Desperate to move out but concerned of an elder?

Question

Okay this is the situation I have been married for over 16years I take care of my mother-in-law while my husband has his affairs with other women now I have taken care of his mom and dealt with this for the past 16years he is abusive verbably and mentaly and at times physically and his 84 year old mom knows this .
Now I have filed for divorce but not served him because I want to move out first I know if I serve him while I am at home he will come after me . He does come and go from the house because his mom still gives him permission to come in . Now the reason I am concerned is because she suffers heart problems and he is her only son there is no one else to take care of her.

Answer 1

You sound like a caring, compassionate woman. I am very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. God bless you for your love and concern for your mother in law.

Please consider contacting your local Area Agency on Aging.
These folks will listen to your situation and will know of resources and links that might be available to help you and your mother-in-law as you move through this situation. The professionals there are certainly familiar with the realities of elder abuse and neglect and the importance of family caregivers like you. They will be able to help you think through issues facing you and your mother-in-law and assist in crafting a plan that addresses your valid concerns about your mother-in-law's future well-being.

There is an Area Agency on Aging serving your county. To find out the phone number call toll-free 1-800-677-1116. When you make the call to your local Agency, ask for the person who is responsible for "Caregiver support" or "Information and Assistance" for caregivers of elders. Then, set up an appointment to visit in person with one of these professionals to fully explain your situation. I am confident that you will find the folks at your Area Agency on Aging to be friendly, caring listeners.

The services from your Area Agency on Aging are available on a voluntary contribution basis--this means you won't be charged for the time you are given to discuss your situation. The services provided are funded under the Older Americans Act--a contribution to support the work of your Area Agency on Aging based on what you can comfortably afford is all that is requested.
(You can leave your checkbook at home!)

You don't say what you and your mother-in-law's financial situation is--or how much daily help your mother-in-law needs. Since it sounds like you are going to move, perhaps you might be able to find a duplex or a similar arrangement where you could be close to your mother-in-law--but not be living in the same place. If you are income-eligible, you and/or your mother-in-law might qualify for the Section 8 Housing Choice Voucher program. This HUD program is limited due to current federal cuts, however, it is one thing to check out.

This is a tough situation--I am sure you feel alone--yet others have found themselves in similar places and made it through. You are in my prayers!
May God Bless you!

Answer 2

God Bless You! You are a caring, compassionate person to do what you are doing, in light of what you wrote about your bastard husband. Good for you for filing for divorce. If he comes after you just call the cops. He is a bottom feeder. Here you are taking care of his mother for 16 years and he is abusive to you---------that is going to come back to him and bit him in the as*. She is not your responsibility, but I understand your concern for her well-being. If it was me, I would take her with me----when you move out and if your nerves can take it, continue to care for her. I know it is an awful strain on you, but unless you put her in a nursing home, it doesn't sound like she will be taken care of by her ****** of a son. God Bless you. I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Sounds like ur "husband" is still immature.move out but keep visiting ur mother in law since u have a bond with her.When u take the responsibility of something or someone u become more responsible and thoughtful..u have passed that stage,i suggest u to give the oppotunity to ur husband as well.

Answer 4

Moved out let him get some payed professional care keeper.

Answer 5

YOU HAVE WORRIED ABOUT THIS MAN AND HIS MOTHER FOR YEARS. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT WHO IS IMPORTANT. "YOU"
GET OUT ON YOUR OWN AND SERVE THE JERK HIS PAPERS. SOMEONE WILL TAKE CARE OF HIS MOTHER.

Answer 6

my sister~ there is no short answer for this. If you want the "long version" I am at [e-mail]

God Bless you and keep you...

Answer 7

I dunno, sometimes you just have to stop taking care of others, and take care of yourself. She raised her son this way, she should be dealing with him, not you.