I have been married for 10 years. I had kids and lost all the weight. I'm 38. I think I look okay but my husband doesn't have much interest in me. He's always too busy or too tired to have sex. I admit that I don't often make the first move, mostly because I wish he would do that. I feel so undesirable. I flirt with him and walk around in my underwear (or in the nude) but it doesn't really affect him. I know he is faithful to me and has never cheated on me (he is too busy with work, anyways). I'm fairly conservative in the bedroom and am not into toys or games but would like to make love weekly if not more. I want to feel desired and loved! I want him to feel good, too, but I don't want to do anything weird (he has told me that he's not into experimental stuff, either). I do offer to give him oral sex, too, and he usually takes me up on that.
2006-09-01 10:25:44 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People get into the grind of working and raising children and forget to work on their marriage. As they forget who their spouse really is, they lose sexual interest. Men and women are not much different in this regard, IMHO.
Don't worry about sex. Instead, restart the relationship so that you two can reconnect with each other. Start by planning a weekend away. (If you can't afford it, plan a weekend at home by getting someone to take the kids.) Do things that you both enjoy -- whatever they are.
Spend a lot of time talking. Tell him that you love him, that you are glad you are his woman, that you are glad he's your man, that you think he's a good dad. Take the time to plan something together - a home project, a trip, whatever. Planning helps you to see each other in your future. Smooch when the mood strikes.
On the subject of lovemakeing, remember that men want to be desired to. You tell him that you want sex, but do you tell him that you want it with just him. He needs to know that he makes you horny just like you want to know that you make him horny. You could call him on the phone as he's leaving work and say, "Hi babe, I was thinking about you and now I am all wet. What are you going to do about that." (Or say it when he comes in the front door.)
Once you two are closer, you can be a little more assertive sexually. While he's asleep, take him in your mouth. When wakes up, climb on top. Or, walk into the den nude, sit in his lap facing him, and kiss his socks off. Lastly, if you're in bed together and he's not interested, pull back the covers and masturbate slowly. He'll get interested.
2006-09-01 10:46:08 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I think I can give you an answer very simply: you all are in a deep slump after ten years and you need to go to a good professional marriage counsellor to renew your relationship. This isn't because you have "problems" (you do, but think positive), but because you need to refresh yourselves. Marriage is hard work. After a decade, you deserve to be a little tired. But now is the time to recharge your batteries. Seeing a counsellor can be a gift you give to yourselves to make life more fun. You can negotiate what each of you would like to see happen and then start from there. Just walking around nude or giving him head is not the answer. Go to someone you can trust and who knows what they are doing. You will feel better in less than a month.
2006-09-01 17:33:18 · answer #2 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation but it is my wife that never wants sex. She says all guys want is sex and no intimacy but it is hard to be intimate when you are so frustrated. she does not even offer oral. The only way I can have sex with her is to force her by not taking no for an answer. once she lets me start she gets into it and always wants more right after. But it is exhausting to say the least to get her going. We still only have sex once or twice a month.
2006-09-01 17:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by offroad_gearhead 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Had this problem once or twice he liked but still didn't ant to much after he pissed me of but I made it work by working him "Riding Him" until he came taken his hands up my sides and breast to remind him of what I feel like and rubbed his balls all at the same time. Try it and let me know. I'll let you know how to make him want you until you get tired of him. A man thinks of few things and remember to be on you job as a wife and a lover and you got him.
2006-09-01 17:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think like anything in life, when you've had enough of one thing, you want no more. He is being taken cared of by another party, therefore he has no need for you to sexually stimulate him other than oral. Now being that you are lame in bed is one reason to consider. Him saying not into things, is to discourage you from even thinking of trying to do something different. You should find yourself a partner to fulfill your sexual advances as your current partner has no intentions in doing so, since he's having enough outside of the house.
Keep this in mind "participate" everyone else is doing it but YOU!!!
2006-09-01 17:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by lopez76g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never say what you know for a fact. If you are not with him 24/7.If they want to cheat no matter how much they work they will find a way. Believe me when I say that. I am speaking from experience.
2006-09-01 17:33:19 · answer #6 · answered by Dorrie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best to do:talk with him,have and agreement of: where,when (what day or days),should be better for both to have sex.communication is the key to solve any problem,whatever is.Tell him you need sex (do not be shame to say it).With men,you need to talk very clear.sometimes when a woman complain to a man,he say:why you never told me,it is your fault.Good luck.
2006-09-01 17:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably not that he doesn't love you. It is that love making is routine and familiarity has caused boredom with him. He also would probably want quickies or raw sex rather than making love. Making love takes alot of work for guys especially if the woman is usually submissive.
2006-09-01 17:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by TSP61 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to:
1) be more open - talk about sex with him in a sexy way
2) initiate sex
3) offer oral sex as part of a 6 9 - there's nothing kinky about that!
2006-09-01 17:31:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him and explain u have needs and that if u cant b intimate with each other this will have a negative affect on your marraige eventually u willdrift even further apart he obviously has something on his mind is he stressed/money problems/work issues?u both need 2 open up 2 each other
2006-09-01 18:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by sarah71397 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋