My husband and I have been seperated for over 2 mos now. I have tried to talk to him many of times to try to work things out. We are seperated because he made me mad and I walked out on him, now I want him back. I love my husband with all my heart, no matter what I try I can't stop loving him. I met a guy on the net that seems very nice. We have been talking over the net and he wants to go out for drinks and just to have fun. I asked him what he ment by fun. He said just to blow off some steam, no sex involved. I have done nothing but talk to him and don't intend to have sex with anyone but my husband. Would it be wrong for me to go out and just dance and have a few drinks, I don't intend to get drunk and get taken advantage of. Maby this way my husband would know that I am still capable of getting someone else if I wanted to. He may change his attitude. I would never do anything to ever hurt my husband. Infact I just found out that I can move back into our home and he cant stop me.
2006-09-01 15:00:41 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know that two months doesn't seem like long to be seperated, but it is very long when you love someone as much as I love my husband. I just spend so much time thinking about him and getting bad nerves and things over the worry of never getting him back. I just thought it may be ok to go out with this guy to loosen up a little and have a little fun for a change. I intend to move back with my husband if he wants me to or not. I just have to wait till I get another vehicle and get working again. I wouldn't live with anyone if I couldn't help with expenses. I don't care if it is my husband, I don't live off of anyone.
2006-09-01 15:06:00 · update #1
I realy don't want to go out with anyone but my husband. I will probably sit around and wish it was my husband I was with anyway. I just thought it would be nice to go out and have a little fun.
2006-09-01 15:20:11 · update #2
You guys are right, well most of u anyway. I knew in my heart that I didn't want to go out with anyone other than my husband. I have an apt with an attorney next week to have a letter sent to my husband saying that I am moving back and he can do nothing to stop me. I sent him an email and told him so. I cant go see him because he is about 75 miles from me and I don't have a car at the moment. And he doesn't have a phone that I could call him. This is why I am going to move back even if I have to force it. We can never work anything out this way. Oh and by the way, it wasn't childish to leave because I have been putting up with lots of stuff from him, not cheating or physical abuse, but mental abuse for years. I have just had time to think about things and have decided that I am going to pray a lot, and fight like I never fought before for my man. And I am not going out with anyone that isn't my husband. I realy think things can be worked out. If ya believe in prayer, say one for us.
2006-09-02 08:45:18 · update #3
Wait to go out until you are divorced. Wait.
2006-09-01 15:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well u gotta decide for yourself what it is u really want. Do you want to get back w/ your husband or do you want to forget about it and date other guys? If it's your husband u really want then why not just focus on trying to work on the relationship with him. If dating others is what u prefer then u go ahead but give your husband the decency of divorce first. Just be aware that there's a possibility that u will get attached to this "other" person and might take it a little further. Besides, if your husband finds out, it's not going to look good on you. Instead of giving him the impression u can still get whomever u want, it might just kill all your chances on working on your marriage. It seems apparent that u don't know what it is you're really after and you need to choose one way or another. Don't use this "new" friendship w/ this guy to get back at your husband because it's pretty childish and you're not being fair to either men so stop contradicting yourself.
2006-09-01 15:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going out with someone now that you are seperated is quit acceptable; especially if you're not engaging in sexual contact! However I would be very careful meeting someone off the internet. Not that you shouldn't meet someone on the internet just be careful after all you really don't know them.
You're right it might get your husbands attention.
But if you love your husband so much and are thinking about just moving back into the house then I wouldn't be thinking about dating anyone. You both should be putting forth some effort to communicate and get things sorted out.
Good Luck
2006-09-01 15:12:40 · answer #3 · answered by Tatorbug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he finds out u met some guy for drinks i'm pretty sure he will get really mad....even if it was TOTALY innocent. He won't know unless he was there to see it himself so he'll always have his suspicions. If you are seperated there is no reason why u cant meet someone though ... for a night out of fun... but my am having reservations about what the other guy u have been talking to is thinking. i bet u 100% he intends to have sex with you. what would u do then? Don't put urself in that position. sort it out with ur husband. if u intend to make the marriage work don't meet other men. if u decide to leave then it is a free world....
2006-09-01 15:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by Wibble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself this question, and it will answer your own. would you mind if he did the same thing with another woman? don't assume he would have sex b/c he is a man, just answer honestly. if it would bother you for him to dance with and have drinks with another woman he had been talking to on the net, then yes it is wrong. if it honestly wouldn't bother you, AND YOU KNOW IT WOULDN'T HURT HIM, no it isn't wrong. you said you don't want to hurt him, right? that is why you must be sure it won't hurt him before you know if it is right or wrong. i have alot of experience in this type of thing. i've been in a very enclosed marriage for almost 3 years now, and after my wife decided it was ok to go for "drinks" with a guy at work, just to talk...i will let you imagine the rest. just know that no matter what, if you see the guy more than once, it isn't just drinks. no matter what you tell yourself. i love my wife too, and i got another apartment, and am proud to say that i have remained faithful to her, though i have had many chances to the contrary. just know that every choice you make while separated, can have new meanings, other than what they might mean if you were together. it casts a different shadow on things...
2006-09-01 15:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kind of look at it from a "who took the high road" perspective.
Don't do something you think it wrong just because you think the other person is doing it.
And, come on, we're all adults here. You go out with this other guy, have a few drinks, do you really think that you could resist having sex no matter what? I'm not saying you would, but you also know that it's a possibility, so why put yourself in that position?
Take the high road.
2006-09-01 15:19:09 · answer #6 · answered by rod_j_clifton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being with another man, even for drinks and dancing, after separating so soon is not a good idea. You obviously still love your husband. Why not find other avenues? Why are you looking for men so quickly?
There's so much more to do. Don't limit yourself at this point. Have some fun with your friends, find a hobby that you really enjoy, enroll in a class that inspires you, and take some time out to pamper yourself.
2006-09-01 15:39:41 · answer #7 · answered by peggy_weddendorf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say would never do anything to hurt your husband and you found out you can go back home and he cant stop you.so go back.... will you be hurting him, or is going out to show hubby your capable of finding someone else more hurtful to change his attitude? think youre opening a whole new can of worms that could blow up in your face. i dont know why you were so mad as to leave but you are married and if you really want to prove you want him and no other then go back home and not out with others, and work it out from home.if things dont change then ask him if he wants a divorce. you can always leave again Dont go out for "fun and games"its not going to look to hubby that you are just doing that,and to do it so he will know you can have someone else if you wanted does not seem very mature or show your dedication to your marriage go home if hes the only man you want to be with.Dont be making excuses why not to.
2006-09-01 16:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by smilingbluelady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that if you need to go out, that it be dinner or lunch. This way you will not be in a real tempting situation, like a bar. You may not say you will drink, but it might change once you get there! I am seperated and I have a close male friend, we IM alot and do lunches. A male friend can be of great comfort in your life right now. It may help to see another perspective.
You do not need to be judged by others!!!
2006-09-01 16:38:30 · answer #9 · answered by jpet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And let the games begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats what ur doing, playing a game using this guy u met on the internet to make ur husband jealous and u just admitted to it..
U walked out on ur marriage, and now ur upset cause he wont take u back??????? sorry but i can see where he's coming from and he probably wants u to prove to him that u really want back in and to realize what u are giving up, the only thing ur going to do if u go out with this guy and if he finds out is, just piss him off more and distance himself further away from u, cause although U'd know its just platonic he wouldnt and u could tell him till ur blue in the face that it was and he'd never believe u.. so if thats ur tactic on getting ur husband back , im doubting it will work, it will just cause more damage then good, and even if u dont invision this meeting as cheating, it is.. to emotionally be dependent on another of the opposite sex is emotionally cheating.. Im sorry but i think ur going about this all wrong, and i think ur getting what u deserved, and thats him not wanting u back after u breached ur marriage vows and chose to leave instead of working it out..
He is a man, a human being with feelings, u cant just turn him on and off as if he was a faucet, u cant just decide when being married is convient for u and when its not.. and ur doing just that.. it wasnt convient for u when u left.. but yet now it is cause u want him back, and then ur going to turn it off again by breaching it even further by going out with another man.. pathetic, let him go.. he deserves to be happy not stuck in a relationship with a woman that has no clue what she wants nor how to keep a marriage together with out playing games...
2006-09-01 15:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This whole thing is a BAD idea!!!! Someone you only talked to in the net.....Use your brain! He gets you alone....Sex maybe the last thing he wants from you alright. Haven't you read/listen to the news? What you intend to do and what happens can be 2 different things. You will not change your husbands attitude. You need counseling to save your marriage.
2006-09-01 15:10:49 · answer #11 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋