How can I behave with a hard-nosed person ?

Question

MY father is a hard-nosed person .He always argue about everything and he expects everybody confirm him.We can't always confirm because sometimes he is very wrong.Until now we have tested many techniqes such as to avoid argueing ,trying to make him understand his mistake and etc.But unfortunately when we want to correct him ,it makes him angry and he thinks that we don't act respectfully.So I need a practical and good way to solve this problen without annoying my father.

thank you all

Answer 1

You can't change him, but you can change your reaction to him.
walk away, speak less, go to your happy place, anything but engage him.
Children so desperately need their parents' approval, and in the big picture it is way too tough to see that your parents are simply humans with their own issues.
It may help to try to see your dad from another person's eyes. pretend he isn't your dad, and you are just watching your life on tv as if it were a movie. what would you tell the actor playing you to do?
Then do it.

Answer 2

Why do you need to correct him? Isn't he still a jerk whether you do or not? You can't win. So don't try to win.

But, just like training an animal, you can train your dad without him even knowing.

He gets reinforcement from you arguing back. So when he is being a jerk, don't reinforce him. Subtly change the subject. If he is being a TOTAL JERK, get up and leave the room if you feel he will goad you into arguing with him. If you can do it without starting an arguement, just say "i'm not going to argue with you." and leave.

He will never belileve you are right. You cannot convince him. It will ALWAYS start an arguement. So just don't argue. He'll lose the satisfaction of pushing your buttons and life will get more peaceful. You can always roll your eyes WHILE HE IS NOT LOOKING or snort in derision in another room.

Consider it a won battle if he proves himself an idiot and you can walk away without a battle. You don't have to respect him. You just have to make him THINK you respect him.

Answer 3

there is not much you can do. my father is like that too, but I am waaaaayy too independent to cater to his little fits, so he and I would always have huuuuuuge fights. i never tried any techniques to avoid arguing (i have a temper too) and we just got along horribly. now that i've moved out and become totally independent, we have a pretty good relationship. we do still have spats though when we go out to lunch or spend any time with each other, but they are more civil and short lived. we usually see each other about once a week and i love him to death, but we've both just come to accept that we have really different personalities and arent going to agree all the time even though we love each other.

it seems like your dad is very egotistical and narcisisstic. that means he thinks he is right no matter what, and he feels that he does not ever need to apologize for anything. my dad is the same way and i have gotten maybe 3 or 4 apologies from him my entire life. and those were very hard for him to say.

my best advise is that when he is looking at you to confirm him and tell him he is right, stand up for what you believe to be true!! but say it nicely, like: 'dad, i love you and i respect you and your opinion very much, but i disagree with you.' i know it sounds corny, but i say that or some version of it to my dad when we are arguing and it helps.
just keep calm. and dont try too hard to make him understand his mistake, because he wont ever be able to. just let him know you disagree and leave it at that.

good luck!

Answer 4

Do you ever work hard to follow his advice, and then confront him after you have proven him wrong?

A lot of times it is just miscommunication. You don't hear what he is saying, you don't understand the way he is saying it. Contradicting logic, short sentences, competitive nature, doesn't want you to go through useless pain, doesn't want you to think about psychobabble and waste your time, doesn't want you to waste your time in something that is highly probable not to work...

There are so many issues fathers have to deal with, that kids just won't understand. They try to say the same thing 100 times and it only ever sinks in once. Other times, when both sides are willing to put in the effort to understand eachother, than there is no judgement in looking at the other person as a "hard-nose" person or an ungrateful child.

Answer 5

This is a very hard one as I know how difficult it can be as your father is in a position of authority and power over you. Have you attempted to edge round him with comments like 'I can see your point of view, but from my point of view' or ' I respect what you are saying dad, but...' Most people who don't have this problem cannot understand where you are coming from, as you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. You either put up with doing things their way or end up causing a major problem by standing your ground. If you do have to stand your ground just try to be calm about it and point out that it is not a personal attack on your father but just the fact that you want do to things your way and are just being independant. Have had to deal with a person like this in my family for 40 years and am afraid that things don't usually get any better and in my case I had to finally stand up and tell the person to get a life. Of course that went down well and now I don't have anything to do with that member of the family. So do be careful as to what you do, do if you don't want to end up in the same boat.

Answer 6

My old man is just like that. Behavior like this proves that man evolved from gorillas. Often times when the man of the house has opinions or actions that are questioned by others in the household, he sees this as threatening his authority, thus they act out with anger and aggression in order to get his pack back in line and establish himself as THE authority figure. Its all male instinct. This might be effective in the animal kingdom, but this kind of behavior can prove to be very harmful to your father if he is unwilling to see other's points of view. My old man only now is realizing this fact in his late 50s. I won't get into details, but this very behavior literally sank his 25 year old business, created angry and defiant behavior in his children, and alienated friends and family. Make sure he understands this is an unhealthy behavior. Fathers need to be leaders, not dictators.

Answer 7

luv, I totally understand.. My papa is the same way... I'm 32 and I still have to deal... avoiding him works but I feel guilty... so I just hear him out and stay calm... he is set in his ways ... I do not invest energy in arguing with him. My best advice is be nice no matter what.. be nice... he's your dad you know... empathize, be polite and voice your opinions in the most NON-offensive matter possible. He's just cranky and fed up with the world. I can only conclude the world wounded papa and that's why he's the way he is...

URGHH .. answering your question made me all teary... but for whats its worth I hope I helped.

Answer 8

U have to transform him when he would be in good mood.
Relaxed.
then logically tell ur concern to him
Actually ur his dauhter and there may be parental pressure on him to set himself as a role model for u
secondly-generation gap
this is the story of eveyhousehold( bringing up Daddy).
Dont worry too much. this is life and this is the best part of life ur enjoying with ur family.

Answer 9

do your father and mine bowl?..lol . ive taken to talking softly with him so he cant yell and has to listen hard to hear me.... always be prepared with proof...and i try to act like its an interesting thing that i am "interested to know myself" ...while i know the answer the whole time. it works most of the time. good luck

Answer 10

I wish I had the answer. I had a co-worker like that . She ruined my profession.