They have been married for >25 years, and for most of my life, they seem to be on and off again. The arguments are becoming extremely derogitory, unfair and might excalate to violence. Worst of all, I unfortunately see some of my father's traits in me, and it tears me apart!
2006-09-01 13:27:11 · 16 answers · asked by whattodo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To start with you cannot tell anyone they should get a divorce. That is a very personal decision between the people married and if it ends up that way it will be their decision. Why all of a sudden after 25 yrs. would you worry about violence??? All you can do if you are there when the arguments begin is tell them how it is making you feel. I know my in-laws were doing this and finally I said something and of course one of them didn't like it...BUT it did initiate my mother-in-law to seek therapy and then the both of them. They decided to remain together, but there have been some major changes made on both their part. The rest of the family spoke up and told them how it wasn't enjoyable being around them and that is why they didn't receive many visits. You have to realize that 25 yrs is a long time and their way of life has become routine and familiar. All you can do about the traits you have of your father's is to break the chain....it already sounds like you care, so it is up to you. I suggest you sit down with them together or apart and lay it on the line of how it makes you feel. They might be able to shed some light as to why or how they got where they're at.
2006-09-01 13:39:01 · answer #1 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that the best gift they could ever give you is an amicable relationship with each other, whether they stay together or not. Ask them if this is what all married couples are like, and if this is how you are supposed to show someone you love them. Maybe they will get a clue and tone it down. If not, tell them that you want a divorce from them if they can't at least be considerate of each other. Tell them to quit being so selfish and narcissistic.
2006-09-01 20:33:16 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow tough one,particularly since it is seen thru the eyes of a child,I am not so sure you should advise divorce, but you sure can tell both of them what you see, and what you think is happening to them and as well to you, Maybe see a councillor for them. I know a lot of people whom are so accustomend to come out fighting they do not know any other mode. And because they are always in fighting mode they do not notice how it is affecting the rest of the family. You sound as if you are old enough to look after your self , and that may be just what Will have to happen. As for seeing your fathers traits in yourself, take that information and use it to change yourself. for example if his anger and yours are similar, where he may lash out and hit things, use your anger to build, your self esteem, or your body, I know a few people who run their anger off, or hit a boxing bag, try to get your self where you feel safe even if they don't
2006-09-01 20:48:15 · answer #3 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it's not up to you. Your parents are the ones who need to decide what is best for them. By telling them they need to get a divorce is wrong. I know it hurts to see your parents fight and carry on the way they do. I hope for their sake things do not turn violent but again it's not up to you. If you actually see some of those traits in you that you see in your dad is the first step to changing. Knowing and seeing first hand what his temper can do, gives you the heads up to change and know that this is not normal behavior. Good luck to you and your family but my advice is stay out of their marriage.
2006-09-01 20:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are both grown adults, if they want out they will get out, but im thinking after 25 years of marriage, that they've probably gone through something similar to the funk they are in before and it worked itself out in the long run.. and u may of not known about it, cause if you were a child, they may of hid it from u.. and some people actually take their vows seriously and even if that means living miserably for the rest of their lives they will.. but all and all they are grown adults that can make their own decisions and u should stay out of it... But i heard someone once say " I'd rather fight with you, the lie in the arms of another" and although they are fighting and although it may seem accessive.. it doesnt necessarily mean that they dont love each other.. but its for them to choose, not for u to choose for them..
2006-09-01 20:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my advice is stay out of it. if you must talk with them separately and tell them how upset this all makes you. bite your tongue and don't offer any advice. my mother and father were just like them. they were married for over 45 years. separated and divorced at least once. they had that classic love, hate relationship that adults of their generation often share. even though i hated it when they fought i now know they truly loved each other "till death did them part". it wasn't the romantic love like you see in the movies but it was a long lived one. i began my adult life heading down the same path as my parents. i wasn't a good husband or father. after two failed marriages i met my present wife. she helped me realize that i didn't have to be like my father. we could disagree without being disagreeable. i could parent my children without yelling and hitting. all you have to do is to decide to let go of the anger that you probably don't even know you have locked up inside. get in touch with that inner self that is all the things you wanted your parents to be and share that with your loved ones.
2006-09-01 20:41:10 · answer #6 · answered by handyman5218 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have the courage to do it.. do it. My parents have been unhappily married since they were 17 (for 49 years now). They are both miserable. They are both wonderful people ... but not for each other. I wish you much luck.
2006-09-01 20:30:09 · answer #7 · answered by puresatin03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be your mom , tell your mom to see a doctor. she might be going through mid life and needs some medication.
2006-09-01 20:46:09 · answer #8 · answered by Grandpa Shark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. Its up to them totally to make this decision. I know it hurts but you have to butt out and let them do what they have to do.
2006-09-01 20:30:06 · answer #9 · answered by luckybluebunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats their decision. besides, how do you tell ur parents to get a divorce?
2006-09-01 20:48:49 · answer #10 · answered by Kel Kel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋