like i said,i have been together with my husband for 15 yrs,not married that long,married 12,but in all of that time,i have never wanted another man,until lately.i love him dearly,and can't imagine growing old without him,but i long for all of the firsts again...you know,first look,first touch,first kiss. i never thought i would understand why someone would have an affair,but now i do,and it really bothers me.i'm not a bad person at all,and i don't want to hurt him.i just need some advice from anyone that has been through the same feelings.thanks for the answer.
2006-09-01 12:59:05 · 8 answers · asked by wondering wife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i'm not saying that i would have an affair behind his back,i just wonder if i should tell him how i feel,and seperate for awhile and see where it goes,go our seperate ways,and see how we both feel,because i believe he feels the same,just neither one of us has said anything yet
2006-09-01 13:17:27 · update #1
and also,i have no one man in mind,wouldn't matter about his financial status or anything like that,i guess we are just stuck in such a rut.i have tried explaining to him that i want to spice things up,but he acts like i am some dirty whore for wanting us to share each others fantasies.i told him one of mine,not anything disgusting,just a very average everyday fantasy and he has thrown it in my face ever since,so i feel like i can't just open up to him,without him judging me.maybe that's what i am looking for,to just be able to tell my innermost desires without the judgemental attitude.
2006-09-01 13:28:03 · update #2
If you think you love him. then maybe you do. I walked out on a marriage that was 17 years old because he annoyed the hell out of me, now everything that annoyed me then, means nothing now. I miss everything about him. Sit with him and reminisce on the past, how you met, what went through your mind, how he smelled, what feeling went through you. As long as he still respects and loves you...eveything will work out. Your husband wil make sacrifices that your lover wont. Your husband will put you first. Your lover will get an urgent call and runs...... been there done that!!!
2006-09-01 13:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by ann m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you really want is the excitement of those firsts. An affair wont help bring those feelings back but will bring you regrets. Those firsts represent a time in your life when it was simpler, fewer problems and a care-free life. We all would like to return to that point in time but unfortunately Mother Nature doesnt allow us to do so. This is why we have memories and thats where those feelings belong. You should be mature enough to know you can never go back and know better then to hide in an affair. Its not having what you want but wanting what you got. Have you ever thought maybe your husband feels the same way? Maybe its really time to use your imagination and restart the fire in your marriage before trying to destroying it! Think about it and good luck
2006-09-01 20:20:03 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all go through it. Happens after being married for awhile and i wouldnt try and tell hubby about it, some married people dont get it. Repress the feelings for awhile and if you somehow meet someone that youre really attracted to and end up in an affair never....NEVER tell anything to your spouse and take it to your grave. This really is why people have affairs. Life isnt perfect nor is marriage...never will be. Deal with it as best as you and your conscience can and do what you need. If its a kiss, a touch, butterflies whatever youre missing then youve got 2 choices as you know...do what you can handle and never admit a thing except to yourself.
2006-09-01 23:38:08 · answer #3 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been married for 12yrs I know what you are going through, but those first is not going to happen again, that's why they call it the first. You are going through a rut you are doing the same thing everyday 7days week 365days out of year, This can easily lead you astray. So if you are in a rut try something different for Change go to a diff rent restaurant, or a baseball game, or picnic at the park, my husband and I try to do one of these things once a month and that has made a big difference.
2006-09-01 23:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you talking about i have been there but all you have to is sit back and think how much your husband means to you and how far you've come and put two and two together and it should be your husband i have been with my husband for 11 years we have only been married for 3 years and he is the only man i have ever been with and when we are upset at each other or going though somethings i wounder if we should be together but i always stop and think of will it be worth it and its not because i love him to much to let something like this to split us up and that is what you should do 15 years is a long time and i know you put a lot of time into it don't let it all go because when you you get out there and think you found someone it wont be what you already had at home so talk to him work it out love is beautiful thing
2006-09-01 21:24:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wanted and did cheat on my wife.
She did the same to me before that.
Now we are divorced, my child is being raised by another man, and after 15 years of pain and suffering I have finally learned to be happy and love again.
Does that sound like fun to you?
Keep the firsts in your private fantasies and keep your panties for your husband only.
2006-09-01 20:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are missing something u are missing in your marriage. You need to find that something or get a divorse because cheating does not belong in the vows
2006-09-01 20:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the firsts come and go. It's like eating a chocolate bar (if you like chocoloate) a temporary rush! But your h usband of 15 years will likely be the one who, if you were to get sick - God forbid.. be the one to change your diaper (sadly). Is a quick fling worth it?
2006-09-01 20:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by puresatin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋