My best friend just found out that her husband (of 6 months) cheated on her, not once, but repeatedly with two different women, before they got married. Worse, he's out to sea and she has no contact until he gets home, so she can't even yell and scream at him or get explainations from him. Obviously she's heartbroken. She found out by the girl he cheated with emailing her and showing her IM conversations he had with the one woman about his affair with her, and about his affair with the other woman. Is there anything I can do to comfort her?
2006-09-01 15:42:06 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Listen... be there for her if you can... give her a place (and a person) she can run to for now, until she gets this all straightened out. When someone breaks that kind of trust, its easy to lay awake at night crying, and not having to be alone with your wonderings makes it a heck of a lot easier.
Take her out for a girls night if you can too.
After something like that, with no way to get closure until he's back, it is easy to hang in limbo, which is not the safest place to be for long periods of time during an emotional low - so if you can help her stay out of that dangerous "pity pot cycle" it would be to her benefit.
Of course, if she doesn't want you to - then you know you've done everything you can and the rest is up to her.
I think that's going to be the roughest part of the whole thing... that he's not around for her to get closure and move on, whatever moving on may mean.
Good luck!
2006-09-01 15:48:16 · answer #1 · answered by thoughtfulwind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell your friend, she deserves to know about the affairs. Talk to your husband and tell him that this is not a secret that should be kept from your best friend. He is probably worried about losing his friendship with the cheater, but is that the kind of friend that he wants to associate with? If your friend finds out that you knew about this and didn't tell her, she will be very hurt and you could lose her as a friend. As a result, she will lose a husband and a best friend and that is more stress than she needs. Think of her and her unborn baby. She needs a solid marriage to raise her baby. She needs to kick his *** out. He has cheated with 5 different women in just over a year! He doesn't act like he is married at all. Your friend should move on, without the loser husband. He will cheat again and again. It will be difficult for her and she will need the support of her friends and family. Good luck to you and especially your best friend.
2016-03-27 03:53:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See, this is why IM is bad. It allows women who wouldn't normally find out that they were stupid for marrying a drunken sailor realize they are. In the old days, she would have to wait until she caught him or until he sent a "Dear Jane" letter, THEN sell the house, sell his hotrod car, and move to Costa Rica with his money. This IM thing just doesn't give her enough time to get REALLY screwed and get mad enough for a good, solid revenge. Now, she'll probably just cry, get depressed, get counseling, spend a bunch of time worrying about it, THEN get divorced in some 'equitable' manner.
Tell her to file the papers if she can't trust him. Get it over with. There's always another sailor.
2006-09-01 15:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by auntiegrav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm taking it the two of them were together when he was with the other two?I hope this woman has deleted everything off the computer? What a stupid man...I mean, it's bad enough he did that...but so stupid as to leave it on the computer...*sigh*...just be there for her and listen when she needs to talk...don't bring it up..she will when she wants to...DONT bad mouth her husband...in the end, you'd lose a friend by doing that...
2006-09-01 15:49:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so awful. The marraige is already over but for the signing of the papers... Maybe help her channel her anger in the most possitive ways you can. Help her to move on and move out - or kick him out. Tell her to channel her hurt and anger to doing something possitive for herself - work, school, moving on in a possitive direction... That's what a best friend should do. Don't let her stew in her desires for revenge or something that could backfire and hurt her.
good luck to both of you.
2006-09-01 15:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been said before. I only answer to demonstrate the importance. Stay out of it. It is your friend's relationship with her husband. Be a good friend. Listen if she chooses to talk. Otherwise stay out of it and keep your mouth shut. Lastly, support her decisions without regard to whether or not you agree.
2006-09-01 16:03:17 · answer #6 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest she wait to find out the truth when her husband comes home. Emails and Im's can be altered. You have to wonder why these other girls want to destroy your friends marriage. Tell her to be loyal to him until she can ask him the truth.
2006-09-01 16:10:48 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen. Do not judge. Do not tell her to leave him. She may feel it's the right thing and feel embarrassed she still loves him. Just be a friend. Treat her to lunch or do nice things for her when you can. That is all a friend is for.
2006-09-01 15:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by Wildfire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL, THE KEY WORD HERE IS "BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED." LET BY-GONES...BE JUST THAT, BY-GONES. THAT IS HIS PAST AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR LIFE TOGETHER. IF YOUR FRIEND WANTS TO LET WHAT HER HUSBAND DID IN THE PAST RUIN THEIR MARRIAGE, THEN LET HER HAVE AT IT. BUT THEIR ARE TOO MANY WOMEN IN MUCH WORSE SITUATIONS THAN HER BECAUSE THEIR HUSBANDS HAVE CHEATED AND STILL ARE CHEATING... WHILE THEY'RE MARRIED, SO...YOU DO THE MATH! AND TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO GO AND GET SOME COUNSELING...QUICK!
2006-09-01 15:47:39 · answer #9 · answered by CHASE_ME 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get mad or get even......why did they get married if he was leaving in the first place. I have heard that some marriages fail after a guy is shipped away....because of all of the change???
2006-09-01 15:54:41 · answer #10 · answered by Miss C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋