We are currrently living with my husband's parents and seem to be having problems. We have a 4-month old boy and as you read the title have not done anything. No privacy nothing! Always seems to be about making his family -mom, dad, nieces, and nephews happy and then me. Of course he is very caring and loving but now-we are married and have been for 8 months and sex -maybe 2 times. It bothers me as each day I work and have a long drive to and from work, then stress b/c I have school as well and little time to see my son. My husband doesn't feel that this is much of an issue-but he should think twice. I just feel that it's the same thing each day-come home at his parents house, set my stuff down, kiss and give my husband a hug, hold baby for 10 - 15 minutes-dinner time, interuptions from other people living in the house,....It completely doesn't phase him and now that I bring this up-he says that we can go somewhere with baby. If we do then we still can't really do much.
2006-09-01 05:37:13 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have saved a lot of money and the ONLY reason we are living in the in-laws is so we can save for a home. Now that we have the closing date is at the very end of this month in Sep.
I handle the budgetting and work all day. Drive for a total both ways 3 hrs.-work as a receptionist, come home and do chores here. I knew that we would need to save. Prior to living with in-laws we had an apartment. I just don't know or see why it doesn't seem like a big deal to him. I thought that most or all guys think with their ----as well. I am 25 and he is 34.
2006-09-01 05:55:03 · update #1
Steal every moment you can, or let him know that he has to start making time for you or he can start looking for a way to pay child support to an ex-wife.
2006-09-01 05:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt Honesty 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't phase him because it's his family and he's used to them. When you brought it up did he say that he too feels you guys don't have time together? You definitely need some time alone without baby to reconnect or your marriage will start to suffer. If there are so many family members around can't one of them babysit while you two have a weekend alone, or even just go to a movie or out to dinner? Even two hours alone a week might be great...a time for you to talk and something you can look forward to.
As a long term goal I hope all your working is going to pay off one day so you can live in a house/apt without his family. That needs to be a goal because from the way things sound if they continue like this for the next year you will surely want out of your situation at whatever the cost.
Ask him how he would feel if he had to live in a house with your family?
Also keep in mind that school won't last forever. Is there any way you can put off school a semester or two so you can make your time together more? How close are you to being done?
Also as your son gets older and becomes more independent he will be easier to manage and possibly leave with someone. Anyway hope these suggestions and questions give you something to think about. If you love him enough to stay with him, then some changes on both ends is worth it. He should realize that too.
2006-09-01 12:52:29 · answer #2 · answered by Christine B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you look at the situation you're in, it's not all that strange that it's hard to get intimate. You did mention it to your husband and he did say you should go somewhere with the baby. I think that's sweet. You told him what you were feeling, he listened and gave you a solution. Why can't you do anything if you take the baby? If that were true, how are so many families conceiving 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th .... children? You've had a baby and you've only been married 8 months AND you're living with your in-laws, that's a whole lot to deal with. Focus on the good, and I'm sure you and hubby will find a way to get some couple time in, even if you take your new family member with you.
2006-09-01 12:43:19 · answer #3 · answered by friendlyshoulder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, this is usually the husband complaining about no sex after the baby, so I know how you feel. I think it's complicated by living at HIS parents.
In many ways, your life has changed. While you still have needs, the baby's needs have to come first for awhile. Many moms hate this time of motherhood. My wife was so disappointed with the reality of being a baby's mom, she was depressed until our youngest was able to do a lot of things for herself.
The only thing I've found that is constant about problems between couples is that they don't resolve themselves. You've taken a good first step by bringing up the issue, but so far he's not listening. Try again, and not just that your needs aren't being met, but how that makes you feel. Butter him up a little first: I'm so glad that I can count on you to help with the baby, blah blah, but I need some of your time just for me. It makes me feel very unimportant to you when the needs of the baby and your family always come before, and instead of, mine. Can we get someone to watch the baby for the evening/overnight and us just get away for awhile?
Be prepared though that even when you do get out, it will be hard to talk about anything but the baby at first.
There is one other thing, and that is that he may have some sort of hangup about having sex since the baby. See if you can find out from him, what's different now, do you feel different about having sex, and why? Is it b/c we're living with your parents, or because you don't want to wake the baby?
One time when our daughter was just a few months old and we were traveling to visit family, we stopped at a motel overnight. Something about motels always gets my wife randy, and since we didn't have a crib to put the baby in, we opened the lowest dresser drawer, snuggled her in there real comfortable, and then my wife and I went at it on the bed! A child that age has no awareness of something like this. We had to be more quiet than we would have liked, but definitely weren't deterred by the presence of the baby.
I don't know what will work for you, but please keep working on your husband and put aside thoughts of getting it somewhere else. You guys need to be together for your child, and as hard as that can be sometimes, you just have to keep working at it.
2006-09-01 12:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by newbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There seems to be a conflict here between what is practical and the right thing to do. The intimacy between a husband and wife is very fragile, and almost anything can get in the way. Right now, going somewhere away from his family and talking things over is even more important than sex. Whether it is more economical, or more convenient to bunk down with the relatives, it usually stifles the relationship between a man and his wife. You need your own lives. Make this clear to him. B.
2006-09-01 12:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by Brian M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just four months from having a baby? You'd still have had other issues instead of these other ppl and interruptions.
You wait six wks after pregnancy for sex to allow healing and the cervix to close. Then there's resuming birth control, timing it for being in the mood and not when you're both tired from life w/ a new baby.
You're just noticing now because you've healed and your ready. Celebrate! Listen to your husband & plan something.
2006-09-01 12:49:57 · answer #6 · answered by Ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is meant for 2 and living with someone else puts you both under stress. I would save as much money as you both can and move out immediately before you find out it could be too late for the both of you.
You're starting to resent the whole situation and that gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.
Get out of there ASAP
2006-09-01 12:43:12 · answer #7 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it. At least you get to go to work and escape your baby for a while and take a sh!t without 2 little hands trying to snatch the toilet paper out of you hands and you don't have to say "No, leave that alone" every 3 seconds bc he won't stop trying to pull cords out of the wall or eat every microscopic piece of lint he finds on the ground and STILL not have sex w/ your bf at the end of the day bc HE'S too tired.
Count your blessings!!
2006-09-01 12:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get the inlaws to babysit for the two of you and not take the baby. Thats horrible that he is subjecting you to living with them. I would be pissed off. Maybe you should tell him that its time to live with your parents? I wonder how he would like that. But he real issue is that the two of you do not get privacy, and you are not going to get any. My husbands parents come here all the time, even if we tell them its to much. So I make sure to make it clear to my H that when they are here he isn't getting any.
2006-09-01 14:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a 4 month old boy. That's why you haven't had sex. Your not supposed to until your healed from giving birth. That takes 3 or 4 months in itself. This is the way it is for new parents. I have a one year old and we don't get to do much still.
2006-09-01 12:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by Q~T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you need a "Parent's night out". Ask the Grandparents to watch the baby for the night while you two do something nice together. Have a nice dinner, rent a hotel room, something. Romance galore. I hope this helps.
2006-09-01 12:40:27 · answer #11 · answered by ashleygirl2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋