NLP, behaviour watch and language choice...?

Question

What do you people think are words that make people feel comfortable at different stages of a conversation and in different types of conversation - ie. formal and informal, agreement and disagreement - family/friends/stranger...?

What is the best advice you can give about been behaviour and body language, etc, aware...?

What kind of language affends most people, whether you know them well or not? What is generally acceptable as far as language, behaviour, actions, reactions, defensive, aggression, expression thereof, passive aggression and any other topic you can think of...?

I'm looking for facts, explanations of how eg. love feels, or the affect "f*ck" has on you or "stupid" has on you, and what would help to heal that space if money, time, place, space, people, medication, diet, sleep, and conformity were not a focus in this instance...? Lets say you were free do to what you need to to heal...what would you do?

Any other throughts?

Do I sound confused (NO JOKERS IN HERE...)

Ok...people...I need to ask you something...are you out there reading this question?

Can you answer ANY part of it or relate to any part of it and give constructive feedback?

It may sound like a load of hogwash, read it again and slowly this time, please.

I may be a little confused, or a may be at a cross roads or turning point at the moment, and I am looking for your thoughts on life, behaviours, words - yours and others, actions, reactions, personality types, aggressives, passive aggressives, assertiveness, co-dependecy, adult-children, indigo children (spiritual topic), what coping skills you have learned to get through a stressful situation (a) that you can sort out) and (b) the you can't sort out.

Any thoughts on how to walk away from family politics?

Anyone have any good skills or ideas on how to take responsibililty for your actions without beating yourself up inside?

Thanks...

Let the words flow...

Getting ready to roll...

Cheers.

Answer 1

I don't think it's very important what you say. More important are the circumstances, and how you say it. In every conversation, much is said between the lines. For example, if I ask you "What do you think?" I not only ask for an answer. I also say something about our relationship. The question "What do you think?" would imply that I'm interested in your thoughts. Of course if I'd emphasized it differently, like "What do YOU think?" it gets a totally different meaning, though I use the same words.

Similarly, behavior is communication too. If I'd always come to late for dates, I'd express that I don't care much about the other person.

Conflict arises, when this hidden communication doesn't work - e. g. if my partner gets a wrong impression of what I'm trying to communicate. Especially, if we don't notice these problems and blame the other personally instead.

Answer 2

What kind of language offends most people, whether you know them well or not? What is generally acceptable as far as language, behavior, actions, reactions, defensive, aggression, expression thereof, passive aggression and any other topic you can think of...?
I selected this section of your Q.
We are all products of the People and Environment we grew up in.
From Early Childhood, we learn by the examples in our family circle and whatever else surrounds it. The facts, or explanations how Love Feels, or the affect of Curse words are also rooted in childhood and adolescence teachings and environments. So what is acceptable in one environment and people,(actions and reactions) is considered unacceptable in another. If one is strong in mind, soul and persona, they can break away from their environment. If they are not, they are trapped in it without knowing any better. One piece of advice for the FIRST PARAGRAPH QUESTION is: What ever type of conversation one is having, do not get into the others person's personal space, which is 2-3 ft apart. So if both parties abide by the rule, they should be approx. 4-6 ft away. No one likes other people in their face or space. Time and a keeping a good frame of mind will help one to heal. (Just my thoughts and opinions on your in-depth questions.)

Answer 3

Behaviour Watch

Answer 4

Wow!Kinda complicated,but makes sense to me!First of all,words can offend,hurt,damage,make you laugh, cry or fly into a rage.Knowing what to say when and where,to who and what situation your in should all play a part in what is said.I myself say a few "words" now and then..but I know when and where I can or can't say some things..and in what kind of setting and who I am talking to as to what can be acceptable.There are a few words that set my teeth on edge no matter who says them or what setting i'm in.For instance..c*#nt,Co&%#ucker are two that just kill me..but the worst for me is ni%#er!I HATE racial slurs! I do not like to be called stupid nor do I call anyone stupid.Some people don't realize that words cause aggression and unacceptable behaviors and hurtful reactions.I abhor physical violence,but sometimes words hurt worse because you can never take back what you say. The pain of a slap or punch ect: goes away in time..the pain from words that have hurt to the core last forever.In my opinion there is no reason to hurt anyone physically or verbally...especially if it's someone you love,ie: family,bf/gf or spouse.Everyone has disaggrements,but it should be done fairly.No name calling,no hitting.If everyone would take a breath and think before they speak,maybe(I said MAYBE!)people would co-habitate a little better! I am a survivor of abuse and wear my scars proudly! And altho I do not condone violence,I believe you should defend youself against violence.I would not ever stand and let someone hit me again,but at the same time,I've learned that if you are in a relationship that's headed in that direction..get out of it!That is NOT what love is about.You don't want to hurt or be hurt by someone you love.I am a firm believer in loving your fellow man and trying to respect everyones rights and beliefs,if you can't,then stay away from the problem, person,place or setting.I have found if you respect yourself and others...you will be respected in turn and have a better life,more friends,happier family life and generally a good relationship with your significant other.As for healing.that takes time,talking to someone,learning from your mistakes(and others) and time to meditate on it.Never beat yourself up for mistakes you make.You will make PLENTY in your life,learn from them..but you can't go back and change anything.What's done is done.you can regret all you want,but don't dwell on it.We all make mistakes..no one is without fault or flaws. We are human.Cry if you must,it's healthy and releases stress,keep a journal..it helps,but never beat yourself up,others do that enough without doing it to yourself.Love yourself and accept that you will probably learn a new lesson every once in awhile and move on.We never stop growing and learning..especially about ourselves. Respect and keep your self -respect and you will most likely do fine! Hope I helped even if just a little!
Peace&Love to all

Answer 5

i'll try to answer you "any" part of your question.
Reading your question i think you are asking for "confirmation" of what you were been told about something.
Regarding to pnl and, let's say, "the power of words", you can find plenty of information in gestalt school in psychology, or pnl in popular "sience".
it has been already probed that words the way you address somebody contains much more "message" than the actual words may contain it's "textual" part.
it has been said (i don't remember in this minute the source), only 7% of a message in a given communication has to do with words. The rest of it is body language, gestual languaje and so on.
you may do some research on acting technics, or rapport as well.
if your problems were that you are not sure about the importance of the attitude, just think what we are, all over the world is because the communication era, and the mass media phenomena, starting wiht tv, and mass marketing techinics.

Answer 6

The first thing I would suggest is for you to get a few books that answer those questions and concerns in extreme depth. Try: Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, Emotional Intelligence by Travis Bradberry, The Magic of Thinking Big by David Swartzkopff, Attitude 101 by John Maxwell, and QBQ by John G. Miller. After reading even one of the massively powerful books you will be armed and dangerous! Check them out and let me know what you think of the wealth of info.

Answer 7

You make people comfortable when you are calm, but still expressing your feelings honestly.

NLP is an interesting study, but I have chosen to not be in control of the 'doing' part of communication, I have rather decided to control the source of that communication and try to express myself honestly and as completely as possible and let the body language flow naturally from what I am feeling instead of trying to direct it for an end. I focus rather on a level deeper than that surface appearance. Those things can be moderated and controlled if you are an entertainer, presenter or on TV in a news conference, but with non-public interactions I just try to be as honest with my expressions as I can.

What I need to heal is to have some time to allow the pain to subside enough that I can think clearly, or at least stop thinking mostly negative. Time alone or time in a mindless activity that entertains or leaves me un-challenged emotionally. Watching TV, Answering Questions here, sleeping.

That is the first step, for me, distance from the source of the pain. The second step for me is to discuss the situation with the person or with a concerned significant other --sometimes a therapist too. It is important that if you are discussing these issues with a non-therapist, you need to focus on how you feel and describe that, instead of describing the actions of others and how they hurt you. I examine myself and attempt to explain what motivated my actions, what feelings drove me. If my actions were an issue for someone, I examine why I did what I did and attempt to tell them in a way that they understand why I did what I did. If they are available for my explanation, it is a good thing, but if they are not, I get some solace in the fact that I talked it out and I feel ok about how it went.

I don't always do things that I'm proud of and I say that too. In these situations I often say, Yes, I shouldn't have gone that far with that, but I was responding to this and that feeling in me. I hope you understand what was going on with me at that time. I hope you will forgive me and give me another chance, etc.

How do you walk away from family politics? That question has a lot in it. It is best to simplify it and learn some hard lessons, namely, you can't change people. Sometimes you can't even lead a horse to water, much less make them drink. It is best to realize you only have control of yourself. You may feel walking away is not a viable solution in reality, but in some levels that is the only way to deal with it in a productive, healthy way. No matter how irrational others act, there is no amount of convincing that will change what they do. Only they can do that, and if they feel they are rational and won't see the irrationality, they won't budge. You would be better of pulling back at a rate you are comfortable with and insulating yourself from the pain of desiring something you will never get.

How do you admit you were wrong about something and not beat yourself up? It is hard to reveal vulnerabilities. That is what taking responsibility does. You offer acknowledgement that you were wrong about something and you fear you will hate yourself. How could you hurt someone you love, you may ask of yourself or you may fear others will ask of you. It may be helpful to expect less perfection of yourself. People make mistakes and people are forgiven for the mistakes. It is important that you really examine yourself and admit or take responsibility for things that you feel honestly responsible for. It is not necessary to admit to the sins that others confess about you, but it is important that you figure out what you don't like about what you did and own up to it.

You can still hold yourself to an acceptably high standard and still not expect perfection. It is rational to expect mistakes of yourself. It is better to be good at cleaning up after yourself and your mistakes than to be upset about not being perfect or near perfect.

I hope for the best for you at the crossroads in your life.

Answer 8

Yes, you do sound confused...