my husband.....?

Question

I have often wondered if there was something that I can improve about myself or if there was something I was doing or not doing to meet my husbands needs.When I ask him what I can do he says that it is too late now for me to do anything.We have been married for 7 years and I've heard him say that he wants to be with a certain woman (name withheld)because she can give him the stability he needs.What stability is that?I am not overweight.I've been told even by my husband and other men that I am beautiful.I am a damn good cook and housekeeper.I work fulltime and take care of 2 kids.I am pursuing a diploma and eventually a degree in college.I try to get involved in his hobbies if he lets me.I do not nag my husband and adventurous sexually.So why then does he still cheat?

Answer 1

For some reason he's convinced the grass is greener with this other woman.

You need to rent some Tyler Perry videos and listen to the wisdom of Madea. You can't hold on to someone who wants to leave!! He wants to leave; help him pick out the suitcase and help him pack... you can't force someone to love you so why subject yourself to someone who is not going to give you the type of love you deserve? Your self worth, your respect, your dignity, your self esteem... all of this must rise to the surface and start speaking up.

If YOU were married to you, how would YOU treat you? Start from there, check with your physician (STDs), find some evidence and then contract an attorney!

Answer 2

Some guys (and girls) cheat and there is no reason. Look at Halle Berry, why would a guy cheat on her? Some things just boggle your mind when you try to analyze them. If you clean up after him, cook for him, work fulltime, go to college, and please him in bed and he still wants to leave you, you have 3 kids you are taking care of. Not two. Let him go and then maybe he'll appreciate what he had w/you. But once a cheater, always a cheater, so don't take him back!

PS- Remind him that if the grass is greener on the other side, its because there is whole lot more sh*t over there!

Answer 3

Is your husband feeling insecure about his marriage to you? When he mentioned you are beautiful, was he saying that, feeling a little insecure? You mentioned that other men also said you are beautiful. Did you voice this to your husband or were these words said in his presence? This could be the cause of his insecurity. You have find out the truth.
On the other hand, his mention of the other woman, could mean that he already has her in mind. Is he having an affair and using stability as an excuse? When he says it's too late, ask him what he means. He has to be frank with you to be fair. Don't the children mean anything to him?

Answer 4

You seem to be a confidant person and happy with yourself. Do NOT let your husband diminish this. He is cheating and he does that because he's too weak to make hard choices. The reason he does it is everything to do with him and nothing to do with any weakness in yourself.

Clearly the cheating is unacceptable to you so don't tolerate it. Tell him to either stop his cheating or leave, if you allow him to remain with you and still cheat then you're telling him that you accept it and that it's perfectly alright for him to continue to so something dishonest.

if he agrees to end it, you should tell him that you are willing to talk these issues out with him but only under the condition that the cheating stops and he starts being honest and making some effort to repair the damage. If he can't talk to you in an honest and productive way in return then it's going to be very difficult for you to work all of this out.

You can find out why he is doing this, but i think you can only address these problems when everybody is being honest and communicating clearly. if he is cheating he is not treating you in an honest way so you can not begin to repair your marriage.

websites that may help you with general relationship problems
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/
http://www.womansavers.com/relationship-articles.asp

take care and good luck

S
x

Answer 5

I think he wants his cake and eat it to. He can't have you and her both.

You sound like a wonderful wife to him, but he still pines for this other woman. I think often people want what they can't have. You are the real deal, yet he's chasing a fantasy. I think what he is doing to you is terrible and he needs to grow up. If he can't see how much he's hurting you and how good he has it with you, then you should move on with your life because you deserve so much better. He's already said to you that it's too late for you to do anything for him - sounds like you should leave him and seek greener pastures.

You seem like a lovely person and there are so many other men in the world who would truly cherish and appreciate all the things you have to offer. Good luck.

Answer 6

Maybe because he knows you allow it? You're equal partners and if you continue to let him treat you like this he'll destroy your confidence. You deserve better than him and if he really wanted to be with this woman he'd have left you already - he knows he's getting the best of both worlds. I think he probably just craves excitement and gets a kick out of cheating and getting away with it but i bet when you're in college and meeting new guys you'll realise that you don't have to be tied down to such an a*ss . He'll probably realise this too and make sure he knows that he's not the only one who has told him you're beautiful. If he suspects that he might end up alone with no woman at home to put up with his mental abuse he might start treating you with the respect you deserve.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

why are u putting urself thru this? men and wemon sometimes are incapable of holding a relationship and therefore they cheat it is not just you, it is a choice he has made. i have been married 31 years and it is not always easy and we have had our bad times but cheating beating ect were never and issue. Take a good look at yourself and what u have and what u want do u deserve to be cheated on? if the answer is no then tell him u want him out of ur life and move on he will always be part of the children but have more respect for yourself than he is giving you.

Answer 8

Hmmmm...because there is one teeny, tiny thing that he lacks in his marraige to you. Respect. You sound like one hell of a catch for any man. Dump this schmuck and find a man who is worthy of your love and attention.
Lemme tell you something sister. Use that grey matter in the noggin of yours and send him packing. He wants the broad that much? Let him have her. Assuredly their relationship won't last. Once you give him the boot don't take him back. Because again..I assure you. When that relationship goes to hell he will show up repentant on your doorstep. You obviously don't lack self confidence. The attraction to her is no doubt sex. Just what kind or what's taking place is anyone's guess. So....do not humiliate yourself any longer or even allow him to do so. Move on. You'll thank yourself later.

Answer 9

Just because he cheats on you why do you think its you ??????he's the one that's cheating it should be whats on the inside not the out he fell in love with you because of whats on the inside you don't buy a book because of what the cover is like on the outside you buy the book because of the story on the inside kick him to the kerb find a new man that will love you for how you look,but if it would make you feel better try and loose a bit of the weight but do it for you not him,it sounds to me that he will be the one missing out if you get rid of him keep ya chin up

Answer 10

Because even though you are all the things that you state, in his mind there is still something lacking. There is no spark left between you, no chemistry. I am NOT saying he is right in cheating, just telling you why he does. You could be the most perfect woman in the world to everyone and still not be that to him. I am sorry this is happening to you, but unfortunately there isn't much you can do to change things.