My ex husband told me i was selfish..?

Question

In our relationship thats why it didn't work out. He left me because he said he wanted to do things he did when he was younger and when he got married he felt like he couldnt do those things anymore, and we have a 4 year old son. Who do you think is being selfish here??

Answer 1

This is called self justification and it means no matter how good or how bad you were during your marriage the easy way out is to blame it on you. Don't worry he is the idiot.

Answer 2

well actually, since he is an "ex", what does it really matter what he thinks. u r ur own person & if that was the reason that he wanted 2 leave then u r the one that has benefited from the situation at hand. unfortunately, this happens a lot, but i dont think u got pregnant by urself, so this is a hard lesson 2 learn. he may grow up one day & live 2 regret what he has done. with a child u will never truly b able 2 sever the ties u have with him. one bit of advice i would like 2 give u if u dont mind, is that no matter how upset u r with ur ex, that u never say what a horrible person, or scum bag or anything derogatory about him in front of ur son. he may ask ques, bout him, but when he does just very nicely tell him that sometimes gorwnups fall out of love 4 whatever reason. he does not need 2 know the details til he is much older, but he will respect u when he does find out the truth & realize that u never said anything bad about him. sorry bout the length, hope it helps

Answer 3

There is always 3 or more sides to a story.
Your side, his side, and the truth. If yall are the only people involved.
Where as your husband does sound selfish for ditching his responsibilities to his family, there has to be more to this story then your telling.

Your husband can be a good father without being married to you, just as you can be a good mother without being married to him. So it really depends on what the rest of the story is before I could say that HE is the selfish one in the relationship.

Answer 4

Did he ever tell you that you were selfish during your marriage? Sounds like he didn't give you much of a chance to change if indeed you were really selfish. He should have tried to work things out for you and your son. It sounds like he was just looking for a way out and didn't want to bother coming up with a real reason for leaving you. When you get married there are some things you just can't do anymore. I'm sure you'll find a man who's already 'grown up' and doesn't want to relive his youth.

Answer 5

You are! You cant keep a man captive. If he wants to go out let him go out once in a while. Both of yall should of compromised on the days that he goes out and spends time with his friends. Just because you are married that doesn't mean that you both have to be consumed by each other and that's why you got a divorce. It seems like you are trying to work things out though but dont work things out just because you have a son together do it because you love him and can be happy in a relationship with him

Answer 6

It depends on what he wanted to do, and if he even bothered to ask you if you'd be upset if he did it. If he just decided you would give him a hard time without even trying, he put that guilt on himself. I don't mean 'asking your permission' because as a married couple, you don't ask permission. I mean discussing an interest he may have, that you don't share (to clarify, I don't mean an extra-marital interest).

When he married you, he knew that he'd have responsibilities he didn't have before, and when your child came...those responsibilities increased. If he can't handle his responsibilities, he's the selfish one for leaving them all in your lap.

However; if a spouse (male or female) suffocates their mate, and never gives them their own time or say...minimizes the importance of a hobby the spouse enjoys (if he likes NASCAR and you hate it, so you make it hard on him when he wants to watch it...or if you like old movies and he just HAS to have all of his friends over when you're watching one you'd planned to see for the past week etc...) then that's not fair to either of you.

Answer 7

Wow, talk about projection. He so selfish he doesn't want to grow up from his younger years into a mature relationship and take some responsability and he calls you selfish. The selfish person is the one he sees when he looks in the mirror.

Answer 8

Some men cannot handle not having all of the attention in a relationship. Children take alot of love, care, and attention. There should have been more together time. It is difficult to make a marriage work when the children are young. Sounds like he should have tried to do more family things, and you should have included him in more.

Answer 9

both i left my hubby because he was selfish and controlling. He never liked 4 me to DO anything even BINGO with my old granny. I really missed my freedom felt like i was in JAIL i got sick of it WE HAVE A DAUGHTER. So yes it was selfish to my daughter that i did not stay with someone who made me miserable and by being so unhappy made me a bad parent so if that's selfish then I AM! YOU were dragging him down he had a right to leave.

Answer 10

That depends. What kind of things is he talking about? If he's referring to going out all the time, partying all night and getting drunk, screwing every female that comes his way, then yes he's being selfish. If he was talking about making something of himself, like career or something to better himself and you were hindering him from doing it, then you were being selfish. At any rate, does it even matter at this point? He's your ex. Move on with your life.

Answer 11

Marraige is 50/50 split of give and take .I really need to know more about the relationship before I can give a answer .From reading just the little bit of info you provided it seems that both of you are at fault. There's 2 sides to every story.