I have be married for 10 years. My husband treated me like trash, calling me stupid, a bad mother, lazy, fat, oh and the best one... he said I was too fat to have sex with - I was 7 months pregnant when he said this. He knows everything better, he's an alcoholic, he is gross perveted and he left me for his 18 year old cousin, he is 37. I don't love him any more. I am in a relationship with a man who loves me for me and doesn't call me names or hurt my feelings. Why can't I get over this separation/divorce thing? Why do I hate him for dating his cousin? Yes, it's sick but why should I care? Why do I fight with him in my head all the time? He is still trying to treat me like crap but I am stronger now and I talk back and defend myself. How do I get him to understand that he asked for the divorce so he needs to treat me with respect because I'm not his "property" anymore? Help me clear my mind.
2006-09-01 07:55:37 · 15 answers · asked by calichick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You shouldn't care. I was in Clintons (a card shop) on Victoria Street in London today and I saw some lovely "Congratulations on the Divorce" cards.
If I knew who you were, I'd send you one to cheer you up.
My son was divorced a couple of years ago, got remarried last winter, and couldn't be happier. Although his ex had him put her through med school before she left.
Look ahead, not back.
2006-09-01 08:01:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to come full circle. With any divorce the first thing you are going to feel is hurt. At somepoint that hurt truns to anger because you are pissed that someoen who said that they loved you hurt you so badly. The final step is resignation. That is when you realize that this person is not gonig to change or become the person you expected them to be. And that it is best for everyone that you got away from all that.
Quit fighting with him in your head. Go into a room in your house and have it out with yourself. Or write it all down in a letter and burn it after. The best thing to do is to burn through the rage. That is the safest way for you to get to the acceptance.
Take pride in yourself. He may think you're stupid, but her's a news flash. You were smart enough to get away from his dumb a$$ and pretty enough to find osmeone to treat you as the goddess you deserve. Good luck.
2006-09-01 08:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorces are very hard to get over especially when you have loved the person for so much of your life. You have new relationship and yes its better but the fear of it turning into your old one will keep you from moving foward.
Continue to stick up for yourself and stress that his opinion is no longer needed.
2006-09-01 08:06:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get him to understand anything. Your best strategy is to try and not care what he thinks or does. I know it's hard, but you have to force yourself - spend every day trying to deliberately erase him from your heart and mind. It takes some work, but it's possible to do it, and to truly not care any longer what goes on in his miserable life. It will help if you work on your self-esteem, and start liking and respecting yourself. When you have respect for yourself, it's easier to get other people to respect you too. It will hurt your new relationship in the long run if you get stuck in the past, try to work and get out of it. Go to therapy if needed, get evaluated for depression; explore all avenues of getting help.
2006-09-01 08:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister~you need to seek God for healing. He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. The enemy can no longer control you through your husband, so he is doing it by keeping things stirred in your mind; bitterness above all. You must forgive him. I dont mean take him back...just forgive him. He will continue to have an invisible "hold" on you as long as you allow him to control your emotions. Seek God...He is standing there ready to take the burden from your heart and your shoulders if you will give it to Him...
God bless you and keep you...
2006-09-01 08:10:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you feeling down and out over that man.He's nothing to worry about anymore.If you love yourself you would see that he need to be gone.That's nasty to be with his cousin and how he treated you was wrong.Move on and don't look back.Life is too short to worry about someone who don't love or care about you.You are worth so much more than that loser.Be happy and live life
2006-09-01 08:06:27 · answer #6 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your allowing him to control your thoughts now. You could not possibly love this man after all he put you through. Move on and let it go. Try to better yourself as much as you can. Show him you have moved on and that you can do things on your own. He is not worth it.
2006-09-01 08:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First get therapy, NOW! You need professional help to change your brain patterns in the way they are used to thinking and being treated. You are so used to being controlled that it has become your way of thinking. You need to change that before anything else.
2006-09-01 08:00:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
EWWWWWWWWW totally leave him!Go through the divorce! it might be diffecult,but you'll get through this!Find someone who actully cares about you and loves you and thinks you're beautiful no matter what you look like!
I wish you the best of luck!!!
2006-09-01 08:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by Abercrombiebabe90 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he was treating you badly because you were showing weakness , and since you met the new man your self confidence started to be more and more , and this is normal because all doors in this life are still opened for you and not only one .
2006-09-01 08:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by MIKE IVANA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋