your best bet it to try and get him out of your mind. it is one of the hardest things to do, but if you want to move on in the best direction for you and your children, you need to find a job, maybe two, find a good day care provider for you kids and a good school for them (one that might also instill some values and morals in between teaching subjects). after you are settled with the job and schedules with the kids, move into your own place and don't look back. you keep your children close to you, and use your friends and family for support and help. that's what they are there for.
this is not to say this man is bad. he just wasn't good for you though and you will not help yourself to tell yourself otherwise.
2006-09-01 23:13:19 · answer #5 · answered by tdnh2208 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One step at a time. Things like this don't sort themselves out for a while. First, don't leave before you get a job, It's not as if he can force you out yet, save enough and get a place. If he wants you out before, he can get you an apartment and pay for rent for 3 months. You have been through this before obviously, and things worked out after that...this will too!
2006-09-01 23:09:02 · answer #6 · answered by KIMBO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do whats best for you, that's whats best for the children, that person will all ways be in your heart and theirs nothing we can do about that. seek friendship and someone better will come along
2006-09-01 23:12:30 · answer #7 · answered by BRUCE H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
therapy, first and foremost for you and your kids... moving on is hard, but not Impossible
2006-09-01 23:06:01 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋