I have been the non custodial parent of my children for the past 8 years. They have gone from 5 though 9 to 13 through 17 since then, and I am consistanly attempting to prove that I love them, just as much as their mother. I can do nothing but prey that they will some day understand.
2006-09-01 13:00:06 · 4 answers · asked by evanzfamily 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
never try to buy their love or prove your love through gifts , just spend every chance you can with them and constantly tell them how much you love them.let them know how important they are to you.
2006-09-01 13:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by sindi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children will and do consistently emulate exactly what has been given them. One can not MAKE a child return an emotion such as love or any others to be precise. Perhaps your expectations are far greater than these children are able to respond to and they therefore feel stressed that they may be required to do so.
As you state, You are constantly trying to prove that you love them can be interpreted many different ways. Proving and Showing are two separate things. Indeed, it is possible that your particular methodology to proving that your love exist may not necessarily be in a manner or form that is felt prudent to their particular growth pattern or personal response levels. That is to say, that children, any children can not be forced to do or accept certain things under penalty of others expectations as to conduct and emotional responses.
A parent, any parent must accept the fact that there are instances where children will not or can not express what they would really like to say or feel because of conditioning blocks that have actually hindered them rather than allowed them individual growth in the areas desired. In many cases, within the American culture I have seen it expressed as "I am the parent and I own you". "I am the parent and I can and will condition you to my reasoning". This type of narrow-mindedness will only produce narrow-mindedness in the children as well as rebellious attitudes and such.
Self-identity is a prime growth standard within children and if something is wrong or amiss they are the first ones to know about it. If there is trauma involved then there are additional barriers to overcome. I would suggest that you look closely at what YOUR expectation is of how these children should be reacting to your attempts of proving love to them. It could very well be that you attempts have not created the correct bond with them where they feel free enough to express love in return. These children are already undoubtedly hard pressed for this natural bonding, but possibly can not feel that with your parenting method. No problem! There are countless parenting books out there with these exact conditions within them. Truth is the only reasoning that will help this barrier to be overcome and in tandem with acts and emotions of endorsement of you being there to guide and inspire them through acceptance situations.
Wishing you the best of luck in YOUR growth. Have a great day!
2006-09-01 14:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by dn_side_umop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's very true that you shouldn't try to buy their love. And also you shouldn't have to be constantly "proving" that you love them, otherwise it becomes a contest between you and their mother and your children won't benefit at all.
I don't know how often you're able to see them, but when you do see them just spend quality time with them by talking, getting to know what's going on
in their lives (without being too pushy) and just by being there with them. Teenage years can be tough but even at this age kids want their parents attention. Let them know that you're there to listen when they need you too, whether in person, by phone or even if it's by e-mail. Also kids this age may not always show how much they love their parents because they feel self-conscious, so don't expect them to say that they love you or to be too demonstrative.
Kids want their parents love and support and that's the best you can give them. Let them know how much you love them and they'll always remember that.
2006-09-01 13:54:25 · answer #3 · answered by mountaingirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up.
1) Don't compete to love someone "as much as" their mother. Just do your own lovin.
2) Don't prove your love. Give up thinking of love as a promise or a hidden thing. The actions you take out of love are the love. They prove themselves.
3) Get comfortable enough in your own skin that you are not always trying to prove something to someone else.
Life is intense and stressful enough.
2006-09-04 14:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by faqsphinx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋