What for you is the MAJOR REASON that some marriages and relationships just don't work?

Answer 1

I think it has to do with everyone's desire to find his/her mate. When we are in our 20s, we see our friends getting married, it is the thing to do. We can fall in love so easily when we are younger....the thrill of it all and we can mistake that feeling for true love. Not many people want to have children later in their life, so we marry and have children....all when we are young and havent experienced much of life. As the years go by we learn a lot more about ourselves...what makes us trully happy...things we didnt know when we were in our 20s....Experience is the only teacher. People have different values and mature at different rates each learning different things about themselves and sometimes when you have matured enough, you realise that your mate is not the person you thought he/she was. Realistically though, your mate is still the same person, its you who have changed. That is one reason.

Another reason is that your partner can love you so much pre-marriage, that he/she will say do anything to get you. Once the marriage certificate is signed it gives that person a lot more security, and people think "the better or for worse" means you can treat your spouse any way you want to, and they have to accept it because they signed that same contract. The Marriage Contract is the only legal contract that is for life, yet is the Contract I think is the one that needs to have a time limit put on it. There is a probation period you have to serve when you take up employment, so why isnt there a probation period when you get married? If after that probationary period you realise everything is good and is how you thought it would be, you could renew the contract for another 2 years....and so on. I think this would solve a lot of problems whereby one partner starts to take the other one for granted. If a partner knows that the Contract needs to be renewed every couple of years, then he/she would be on their toes a little bit more. I believe the biggest reason why marriages/relationships break up is because it is so easy to start taking your partner for granted.

I am sure there are hudreds of reasons why marriages and relationships dont work and they would all be individual person stories. Some people have psychiatric illnesses and the other person is fooled. You just have to look at the woman who thought her marriage was wonderful only to find out the husband has been abusing their daughter/son. Paedofiles do not go around with a sign on their head, you also cannot pick who is one and who isnt.

I think the bottom line is, we are all different, we are all individuals.....we can think similar things, but we can never be exactly the same....and thats where the misconception about marriage is. People think when they marry, both parties will see things in the same way. A successful marriage/relationship has to let go of these myths and start to understand and respect that people are different and if you see your mate as an individual in his/her own right instead as an extention of yourself, then I think a lot more relationships would work. That respect, however, should be there a long time before a person gets married. You also need to sit down with your prospective partner and discuss in minute detail what each's expectations of marriage are. Communication before you get married is imperative. But even then that doesnt guarantee a successful marriage because people grow apart. The reasons why marriages and relationships wont work can be as simple as growing apart or as complicated as marrying someone who has a personality problem....eg, a control freak, a paedofile, a rapist, etc, etc...the list is as long and varied and for everyone the reason is different.

Answer 2

I think the question should not be "what for you is the major reason." The question should be statistically what are the major reasons for marriage break ups. Statistically, understand that the divorce rate is just above 50% now. That means anyone getting married has a 50/50 change of making it. That's scary !

The top 3 reasons for divorce are:
1. Finances
2. Communication
3. Sex

Too many people spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning a marriage. During the dating process all couples should be educating themselves, as to how to create a successful marriage. There are a hosts of books out that really offer a great deal of help, insight, and should be studied together, as well as discussed.

Answer 3

Definitely lack of commitment. If you get married with the expectation that you must be happy and/or in love, you will wind up leaving ('I'm not happy' , 'I just don't love you any more'). If you get married with a strong commitment to uphold the marriage vows no matter what, you will not only stay married but probably wind up both happy and in love. This is because over the course of many, many years every marriage will go through some rough patches where the spouses feel unhappy or unloving. If the commitment to the marriage is there, they will endure through it and find a way to fix it. Then they will come through with an even stronger, closer, relationship. But, if during a rough patch the possibility of divorce is hanging over the couple's heads, there is little trust or security and the marriage is likely to dissolve. No one can be happy and loving all the time for 50+ years, which is why modern values and expectations about marriage have led to such a high divorce rate.

Answer 4

The cause of the marriage itself is the major reason that some marriages and relationships just don't work. You must have a good cause/reason to marry someone.

Answer 5

There's a great book out called "Blink" that has a specific research example in it about this. The researchers brought in married couples and asked them to discuss the most taboo and/or frustrating issue in their marriage. They would videotape each discussion in a soundproof room and then watch the tape later. The researchers found that after watching the tape for 30 minutes, they could determine with 96% accuracy if that couple would stay married over the next 10 years. It was HOW the couple was able to deal with and talk about conflict that made them successful. Couples who lacked communication skills and emotional intelligence were most likey to have a failing marriage.

Answer 6

The major reason........ The partners involved are not willing to do the tough work that is required.......it takes courage to say the things that need said, it takes maturity to be happy instead of right. A relationship is work, daily. It is 100% from both individuals. That is a learned thing.....over many years.....Many couples tend to live by the mission statement "it's all about me" and that just don't cut it in a marriage or relationship. Both partners must have consideration and respect for thier significant others. He takes care of her needs.........she takes care of his needs.

Answer 7

There isn't a major reason, it's always a combination of issues for marriages not working.

Answer 8

Some people get married and one of them thinks they are going to have kids and the other one doesn't want kids. So lack of communication before marriage and during the marriage.

Answer 9

People will tend to go in to relationships showing a false self. Meaning they show themselves in a manner that is to there mates liking not who they really are. This is the big one... Getting married to young not really knowing what direction you life is going in. Then the two of yall end up wanting diffrent things out of life. Imcompatablity, sexual diffrences..

Answer 10

Communication and lack of tolerance I believe are at the top of the list. When you lack tolerance, everything and anything will get on your nerves. Add in the fact that you can't express yourself properly with communication and you have a means to an end.