9 years I tried every idea I could think of to break her pattern. I just couldn't continue witnessing the destruction, so...I left. Now I'm struggling with guilt and feeling as if I've abandoned a fellow human being that continues to hold my heart. Hurts...
2006-09-01 15:33:09 · 11 answers · asked by Brokenhearted & Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to focus on yourself and your happiness. If you continue to be the main support for everybody else.....you'll fall apart. You cant help anybody else intil your healthy yourself. Dont fell guilt for something that is obviously out of your control
2006-09-01 15:37:22 · answer #1 · answered by Miss C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
During all those times that you were together and she was in to crack, did you really try to know the real reasons why she gave in to that destrustive stuff? Did you just ask her to stop using it without really supporting her to break the habit by diverting her attention to other things? What she could have needed to free herself from using crack was a rehabilitation program but that is, if she would agree to submit herself to such scheme. It could have helped her a lot. And that should have been your target point then, and not the requests or the arguments about the negative impact of crack.
I'm not sure but I am inclined to believe that she had problems which she could not share with you and she just used crack as a temporary relief from her woes then. If you really loved her at that time, you should have not given up. The more that you should have been by her side so that at least she would get comfort from you.
But I don't say that you should feel guilty about what you did. You asked her to stop using it. You requested her to break her bad habit. You begged to discontinue her dependence on it. As you said, you tried every idea that you knew to break her pattern but all to no avail. You've done your part. If at all you break up with her, it was her fault for not wanting to save herself from destruction.
Now, the best thing that you can do is communicate with her if you can. If you still love her, tell her so. If she still loves you, court her again with the promise that you will stick to her through thick and thin but that she should fall for that habit again. Good luck.
2006-09-01 22:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Ruzzo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My sister has had a drug problem for the past 18 years, and is still going strong. I feel your pain. One of the hardest realizations I've ever come to is that I CAN'T HELP HER. If she won't go into rehab on her own, there is nothing I can do. I worry about the phone call, the police knocking on the door, the coroner coming to inform me that my sister has over-dosed. Once upon a time I tried very hard to be strong, and helpful to her, but the only thing it has done is hurt me. Loving a drug addict is so painful and so deeply sad. Try not to feel guilty. You can offer your love and prayers, but the rest is up to her.
2006-09-02 07:57:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. It's the hardest thing in the world to let someone you love go because you can't handle watching them destroy themself, but you also feel so guilty about letting go. I'm sure you feel like you were the last hope, that there is nobody else in her life that will be able to get through to her. She has to want to do it herself, you can't force her. All she's thinking about is getting more drugs and escaping her life, she doesn't realize how much she's hurt you, her friends, or her family. There is certainly still hope, but nobody can force her to do it. I've watched a TV show called "intervention" on the A&E network several times before, and that may be something you can look into.
As sad as you're feeling, and has guilty as you feel... it's clear to me that you tried very hard for 9 years. You can't blame yourself for her addiction. If things are meant to work out for you, they will. But you can't live your life waiting for someone else, and you can't continue to allow yourself to have these feelings hold you back. You are now free to make yourself better, and occupy your time making new friends in a drug-free environment. Good luck to you and your special someone.
2006-09-01 22:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by Rexy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may feel guilty about leaving but you can only do so much then you start to enable them. this is from some one who has been in those shoes. iam a recovering addict off of crack for 13 years then 2 years ago got introduced to meth thinking i was fine and it wasnt cocaine that i could handle it i fell into the same pit. not to bore you with me but honestly she will only quit when she is ready i have been clean for 13 months now and all that keeps me sober is the reality that i am a addict i wake up every day and ask for help to stay clean. dont feel guilty just be there when she hits bottom and asks for help
2006-09-01 22:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by angeleyes4you32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look if she dont want to change aint nothing you can do. I feel your pain everyone knows a crackhead trust me the only thing I can say is live your life find someone new to be with everyone cant be saved no matter how much you want to it just cant be done. 9 yrs is along time I'm sure you did more than some of her family did already let her go or you wont enjoy your life.
2006-09-01 22:42:17 · answer #6 · answered by young one1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You gave nine years to a failed cause...No one can change a person, unless the person wants to change themselves...You might of just been a crutch for her, an enableler...You were correct to leave, until she wants to help herself, there wont be any change, dont feel guilty, just get out
2006-09-01 22:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by zeakster01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
still broken hearted after 9 years?
u are insane
move on with ur life mr man
life is too preciuos to waste it on those who wont appreciate it
its not healthy for u
get over it
make new friends and try new adventures in ur life and u will be glad u did
tell u self its over she does not exist and move on
thinking about her everyday is insanity
2006-09-01 22:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by maku d 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
crack is so powerful and dangerious that only that person can do anything about helping themselfs. We you have no power to make them stop. I'm sorry for your pain, and I know it hurts.
2006-09-01 22:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude you need to let go she told you once and twice and maybe three times but dont be hard on yourself ok.LET GO!!!! she wants crack she can do what she wants she is a free woman thats okay if she dos that ok now that doesnt mean to go do that your self be who you are and let her be herself
2006-09-01 22:46:48 · answer #10 · answered by chilipeppa94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋